A Girl Like Jim
by Dracophile
Summary: After a problem involving pheromones and the transporter, Jim has been turned into a girl. How will he deal with his new body, a new outlook, and a certain monthly gift do you suppose? How will the rest of the crew? eventual Spock/Kirk
1. A Changefor the better?

Currently obsessed with Star Trek. :d Used this for a bit of stress release. Haven't forgotten my other stories, will finish the next part to it soon but this one's a multi parter too. Most of it is done already.

I got this idea off of a long prompt idea list on LJ, can't remember who suggested it or what page, but enjoy!

Also, it got kind of long so this is a multi parter, even though I was really trying for a one shot ^^; can't do anything by halves it seems.

* * *

The moment they arrived back Kirk knew something was wrong. It was deathly silent and everyone was staring at him. Scotty was gaping at the transporter controls with Chekov similarly dumbfounded and for some reason blushing beside him. Next to Jim Sulu looked like he was about to topple over in surprise, though he might've been tired from all that running. But considering Spock's eyes were also a centimeter wider and his eyebrows a bit higher, there was definitely something wrong since that was the Vulcan equivalent of "holy shit".

His first thought was that some giant parasite had latched on to him and was slowly eating the life out of him. Or that his limbs were rearranged. Or he was as green as an Orion, but a quick glance at his hands told him that wasn't it…though they did look different, smaller, more dainty, with longer fingers and nails. Finally he summed up all this with one word to his crew.

"What?" His voice was higher and he put that slender hand to his now slender throat. His arm came to rest against something very soft and squishy and he looked down, eyes widening at the sight of his uniform shirt, now at least two sizes too big and dangling off him, rounded in front by a pair of breasts. His pants were similarly baggy, barely staying on his now full hips by the grace of his belt.

"Capan, you've become lass!" Scotty finally cried, looking torn between laughter, sympathy and…well, more laughter. "And not a bad looker either!"

His first inclination was to say 'Of course, you thought otherwise?' but the shock hadn't receded enough. Reaching up he patted his chest, indeed confirming some new additions there. And rather nice ones too, this could be fun. Then his mind took a lurch forward and his hands flew between his legs, feeling there, causing many blushes from the nearby cadets and other officers, aside from the Vulcan to his right whose ears merely turned a shade greener.

Yes. Something he had become rather attached too was indeed missing.

Later, Kirk would vehemently deny he had fainted. He would say that it was the exhaustion, the dehydration, having been chased by angry beasties on the planet when he had still been male before they came up to find he _wasn't _male anymore and it all just came together to make him loose consciousness for a while. But it was not fainting.

When he came to, he was in the sick bay resting on a med bed and Bones was hovering over him with a tricorder. His eyes snapped to him and he breathed out.

"Finally! Goddamit Jim, you-and the-with-" Bones, being raised a southern gentleman, had a hard time yelling at a woman (unless it be his ex wife) even if he knew it was Jim.

"Bones?" Jim asked. He/she almost moaned when her voice came up to her. "How did this happen?"

"We're looking into it. Might've been a transporter malfunction coupled with the fact you were being chased by a bunch of female…whatever the hell those animals were."

"Female?"

"It was the grix mating season," a cool voice said. They looked up to see Spock walk in, calm and collected. "The science department has a theory that the high amounts of female pheromones in the air as we were teleported coupled with your molecules being rearranged resulted in…your mutation."

"Mutation?! I'm a _girl_!! And why aren't you a girl?! Or Sulu?! Is Sulu a girl?!" she practically screeched, noting the slight tick in the Vulcan's eyes. Sensitive hearing.

"No, neither of us has become females. It's possible that the fact one of the grix bit you," he nodded to his bandaged hand, " to initiate mating gave you a stronger reaction."

"Oh yeah, Jim always has a stronger reaction…" Bones grumbled. "Why weren't these grix things going after they're own kind?"

"The male grix population is severely depleted. More than likely they scented males and made no distinction between species-"

"I don't give a funking wagnel how it happened!!" Jim did screech this time. "Just fix it! Now!"

"We can't, Captain," Spock stated. "We are still looking into the how of this event, and until then it's not advisable to attempt to reverse it as it could possibly make it worse."

"How could it be worse?!"

"You know, they never found Archer's dog after what Scotty did…" Bones supplied.

"Point taken. But I don't want to stay like this forever!"

"I assure you, we are looking into every possible way to reverse your predicament, Captain."

"Good! How could this have happened…?"

"As I stated, we have a theory. But if you had followed my advice and not attempted to pet the grix-"

"I thought it was just a weird deer-dog looking thing! I didn't know it would end up getting the hots for me and chasing us, with its friends, and then turn me into a girl with its freaky saliva and pheremones! How was I supposed to know that?!"

"Captain, you are being quite emotional-"

"I have a damn right to be emotional!! I'm a girl! A giiiiirrrrl!! A…girl…" The outrage that had filled her features began to soften and Jim looked more thoughtful.

"I don't like that look, Jim," Bones growled.

"I'm a girl…"

"You have stated so already, many times, and we can see so for ourselves," Spock said with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes, but now I realize I've been afforded a unique opportunity," he said slowly, starting to smile. "You said this won't be permanent, right?"

"No, we are looking into every possible way to change you back. We should hopefully have an idea in a week, maybe a little longer," he replied dutifully.

"Then I better not waste this time…"

"Waste this time, Captain?"

"Yep. Bones, hit me up with a contraceptive hypo, will ya?"

"No."

There was silence for a moment before she glared at him. "What do you mean no?! This is the first time I've ever _asked_ you to hypo me!"

"I'm not going to encourage you to go out and get laid like this. It's bad enough the amount you do it as a guy, and the trouble you can get us in for it, but I'm not letting you go out there and try to hook up with anyone on the crew like this. Hopefully the idea of getting pregnant and not being able to change back will be enough."

"Bones-"

"Don't you Bones me!" the doctor said seriously enough to surprise Jim. "I'm not against premarital sex or anything like that, obviously, but this temporary body of yours is, I'm pretty damn sure, technically a virgin. And girls should not be giving out their virginity like two bit whores just for the experience, you got me? Girls are much, much different than guys about this, and even if you have the mind of a guy you have the body of a girl now."

It was times like these Jim could totally see Bones being the father of a little girl back on earth and he had to resist a smile and do his best to pout despondently. "Okay, fine…"

"Good. Cause your not getting any contraception from me and I do not want to see you pregnant on top of this."

"Trust me, Bones, I don't think any of us want to see that…what if I stick to girls?"

Bones twitched before glaring. "Jim, all things considering, maybe you shouldn't be experimenting when your body has just undergone a weird transformation. That could make it worse too."

"But-"

"I will get a chastity belt if necessary."

"I would like to see you explain that one to import guys…"

"Captain, Dr. McCoy has a good point. We're not certain if your body could handle it or what the side effects could be. And given your tendency to try and push your limits, you could very well hurt yourself."

"Et tu, Spock?"

"I am merely being logical. As you are, you do not have to be taken out of duty, but should you be injured-"

"Okay, enough with the veiled and not so veiled threats. But you had better fix this soon, cause I am not dealing with blue ball…or, uh, sex deprivation."

Spock's ears took on a quick shade of green before he cleared his throat. "Noted, Captain. Perhaps you should go to your quarters and rest now."

"Alright…Uh, no one disturb me for a while. I'm gonna get more familiar with my body since you two won't let me let anyone else get familiar with it." He stood and headed out the door, muttering something about protective fathers and big brothers and that this must be what it's like.

"...Hobgoblin, you know I don't usually ask favors of you, I'd rather down to a damn planet of diseased weasels. But please, please help me keep our damn captain from getting knocked up while he's a she, and/or doing something stupid enough to finally end me."

Spock let out a quiet breath that definitely wasn't a sigh but nodded once. McCoy thought he saw a vague frown around his eyes, but figured it must've been a trick of the light. "You don't have to worry, Dr. McCoy. I agree completely. I will have a discussion with the crew about it."

"Yeah…you do that."

* * *

Next part coming up…pretty damn soon :3


	2. In Heat

I can't believe I forgot to thank PriestessOfNox for helping me with a lot of the concepts for this and for the title!! DX Thank you, darling, a lot of this is helped by you 3

* * *

Jim was quite honestly starting enjoy his new body immensely. He'd gone back to his quarters to take a look at himself, and though it had first been disconcerting to see the feminine features of his face he'd gotten used to them. His face was rounder, more heart shaped, with delicate cheek bones. And he loved his eyes, he had to admit. Sexy come hither blue eyes with quirky eyebrows, a little thick since he of course was not going to pluck them but he didn't care. His hair was still in its short style but he thought that it worked actually.

His figure was impressive as well, with a nice full figure. He was a C cup he learned, when Uhura later insisted he learn to wear a bra. Just a day of him not was causing some distractions around the ship. He also learned putting a bra on was considerably different from taking one off. Uhura had refused to help him when he kept making lurid comments, storming off muttering something along the lines of "still Kirk, dammit". His hips were rather wide, but he was fit and trim and thanked himself for taking good care of his body. He looked damn good in a regulation women's uniform too he learned. But he kept it to pants outside of his room. No need to endure the teasing later if he was seen wearing the female uniform.

And surprisingly, the no sex rule wasn't too bad. He'd actually been going without for a while, since their last shore leave two weeks prior (which was a while to him). He was rather proud because he hadn't been hitting on his subordinates left and right as many thought he would. He teased Uhura and his new assistant, Rand, and some of the other girls, and boys, but he was pretty sure they knew it was just teasing. Truthfully, the idea of trying to seduce them didn't sit well with him. He would always wonder if they came to his bed because they wanted sex with him, or just because he was their superior officer. And his pride and the trust he gained in his crew would not take that risk.

He still teased in his new body too, though sometimes he thought he saw his crew flinch and look scared when he did. Which was strange…but he always said he was teasing and they calmed down.

Any restraint he might've developed didn't stop him from exploring his body himself though, and he had to say being a woman wasn't all that bad. Which was good, because the science team was still having trouble determining an exact way to turn him back. He had been a woman for a week and a half now and they were still working out details for various theories. At the 3 week mark, he was getting frustrated. Not just with the fact he was still a woman, but with the fact that masturbation was not working like it had before and his libido seemed to be climbing.

_Am I in heat or something?!_ He thought angrily to himself. It seemed like anything was turning him on lately, which while not as noticeable as when he was his usual manly self, was still damn uncomfortable. Especially if he happened to be sitting in his captain's chair on the bridge. _I'm getting desperate…maybe I could convince one of the guys to…help me._ Jim was fine with men as well as women even in his other body. He was just more picky about the men he went with than the women, since sex between two men took a heck of a lot more preparation and could be a lot more painful. But considering his condition now, a man made a lot more sense.

_Maybe Sulu? Sexy fencer body, intelligent… No, I think he's seeing someone and I don't want to get in the middle of anything. Bones is my best friend…that and he might kill me, so no. Better make sure I get whoever it is to swear not to tell him. Scotty could work, though if I remember he's kind of hairy…not necessarily a bad thing, but I'm not sure if I'm in the mood for that. Cupcake…I doubt he'd say yes, unless he's as horny as me. Even then I don't think I want to give him that satisfaction. Uhura broke up with Spock a while back, nicely too since they're like BFFs now. But I don't think Uhura is in to girls…and right now a guy sounds reeeeaaally good. And she's definitely not in to me. Chekov- Yeah, I am desperate when our little brother figure comes to mind. Though he is legal now…_

"Captain?"

Jim tensed, feeling a blush come to his/her cheeks at that low voice next to her ear. It sent a spark right down to her aching nethers and she looked up at Spock who was leaning down next to the chair. "Uh, y-yeah?"

"Are you alright? You're shifting in your chair quite a bit and seem distracted."

"Um, just antsy I guess. Maybe too much sugar in my coffee." _Spock…hmmm…_

The Vulcan nodded as if this was an acceptable answer but paused and leaned in again, making Jim's breath catch. "I assure you Captain, we are doing everything we can to change you back. I believe we will have a breakthrough soon."

Jim resisted the urge to run her tongue over her lips and nodded, smiling. "I know, Spock. I have faith in you, no worries."

Spock's face softened in what Jim knew was a pleased look from over a year of studying the Vulcan's repressed emotions. He nodded and returned to his station.

_Why didn't I think of him sooner?_ She asked herself, looking over his body discreetly. _Tall, dark, handsome, strong as hell, hot to the touch as well as the eyes…and he's got nice eyes too…Might be a little vanilla in the sack, hard to tell, but I'm sure I could help with that-wow, I really do need to get laid if I'm making googly eyes at Spock. Maybe…_Jim sighed quietly. _The hell am I thinking, it's _Spock_. I'd have better luck trying to seduce a rock. Heh, that rhymes._

Jim decided the best thing to do would be just to try most of his bases. After shift he walked up to Sulu with a smile. "Hey Sulu."

"Captain," Sulu said, finishing making notes for his replacement.

"We're technically off duty, you can call me Jim."

"Right, sorry," Sulu said, getting up with a smile. "What's up? I told you, I don't fight girls when I can avoid it, so no sparring."

"Actually, I had another physical activity in mind…" she said with a slight leer.

Sulu was a smart guy and from that blush he got it right away. His eyes flicked away somewhere behind Jim before he held up his hands. "Sorry, Captain, but I'm taken."

Jim leaned back away with a smile. "I figured as much. Sorry about that," she said as nonchalantly as possible.

Sulu smiled back, figuring it was just a tease again. "No problem."

Jim patted his shoulder but leaned over, looking at Chekov with consideration. Sulu followed his gaze and frowned, looking between them before he finally got it and blushed again, looking at his captain incredulously before quickly grabbing up Chekov by the arm. "Pavel, c'mon, lets' get something to eat."

"But I'm not hungry."

"Yes you are, now come on," he said quietly. "I'll explain there."

Jim pouted and sighed. He glanced at Uhura, but decided not to risk it. Heading up, he missed the odd look Spock gave him, thinking he hadn't over heard (he always forgets the sensitive ears). Though the temptation is strong as he passes, he manages to squash it down. Things had been hard to start with Spock and now that they were finally in that friendly area of the spectrum of relationships, he didn't want to risk him throwing him across a room in disgust.

Walking out, he headed towards engineering. "Scotty!"

The engineer looked up from going over a schematic for something and smiled. "Well, if it isn't the lassy Jim."

"Yeah, that doesn't get old," Jim said as he sat down across from him. "Listen, Scotty…uh…well, you see, I'm having a little problem…"

"If this be a feminine problem, sir, I don't see how I'll be of much help."

"It's sort of a feminine problem, more of a universal problem for most, but I think you can definitely help. Uh…wow, I've never done this in this sort of setting…"

"Do what, Capan?"

"Try to seduce someone I already know," she said with a charming smile. She sort of wished she had worn the female uniform, it would make things go even easier.

The schematics in Scotty's hands crumpled slightly and his eyes widened. "Ah'm sorry, Capan, I dunna think I heard you right."

"Did you hear me say seduce?"

"Aye."

"Then you heard me just fine."

Scotty blushed and Jim could tell he was quite tempted. Nothing like being stranded on a barren wasteland of snow for a year to make you appreciate when a pretty lady wanted your attentions. He smiled, obviously about to accept, when he suddenly paled.

"Uh, Capan, given your current…circumstances, I dunna think that would be wise."

Jim blinked. "Scotty, I'm not suggesting we have to be in a suddenly committed relationship, just…relieving some tension."

"I dunna have any tension to relieve, Capan. Sorry I canna be of any help."

Jim blinked again, confused. Sulu he could understand if the guy was in a relationship, but Scotty's most committed relationship was between him and the Enterprise, and as crazy as the scot was he would not turn down an offer like this even if he really did think he was married to the ship.

"Sco-"

"Ah got some work ah need to be doin, Capan. If you dunna mind…?"

"Er…no, of course not." She straightened, having been leaning in to try and entice him. _Okay, not quite as planned…_ "Um, hey, Scotty, you know…I didn't mean to offend you or anything. I just, uh…"

Scotty smiled, looking relieved. "I didna take any offense, Capan. If anything, Ah'm flattered. But, uh…You being both my friend, and my Capan, I just wouldna feel right. Especially right now, with you being…as you are."

Jim stared before smiling. "I guess you gotta point, Scotty. Sorry, just um…hormones or something I guess."

"I understand. Ah've had my fairshare of the ladies after all."

Jim laughed. "I can understand that too. Sorry to disturb you, Scotty. I'll leave you to your work. Lord knows you're the best around here and keep us from blowing up on a near daily basis."

"Thank ye capan."

Jim left the engineering department and sighed. She didn't feel too disappointed. After all, she now knew Scotty was an even better friend than she first thought. But he had a point, trying to seduce your friends was a bit…weird now that he thought about it. He hadn't had that many in his wild times to really think about it, but it was true. It would be awkward to work on the bridge later if Sulu had said yes. More so if she'd actually gone after his young navigator or one of the others. _Okay, so that leaves my subordinates I don't know too well…or Cupcake. Still not liking that option._

Jim tensed, feeling like she was being watched and looked around. No one was there so she sighed and headed off down the hall.

* * *

Next time…it begins D:


	3. Dear God, It's Me, Jim

Another week passed, but this one was more frustrating. She'd dropped subtle hints to quite a few men, even some women, all week but the moment they figured out she was flirting, they all seemed to get scared and run off with some kind of excuse. Even cupcake seemed afraid, he didn't even rub it in Jim's face he was making advances on him (and so help him, if he did once he changed back…)

_I know it's not my looks, cause I'm damn hot!_ Jim thought to herself. More than once she thought she saw Spock nearby and had nearly tried him as well, but convinced herself that she would not come on to her friends and she considered Spock a friend. A pretty good one too. She also avoided Bones, not wanting to get an angry southern doctor lecturing him on safe sex. Or else, he might really get that chastity belt.

The day he'd officially been a woman a month hadn't been as bad though. It seemed his hormones were tapering off and she no longer felt the frustration of sexual desire. She was secretly glad, though also a little disappointed. She had still hoped to find out what sex was like in this body. But knowing it was probably for the best, and praying that the science department would pull through soon since she was missing certain parts of the male anatomy on his own body, she went to bed peacefully.

And woke up feeling like shit. Her whole body ached, she had a headache and felt suddenly ridiculously cold despite her blanket close around her. And to top it off, she had been woken up more than an hour early by the ungodly, horrifying feeling of something trying to tie the innards of her lower abdomen in a butterfly knot around her spine. Groaning, she curled up in a fetal position, trying not to whimper. _I'm dying…oh god, I contracted some horrible disease…Or maybe it was something I ate…_

Sighing when the feeling seemed to die down, she managed to push herself out of the bed and head for the bathroom, hoping relieving herself would help. Pulling down her underwear-he still wore his boxers- she sat down and let herself go. Looking down though she gasped when she saw that his favorite pair of green silk boxers was covered in blood around the crotch. Checking quickly, she found that indeed she was bleeding from…a very awkward place.

"OH MY GOD WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?!!" Jim screamed. Jumping up, she pulled the boxers back on, ignoring the clammy feeling of the blood and rushed out, grabbing her blanket to wrap around her as she ran to the sick bay. Some people looked as she ran by but she didn't care, though hoped that the blanket at least gave them some trouble in identifying their freaked out looking Captain turned girl.

She rushed to Bone's office the moment the doors wooshed open and bolted through the door. "Bones, help!! There's- I've been wounded, or some disease-something!"

Bones nearly jumped up and rushed over, looking her over. "What, what is it? What the hell is it?!" If Jim was freaking out and ran to him, it must be bad.

"I'm bleeding!!"

"Where, goddamit!?"

Jim blushed suddenly. "Um…that's the scary part…"

"Why?!"

Still blushing, she undid the blanket from around her.

"Dammit Jim, you look fine!"

"I'm not fine! I'm bleeding!"

"I don't see any blood!"

"Because I'm bleeding out my pussy!"

That made Bones stop and stare, feeling honestly dumbfounded. "You're…."

"Do you want me to show you my boxers! I woke up and they were covered in blood! And don't get me started on the bathroom!"

"Oh god…"

"I know, right! What's wrong with me!?"

"Are you honestly asking me that?"

"Bones, this is no time for jokes!! I'm dying!"

"I'm not joking, Jim. Think for a moment. I know you probably skipped school like no one's business, but were you at least there during sex ed?"

"Well yeah, but it wasn't nearly as fun as I thought it would be…"

"Think over that lesson, when they were talking about girls."

Jim did and his eyes slowly widened. "Oh…oh god…you mean…"

"Congratulations, Jim. If there was any doubt before, you are now officially a woman."

"…"

"You're not going to faint again, are you?"

"I didn't faint!"

"Good."

"Uh…Bones?"

"What?"

"…What do I do about…you know…"

"…Nurse Chapel!!"

What proceeded was a very awkward hour of Nurse Chapel, who Jim remembered coming onto a couple of times, explaining the use pads, tampons and various medications. She also replicated him a pair of cotton panties to wear since no, there were no pads made for boxers. His nice green silk ones were tossed in the burnable medical waste bin.

Jim was exceedingly glad Bones was absent for this, having said he would go get breakfast as they talked. The tampon was a bit beyond Jim, who had glared indignantly when Nurse Chapel nearly fell out of her chair laughing when he said she wasn't sure she could manage to stick anything in there herself. The woman was wheezing something about "that's a first".

"You know what I meant!"

After the nurse gave her a rundown of the dos and don'ts, including a padd with all the necessary information, Jim returned to his room at a calmer pace wearing a pair of scrub pants from the medical wing and with the blanket around her shoulders.

She was surprised to see Spock standing outside her door. "Uh, hey…I know I'm late for Alpha shift, but there was some…thing I needed to take care of-"

"I had several reports of you running to sick bay 1 hour, 38 minutes and 34 seconds ago in your sleep attire, looking frenzied. Dr. McCoy arrived at the mess hall shortly after and I went to question him on your status. He would, however, not inform me of it, saying that it was a private matter. I came to await your return to ensure you do not need assistance."

Jim blinked at him before smiling a little, feeling rather touched. "No, Spock, I don't need assistance right now. I just need to change and then I'll be at the bridge."

The Vulcan nodded before suddenly tensing and leaning in, searching his face. "I smell blood. Are you injured, Captain?"

Jim felt his face heat up and his blood pressure rise before she quickly shoved him back. "You don't just ask a girl that, Spock!" Jim would later reflect on why he immediately stated his femininity so readily.

"It is only logical to ask if you are injured when blood is detected. Are you?" he pressed.

Jim glared at him before taking a deep breath. "How well do you know human anatomy and physiology, Spock?" he asked, knowing the answer.

"I am well versed in many areas of such, between the basic and expert level."

"Okay, then think. Why would a human girl be "bleeding" all of a sudden if she doesn't look injured?" she said tersely.

Jim could see the little wheels working in that brilliant mind before his eyebrows rose and eyes widened, ears greening up just slightly. "You have begun your menstrual cycle?"

"No shit, Sherlock!" Jim snapped. She straightened before raking a hand through her short hair. "Wait, no…sorry Spock, I…I know your just trying to help...not sure why i snapped...I'm just not handling this well I think. I didn't mean to snap like that, really."

"It's not a problem, Captain. I believe you have been handling this situation better than many would."

She looked up in surprise again before smiling slightly. "Thanks. Now let me get changed and I'll see you on the bridge."

Spock nodded once and turned, heading down the hall with his arms behind his back primly.

After changing, Jim went down to the bridge and began about his duties, but he was constantly distracted. First he just felt tired and achy all over. Several times he had to stop himself from bending over and grasping his abdomen with a curse. Chapel had given him some simple meds to help with the pain, but apparently this female body of his didn't like medical treatments either and was choosing to ignore them. And she constantly felt like she needed to pee. This combination made her twitch and squirm in her chair constantly, making some of her crew look at her like she was about to break into dance.

Uhura looked rather smug when she glanced over. She had a feeling she knew what was happening to him, and he wished she'd have a little more sympathy given she must have to go through this too. Then again, that might be why she was so smug…

The next day wasn't much better. More aches, pains and cramps. When her shift was over, Jim headed down to sick bay. Bones was looking through his inventory, marking off things on a padd. "What is it now, Jim?"

"My insides are still trying to revolt…"

"I can't help you. If ibuprofen doesn't help you, I'm not giving you something stronger just for menstrual cramps."

"But it hurts…"

"You could try a heating pad, Captain," Chapel said, taking pity on him. "It usually helps."

"Really? Then-"

"Our heating pad is still busted. Electrical malfunction," Bones said.

"Oh yes…" Chapel shot an apologetic look to Jim but she smiled as best she could.

"It's alright, maybe something else would work." Chapel nodded then got called to help an actual patient. Jim went over and set her head against Bones' back. "Can't you do anything?"

"No, now if you're just going to whine, go lie down in your room or something."

Jim huffed then paused. _Bones is warm…_

"Jim, what-what the hell?!" he yelled, startling several patients and nurses who looked over and had to resist laughing. Jim had her arms around Bones' neck, and her legs around his waist, pressed up close to his back like a baby koala. The doctor was blushing, but they all had a feeling it was more anger than embarrassment. "What the hell do you think your doing?!"

"You're warm…" Jim said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Bones was slightly hunched under the weight of a full grown woman on his back, but he growled and tried to reach back at her and pry her off. This resulted in an odd almost hermit crab looking dance, Jim grinning and refusing to let go.

After a few minutes of this Spock came through the door and paused, staring at them. "Captain…Dr. McCoy…I believe I'm unfamiliar with this form of human interaction."

"It's called "get him-her the hell off my back, you damn green blooded hobgoblin!""

"That's an oddly specific name," Jim quipped, cuddling closer. Spock's eyebrow twitched, his posture going a little straighter and hands tightening around the padd he was holding. The other two noticed none of that as McCoy was still trying to unseat his unwanted passenger.

"Dammit, Jim, I'm a doctor, not your heating pad!"

"Heating pad?" the Vulcan asked, tilting his head.

"Chapel said a heating pad would help relieve cramps and this-" McCoy paused in whatever insult he was about to deliver and then smirked at Spock, making the Vulcan's eyebrow tick. "Oh Jim? You know, Vulcan's are naturally much, much warmer than humans. And stronger, so he can actually hold you up."

Jim's eyes, which had been shut momentarily, opened again and she looked at Spock. The Vulcan looked back and, for a moment, considered going back out the door. It wouldn't be fleeing, he reasoned, merely well planned escape.

Before he could however Jim had jumped down and was heading for him. Spock held up the pad to block her, looking at her seriously. "I would prefer you not, Captain."

Jim paused and pouted, looking honestly sad. "Oh…the no touchy thing, huh?"

"Yes."

"Okay…"

Chapel frowned at Spock before setting a hand on Jim's shoulder. "A warm towel can work too. Heat one in the replecator's heat function for a while and then set it on your stomach."

Jim smiled, but she still seemed disappointed. "Okay. I'll go rest in my room now then, let you all get back to work." She headed out the door, Spock eyes narrowing slightly in what he would never admit would be concern.

"You know, as much as I hate to admit it, we women are very emotional during this sort of thing. I think you might've hurt the captain's feelings."

Spock's eyes narrowed again before he offered the pad to her. "Here is the pad with the ordering lists for when Dr. McCoy is done with inventory." He turned and left before Chapel could argue.

* * *

Jim's suffering isn't over just yet…


	4. Tea Time and Cravings

Chapel was right, the towel trick worked pretty well. She'd almost set the towel on fire the first time, but had managed to keep it to just a slight smoking and letting it air out and cool befores he laid down and set it over the cramping area. She'd fallen into a nice doze on the bed before the chime on her door rang and she glared. _Ignore it, they'll think I'm not in and leave._ It rang again and she growled. _I'm trying to relax, dammit! _

Another ring and he growled. Standing, she ordered the door open and chucked the towel at whoever was behind it. "I'm off duty, let the captain re-" She didn't finish and choked on her next words when she realized it wasn't some stupid ensign come to bother her about some stupid paperwork or something equally stupid. No, it was her First Officer standing there, the towel now draped half on his head, half around his shoulders like a lopsided khimar head wrap. It didn't seem to phase him.

"Is this a bad time, Captain?" he asked coolly.

"No, no…" Jim sighed and went to gently take the towel back. "I'm sorry, Spock. You just seem to get the brunt of the mood swings I was warned about…" At least the towel hadn't still been hot. Though the Vulcan probably wouldn't have noticed.

"It is fine, Captain. I'm rather used to it."

Jim gave him a slight snort of a laugh and put the towel around her shoulders. "So, what brings you by? Something I need to sign?"

Spock shifted slightly, almost embarrassed looking if Jim let herself think that, before holding out a mug in his hand towards him. He'd of course managed not to spill a drop of the milky amberish-brown liquid during the towel attack. Jim stared at it before looking up curiously.

"I did some research after you left sick bay. Since advanced medical techniques do not appear to work on you, I thought perhaps a natural remedy would. This is raspberry leaf tea. Both the cultures of China and England on earth have used it for centuries to relieve menstrual cramping. It is also an excellent source of calcium, iron, phosphorous, and vitamins A, B, and E. A human woman's body is often depleted of these important nutrients during normal menstruation, so the tea will help replace them." Spock looked like there was something more so Jim tilted her head. "…My mother used to drink it for such problems, I believe."

Her eyes widened and she looked at the cup before gently taking it. Lifting it up, she took a small sip and smiled. "It tastes pretty good."

Spock's eyes took on that gentle look they did when he was pleased about something and Jim smiled. "Thanks, Spock."

"Of course Captain. It's only logical to ensure you are not in pain for your next shift and well taken care of."

"Logical, huh?"

"The ship does depend on you."

Jim smiled slightly. No matter what he said, he could see the small token for what it was. "Okay, Spock. I'll see you at Gamma shift, okay?"

"Yes Captain."

"You know, I really wish you'd call me Jim when it's just us. It's not like we're on the bridge taking calls right now."

"…Perhaps. I should go rest as well. I will see you at Gamma shift, Captain." He turned and walked away and Jim shook his head, sipping the tea again and going back to sit on his bed. He might as well get some of that cursed paperwork done, though it wasn't as if he hadn't suffered enough.

* * *

The cramps got better after that. If they started up again, Jim would excuse herself or ask an ensign to get her some of the tea and they would quiet down as she sipped. She noticed Spock would get that gentle look around his eyes every time and smiled to herself. _Happy he helped I think, no matter what he says._ It gave her an oddly pleasant feeling inside to think that.

She continued her tea routine till she went to sleep. When she woke up, she was craving something…she wasn't sure what though. She got her tea and some pancakes in the mess, sitting down to eat with Bones, Sulu and Chekov.

"Good morning, Keptin," Chekov said.

"Good morning. I trust everyone is ready to get to work?"

"Of course, Captain," Spock said. They were all surprised when he took a seat beside Kirk, though a respectable gap was between them. "We are making great strides in the reversal process, captain. I don't expect it will be much longer till we can change you back."

"Great! But you couldn't have figured that out before the monster cramps and bleeding?"

The other men all looked queasy at that, knowing what he was referring too and still going through more than likely. Spock remained calm and composed though.

"My apologies, Captain. There were several unforeseen delays in—"

"I was joking, Spock. Really, it's fine. The cramps aren't so bad anymore." She toasted him with her mug of tea and that gentleness came back to the half-Vulcan's eyes. _You can't hide your feelings there, can you?_

She ate her breakfast, but frowned when she was done.

"Something wrong, Jim?" Sulu asked. Spock gave him an odd look and he tensed slightly.

"No…I just have kind of a craving for something…but I'm not sure what…"

"Something sweet?" Chekov asked.

"Yeah…I think I want chocolate…I sometimes get cravings for something chocolaty on Earth too. …That doesn't leave this table."

Chekov and Sulu chuckled, Bones smiling just a little. Spock seemed to tense a little at "chocolate".

"Go replicate yourself something with chocolate then," Bones said.

Jim pouted slightly. "Replicated chocolate isn't the same though…"

"Well, can't help you there. Unless you want chocolate laxatives from the sickbay."

"Ha ha, very funny." Jim's watch beeped and he stood. "Time for alpha shift anyway. It'll go away eventually, I'm fine."

He wasn't really, though. For the rest of the shift he continued to crave chocolate. He tired some replicated chocolate ice cream during break, but it didn't do anything for him and in fact made him a little more depressed.

It was just when Alpha shift ended and they were about to leave when a candy bar was dropped into her lap. She looked up, and was even more surprised to see Uhura standing over her, looking down in sympathy. "I get cravings for chocolate sometimes too. Stalked up last leave."

Jim looked at the bar then up at her communications officer. "…For me?"

"Well, yeah. Honestly, I'm glad you get this perspective on what it's like being a girl and I hope it teaches you a lesson, but I also know it can be tough."

Jim blinked then smiled, picking up the candy bar. "Thanks, Uhura."

She smiled and waved her hand. "Chekov and Sulu told me about your craving. They knew I had a stash."

Jim looked over at her helmsman and navigator, who both smiled and she smiled back. _Okay…friends are nice, even without benefits._ She unwrapped part of the bar and took a bite, smiling happily at the taste of smooth milk chocolate that melted in her mouth. Replicated chocolate could never get that right. The others all smiled at her obvious enjoyment, though Spock seemed to be staring a bit.

"You like chocolate, Spock?" she asked, thinking maybe he was craving it too.

The Vulcan tensed before straightening, his face perfectly composed. "No, Captain. I'm not fond of it at all."

Jim frowned as he left, wondering if he'd said something wrong, when Uhura leaned in. "Chocolate is like alcohol to Vulcans. A couple of bon bons and Spock would probably be plastered."

"Really?" Jim asked in surprise. "I don't remember that in xenobiology…"

"They gloss over it in basics, but I was in the advanced class."

"…Ever try to get him drunk?"

"Thought about it, but it's like leading a horse to water. You can't make him eat a chocolate bar." They snickered together and looked up at the odd looks from the two men.

"What?"

"You are, how you say…having girl talk?" Chekov said.

"Well…I am a girl right now," Jim said, taking another bite.

"Yeah, but you really looked like a couple of girlfriends gossiping just now," Sulu said.

They looked at each other consideringly. "…I could totally help wax your eyebrows," Uhura said, teasing.

Jim laughed, knowing she was getting him back for all his crazy remarks. "I haven't fallen that far, yet, Lieutenant. I don't think I want finely shaped eyebrows when I'm a man again."

"A little manscaping is good though," she countered.

"There's manscaping and then there's dragqueening. And I don't think you want to imagine me in the women's uniform when I'm a man again."

Uhura gave a disgusted look while Sulu pretended he was going to be sick and Chekov just laughed. "You would have good legs for it, da?"

"Of course. Kirk family genentics." She pretended like she was posing in a swimsuit magazine and they all cracked up, even those coming in to relieve them. "Come on, so we don't get in the next shifts way." They left, Jim still munching on the chocolate bar. "…You know, I do have a new respect for women."

Uhura looked at him in surprise. "Oh?"

"Well, I never really though the cramps and everything must've been that bad, especially since you seem just fine most of the time."

"I've had years to get used to them though."

"True, but really, I know now they are pretty hard to handle sometimes. They'd probably be worse if it weren't for Spock."

"Spock?" they all asked.

"Yeah. He brought me this tea yesterday, helps with cramps. Raspberry leaf tea. It really works, and I'm glad cause of course none of the medicine in sickbay was working on me."

"Spock did that?" Uhura as in surprise.

"Uh huh."

"Huh…have to say, I'm a little jealous. He never did that for me. Then again I wasn't a big baby when mine came around."

"Hey…" Jim tilted her head. "Your jealous? Are you still-sorry, too personal?"

She smiled. "I'm glad you're actually asking that part for once. It's okay though. Spock and I agreed to the break up mutually. Honestly, I think a lot of it was the heat of the moment and all that. I mean, I like him, he's incredibly intelligent which is a big turn on for me, and he was my teacher-"

"I had no idea you could be so kinky," Jim chuckled.

She rolled her eyes but continued. "But the romance…the spark, just wasn't there after the danger went down. I still care about him a lot of course, he's probably my best friend now. But I guess he's just not the one for me."

"I have heard hi stress situations can make you feel things you didn't think you would feel," Sulu agreed.

Uhura nodded. "Me too. And since I didn't feel the same when I wasn't "stressed" no mater how much I tried, and neither did he we figured it was best to end it."

Jim blinked and looked thoughtful, nibbling the chocolate still.

"Something the matter, Keptin?" Chekov asked.

"No…just thinking." _I've been stressed lately with everything and looking at Spock differently…could that be why?_


	5. Feminism 101

Okay, I want to thank everyone for all their great reviews, kind words and encouragement! I honestly didn't expect this fic to go over well, but I'm getting alerts quite a bit already so I'm happy. :D I hope you'll enjoy it till the end.

Trying to keep the chapters short, but this sets up the next part so…

* * *

After that shift, Bones was looking over the padd, checking off and filling in the proper places for ordering more supplies which would be sent to the next outpost they would reach in another couple of days. Looking up, he eyes the Vulcan standing in front of him. "You gonna keep floating around till I'm done?"

"I am not floating, Dr. McCoy. Vulcans posses no lighter than air capabilities."

"Why is it everything you say just makes me want to smack you…?"

"You possess a violent disposition."

"Around you, yeah."

"I did not specify if it was merely in my presence or not, but as I would not be able to observe you not in my presence I will concede that point."

"Excuse me-" He's stopped when the door to sick bay opens and Jim comes in. "Oh perfect, now what, more troubles with that time of…"

He trailed off as Jim apparently completely ignored the two men and headed straight for Chapel. She talked in a hushed voice with the nurse, her arms crossed over her chest almost defensive looking. Nurse Chapel blinked then looked sympathetic and patted her shoulder gently, speaking back. Jim looked relieved, then embarrassed and dropped her defensive posture to rub at the back of her head. Chapel laughed and gently pushed her back towards the door, their still female captain looking relieved.

"What was that about?" Bones asked.

Chapel looked at him and smiled. "Oh, she was just wondering if it was normal for breasts to be extra sensitive during menstruation. She bumped into an ensign and it felt, and I quote, "Like someone kidney punched me, but in the chest.""

Both men blushed, though Spock's was just a slight greening of the ears.

"Remind me next time curiosity mentally scarred the cat," Bones grumbled.

* * *

The next day Jim felt better still. She hoped this meant the horror of her first (and hopefully only) period was almost over. But evidently the trials she had to face weren't.

"Captain," Uhura said. "We have an incoming transmission from Admiral Pike…"

"What, now?" she hissed. Admiral Pike, and Starfleet in general, had not yet been made aware of his…condition. Spock had for once agreed with him that getting Starfleet involved would slow down the process of finding a reversal even more because they'd want to do tests on him, having to take him off the Enterprise for a while. And some members of the crew (Scotty came to mind) would revolt, thinking they were going to replace Jim or promote Spock and someone else to first officer and never let him come back. She'd managed to convince Spock after a few hours of wheedling and debating that waiting till after they had found the reverse would be the best time to file the report, and he could claim it was captain's orders if they didn't like the delay.

"Yes, now. He says it's urgent."

Jim nibbled on her lip. Pike was a busy man now with his Admiralness and teaching at the academy, giving lectures, discussing…whatever admirals discussed. If he said it was urgent and was calling personally, it more than likely pretty darn urgent.

Sighing, she sat back in the chair and tried to relax. "Okay…Put him on screen."

Uhura nodded and brought the admiral up.

"About time! Captain Kirk, we have a mission we need…completed…Okay, what the heck kind of joke is this?"

"Can I help you, Admiral Pike?" Part of her wanted to laugh at this but she knew this wasn't the time.

"I don't find this amusing, cadet," Pike growled. "Go get your Captain."

"I'm sitting right here, sir."

"I'm talking about James Kirk!"

"And I'm right here."

"This is serious business, and if you don't-"

"I am James Tiberius Kirk, Captain of the USS Enterprise. And when you got drunk on our last get together you told me that you had always thought my mother was an incredibly attractive woman, but resisted the urge to ask her out because you knew my father would lay into you for it-"

Pike's eyes widened. "Jim?!"

"Yessir?"

"Oh god…how…?"

"It involves saliva, pheromones and the transporter."

"Don't ask, got it…" Pike rubbed his temples and took a deep breath. "How long…have you been like this?"

"Er…roughly a month, give or take a day or two."

"A month?! You've been a woman for a month?! Why wasn't Starfleet informed of…this?"

"With all do respect sir, our science team is nearly done with a reversal and we reached a consensus that if Starfleet attempted to remove me from the Enterprise for examination it would take even longer. I decided that notifying Starfleet after the fact would be would lead to a more satisfactory result." Jim had gotten good at the language of communicating between two members of Starfleet.

Pike however knew the language of Jim Kirk and arched his eyebrows when that was translated out to 'I didn't want to go through a huge examination process off ship and risk someone else coming in to mess with my mojo, so I figured I'd tell you after it happened so you couldn't really get that mad.'

"You said something was urgent, Admiral. You need us for something?" She asked.

"Well…yes, but given circumstances…"

"I'm perfectly healthy other than being a different sex." _Though I have to deal with some new bodily functions, but that's not the same thing. _"I'm still perfectly capable of performing my duties as Captain."

"Yes, but this is a bit of a delicate matter…"

"How so?"

"Well, yesterday was the anniversary of the signing of a treaty between us and the people of Uriel. We sent over one of our best admirals to celebrate the event traditionally, but…"

"Something went wrong?"

"The Admiral got into an argument with Urelian leader and the leader refuses to speak with him now. He's close to dissolving the treaty, which could mean a lot of problems given that Uriel is home to several dozen refining factories we sort of need."

"So you want to send someone else in to try and renegotiate and pacify the leader, right?"

"Yes, and you all just happened to come up as having no immediate pressing missions aside after collecting the data from Selas V, which you've already done more than enough, so we had thought…"

"It's alright, Admiral, we can be there soon."

"Well, you don't have to Jim."

"What? But you said…"

"Well, given the circumstances…"

Jim felt a little bit if ire rising. "By circumstances do you mean the fact I'm a woman now?"

"Er…"

"Is there a reason a woman wouldn't be fit for this? Do the Urelians not like women?"

"No, women do hold high positions in government, though the leader is a man…"

"Then why?"

Pike cleared his throat. "Captain Kirk, going down there as you are now would be almost like presenting a false face to the Urelians since this isn't how you normally look-"

"I could explain such things if necessary. Admiral Pike, are you sexist?"

"Of course not!"

"Good, because I see no reason why, given these circumstances, _my_ circumstances would hinder us in this mission. I'm a woman, not on my deathbed. Considering the many accomplishments women have done in history, as well as in Starfleet itself, that should be obvious. The women of my own crew put up with much at the risk of their lives near daily, as well as the stresses of being a woman itself and-"

"I get it, Jim, I get it!" Pike said. He chuckled a little. "Not sure I would've pegged you for a feminist at heart, but glad to see it. Truthfully, the Urellian Leader is a noted…ladies man, so I really just wanted to spare you that."

"Oh…well, I'm sure it's nothing I can't handle."

"I think you always say that…but alright. From your coordinates, it should take you a little more than a day to get to Uriel."

"Understood, sir."

Pike nodded, taking her in again. "…You look so much like your mother…"

Jim felt her jaw clench slightly but smiled. "Don't be coming on to me now, sir, you had your chance."

Pike just laughed. "I'll remember that. Pike out."

"Kirk out." The screen went black and Jim sighed. She really wasn't sure where that sentiment had come up from. While he'd never been the kind of guy who thought women should just stay home and raise the kids, one couldn't necessarily call him a raging feminist either. Uhura was looking at him a little more appreciatively though so he counted it as a success.

"Mr. Chekov, Mr. Sulu, set a course for Uriel."

"Aye Captain," they replied, beginning preparations

"Lt. Uhura, please inform the crew of our change in plans."

"Yes Captain."

"Mr. Spock," her voice went a little hushed. "Um, we don't have to be around the planet anymore to work on the reversal, right?"

Spock gave him a look that clearly said 'You just thought of that?' even if to anyone else it would look like the same face he always had. "No, Captain, we have aquired any needed data and samples for that process already and the likelihood of needing more is below 6% probablility."

"Good. Time to focus on the next task then." Jim sat down, looking thoughtful.

"Do you have an idea of how to get the Urellian leader to agree, Captain?" Spock asked.

Jim blinked at him. "How'd you know?"

"You have been known to smirk when you have an idea you believe to be a good one. The success of these ideas varies on an 84% success rate. Which is quite amazing considering that predictably less than 29% should fail."

She stared before smiling. _Guess I'm not the only one learning to read people. _"I have an idea from what Pike said, but I'm gonna need help to pull it off."

"I am willing to give my assistance as needed, Captain."

"Thank you, Mr. Spock, but as far as I'm sure your knowledge must go, I think this is rather out of your league." Spock's eyes narrowed slightly along with his mouth. Jim smiled back. "I don't mean that as an insult, I'm just pretty sure this is out of your areas of expertise." She turned in her chair. "Lt. Uhura!"

The woman looked up in surprise. "Yes Captain."

"I'm going to require your assistance after shift in order to prepare for this meeting."

Uhura nodded slowly, obviously confused as well. "Of course, Captain."

The others looked at each other in confusion (minus Spock who just arched an eyebrow), but soon were zooming off away into space.


	6. Extreme Makeover, Kirk edition

And it's back! :D

* * *

After the shift Jim and Uhura disappeared. They were not seen for the rest of the day, but from within Jim's quarters, many screams could be heard. And much cursing, so they weren't the good kind of screams.

Spock at one point went to the door and chimed it intently, pressing the intercom. "Captain, Lt. Uhura, I request to know what is happening that makes the Captain scream so much and whether I should fetch Dr. McCoy. Immediately."

Uhura's voice came back through, sounding pleased and like she was trying not to laugh. "It's okay, Spock. The Captain's not in danger. She's just a big wuss."

"Shut up, it _hurts_, goddamit!!" he heard Jim yell.

"Well, now you know what we have to go through."

"You go through hell, that's what!"

"Amen, sister. And I offered to stop several times."

"James T. Kirk finishes what he starts! And it's part of the plan!"

"What about when he's a she?"

"Same rules, different pronoun."

"Gotcha."

"Lt. Uhura, what is going on in there?" Spock asked again, trying not to get annoyed. He was certainly not worried. Not at all.

Uhura paused but he could hear the smile in her voice when she spoke. "Sorry Spock, I think it's better left for a surprise. But don't worry, the Captain's fine."

"The hell I am, this is torture!"

"Lt. Uhu-"

"It's hyperbole, Spock. Remember, we talked about that?"

Spock frowned but took a breath. "Very well, but if anymore loud disturbances occur, I shall insist the door be opened to ensure that you are both fine."

"Duely noted, Commander."

Spock nodded and headed off. Still not worried, of course.

* * *

The next morning had them about 14 minutes from Uriel at the beginning of Alpha shift. The crew was making preparations, though the absence of their captain was noticed soon enough. She had opted to skip gamma shifted the evening before, stating that she still needed time to prepare for meeting with the Urellian leader.

However, when she left her room that morning, everyone she passed took noticed. Male ensigns often paused to stare after in a mix of confusion and awe, and a little disturbed nature for some who reminded themselves their captain was typically all man.

She entered the bridge with most of the crew facing away. "Status report?"

"We are roughly 10 minutes away form Uriel, Captain, and will be dropping out of warp soon to make our approach," Sulu said. He turned to address the captain fully and stopped, mouth open, to take in the sight.

The first thing he realized was that Jim was wearing a female head officer's uniform meant for dignitary occasions. This meant a full gold colored shirt with long sleeves that had been skillfully tailored to accentuate a woman's curves. Said curves were indeed present and obvious since Jim had opted not to zip up the middle zipper all the way, giving a little window of skin between the black collar connected to the uniform, which was buttoned around her neck more up to dress standards, down to the area just above her breasts. Her Starfleet emblem was proudly glittering over her heart where it traditionally was. Beneath the top was a skirt, not as short as the regular female ensigns and lieutenants were as it stopped a few inches above the knee, but it had a tantalizing slit up one side almost to her upper thigh. Her shoes were a pair of ankle boots in a slight heel that created the right posture to show off her nice figure.

The next thing he noticed was that her hair was trimmed. Instead of the more boyish short cut from before, it was now styled more the way a woman in charge would wear it (a pixie cut it was ironically called, though Jim Kirk was no pixie in either form).

And finally it was the face. Her eyebrows had been groomed to look more feminine, accentuating the pleasant shape of her brow and eyes. And…

"Yes, Mr. Sulu, I'm wearing make up. Stop gawking please," Jim said tersely. Indeed, the captain was wearing a pleasant shade of smoky pink lipstick, mascara to accentuate her already long lashes, and just a touch of liner and eye shadow to make her eyes stand out.

Everyone turned then and similarly gaped at their captain.

"Would you all cut that out! You didn't stare this much when I was a man…"

"If you'll pardon me, Captain, that's kind of why we're staring…" Sulu said.

"Keptin, your legs!" Chekov exclaimed. It was obvious they were smooth and hair free.

Jim blushed a shifted a little. "Uhura insisted on waxing them if I was going to wear the skirt…and I needed to wear the skirt to pull of this look and the plan."

All the screaming the other day suddenly made sense. Sulu looked at Uhura who smiled. "I told him I was getting him back for his plan. The phrase "feminine wiles" came up."

Jim frowned before turning and walking over to her to her. "Lt. I would like you to honestly, completely honestly, tell me there has never been a time you used your good looks, charm and the male ego to your advantage in order to get information or something you wanted."

Uhura opened her mouth, then paused and thought it over before sighing. "Alright, I'll concede on that. But-"

"And if you should incinuate I'm going to offer myself sexually, I will be not only offended as your captain but as your friend," she whispered gravely. Uhura looked surprised before her eyes softened a little.

"I was going to say "but that doesn't mean I have to like it". I know you are not…that kind of person at heart, sir. I managed to piece it together from months together and our talking yesterday during your "torture"." Jim smiled a little and nodded.

Spock walked in then, having been in the science station earlier to track the progress of reversing Jims gender bending. "Captain, I believe given this data we…" He looked up from his padd to address Jim and paused, eyes widening minutely and flicking over him in an instant. Jim could see a slight green tint to his ears and cheeks though his face was set in stone. The padd slipped an inch before he quickly tightened his grip on it.

Jim smiled slightly. _Well, if I didn't feel pretty before, I do now if I can get that reaction from him._ She waited a moment before smiling more. "If you continue to stare, Mr. Spock, you're going to make me blush."

Spock snapped back to himself at that and cleared his throat. "You…have dressed up for this occasion, Captain?"

"All part of the plan. And Starfleet had better damn well appreciate it because waxing hurts like a mother…" he added under his breath.

Spock's eyebrow ticked up momentarily but he presented her with the padd. As I was saying, we will more than likely have a reversal process for your situation with in the next few days."

"Thank goodness. I've done more things this week I would never, ever have considered doing than I have in…well, a long time anyway." He looked over the padd, sitting down in the chair the way he normally did. Legs apart and leaning back.

Spock cleared his throat, blushing a slight green again that could only be seen up close again. "Captain, you may wish to reconsider your seating arrangement."

"What?" Jim looked down and then blushed before quickly snapping her legs back shut and crossing them at the ankle. "Uh, thanks Spock…used to pants…"

"Understood, Captain. Please try to remember to sit such as this in the meeting."

"I'll do my best."

The ship rocked just slightly as it left warp and they approached a planet of bright blue-green oceans and large continents of land, though it was about ¾ the size of earth. As they entered the outer atmosphere, a transmission came in revealing a middle aged looking woman of purple skin and cat like features to her face and large, bat like ears.

"This is the Urellian council hall to the USS _Enterprise_. Do you read us?"

_If I was still a guy, that would be intriguing to go for…As such, business first. _"We read you. This is Captain James T. Kirk of the enterprise."

She blinked, the action revealing two sets of eyelids much like a cat as well. "Captain Kirk? Forgive us if this is a rude assumption, but we had been under the impression the infamous Kirk was a man, not a female."

"It's a rather long story, Miss…"

"Surrel. I am one of the secretaries to the council. Councilman Raganere is refusing contact till you may meet in person. He is still rather offended by Admiral Archer."

"Archer?" Jim said, straightening.

"You know Admiral Archer personally?"

"No but one of my crew sure as hell does…" she added in a mutter. "I will beam down to the council hall at your earliest convenience."

"We are ready for your arrival whenever you wish, Captain Kirk."

Jim nodded and surrel bowed her head before the transmission cut. "Spock, make sure Scotty doesn't know that Archer is here, and make sure Archer doesn't manage to track him down. I really don't want to deal with what might happen should they meet."

"Understood, Captain."

"And get ready to come down to Uriel with me."

"Captain, as I have stated time and again, it is Starfleet policy-"

"You really want to leave me out of your supervision for this? We all know what my version of diplomacy can lead to."

"…Your logic is still sound," he said, and Jim thought he detected a slight bit of annoyance. He had a knack for figuring ways for Spock to come down with him, which usually turned out for the better in terms of getting people out safely, getting things done well, and Spock semi enjoying himself should it be peaceful and he just has time to examine things.

Jim smiled sweetly and Spock looked away. Standing, she wobbled a little but soon righted herself. "Are you alright, Captain?"

"Yeah, just not used to these shoes…remind me to look into Uhura's idea of contending regulations on these things, they're dangerous in high stress situations. I can see why a lot of our girls get sprained ankles…"

Uhura smiled a little to herself as they passed. Once in the transporter room, one of the ensigns coming with them offered a hand to her from atop the pad. "Careful, Captain. It can be difficult to step up and down in high heels if you're not used to them."

Jim arched her eyebrows before taking his hand. Spocks brow twitched and he looked determinedly to the controls. "Do I want to know how you know that, ensign Mercado?"

He smiled, obviously pleased she knew his name. "Oh, just observation. I have several sisters, younger and older."

Jim chuckled (it was too deep to be a giggle, he swears). "I'll defer to your expertise on the matter then, ensign."

There was a minute frown, barely noticeable, on Spock's face, but Jim's developing "Vulcan mood reading radar" picked up on it and he leaned in slightly as Scotty got ready to send them down. "Spock, if you don't want to go, I won't force you. I just thought your skills would come in handy if need be."

Spock seemed to relax slightly before looking down at her. "I concur, Captain. While you have a strange ability to charm many, you often let your emotions dictate your actions. While often beneficial, they can also detract from out ultimate goals."

"…I'm gonna take that is "I'd rather come along and make sure you don't manage to start an international incident again"."

"The Arlian incident does come to mind, Captain…"

Jim giggled (he couldn't deny it this time) and there was the barest twitch in Spock's lips she didn't see as they were beamed down to Uriel.


	7. Going through Emotions

Okay, slightly longer chapter :3 I decided to do a recap from Spock's point of view so everyone could know how he feels about this.

* * *

They reappeared on the surface of Uriel just at the base of the massive amounts of steps leading up to the council hall. Jim gaped a moment, feeling suddenly angry that she had worn heels, but sighed and began up them without any complaint, Spock one step behind her and the ensigns around them.

On one step midway through, Jim gasped when her heel suddenly tilted and she pitched backward. The idea of falling down all those steps, probably breaking her neck flashed through her mind and she shut her eyes for impact. Before she fell against the stone steps though, she felt an arm around her waist, another on her upper arm, lifting and righting her. Looking up she was somewhat surprised to see it was Spock. The other ensigns were tensed as if about to help, but her first officer's reflexes had allowed him to act first. When Jim could stand on her own his arm retreated and he stepped back. "Are you alright Captain?"

Jim was not blushing. She had not enjoyed the feel of that strong arm around her, supporting her, keeping her safe. Or the inhuman heat that had come through two layers of clothes to her skin and made her wonder what it must feel like with no barriers. Or the barest, tiniest hint of concern in those dark eyes that made her wonder if she was the only one that got that look. _I'm not a goddamn school girl with a crush! Focus, Jim!_ "Um, yeah, fine. Just uh, not use to taking stairs in heels I guess."

Spock nodded. "It seems your earlier analysis of their usefulness in the field has merit. As some of the women of the crew have been making inquiries into being part of away teams more recently, I will look into requiring that they wear more sensible shoes."

"Yeah…pants too, would be good. Bit, uh…distracting to be worrying about flashing people."

"Flashing?"

Jim gave a wry grin. "I'll explain it to you later, Spock. Let's keep going."

Once at the top, she felt moderately exhausted and could tell she would have some blisters and other sores, but she straightened her back and smiled when Surrel walked out and smiled back.

"Captain Kirk, enterprise crew, Councilman Raganere is waiting in his chambers. Please follow me." They did so, Jim admiring the open and airy architecture. Much of the Urellian buildings seemed to be built of a white, smooth stone like marble, but without the natural veins and spots. The buildings outside the council hall were no different, or so it looked from the huge airy windows they passed. Natural temperate breezes wafted in through some of the windows that were open and Jim smiled since it felt rather nice. There were decorations of woven portraits on the walls, depicting both battles and scenes of beauty. Jim had to keep from pausing when they passed a picture of nude Urellian women dancing around a fire on the beach beneath the stars. _My kind of party…_

They came to one door made of a dark red wood and Surrel pushed it open. Inside was a large room that held a desk at one end, with many personal effects and accomplishments around it, and conferencing table with chairs around it. At one of the chairs was what must be Councilman Rangere, and Jim gulped a little. While the female Urellians were catlike in their faces and grace, males were more like lions. Rangere stood and turned to face them, a good seven feet tall with dark lavender skin and a muzzle reminiscent of a lion. His large ears were somewhat hidden under a mess of black hair that Jim couldn't resist to call a mane. And he was broad and muscular, looking more like a warrior than a councilor, though his longer robes of black and silver weren't fit for battle. Rangere's yellowish green eyes widened when he saw Jim, taking in his current curvier form, and a small smile came to his face.

"Captain Kirk, I may presume," he said in a deep voice that Jim had to admit was sexy.

Jim nodded with a smile. "I'm Captain James T. Kirk, yes. It's a pleasure to meet you, Councilman Rangere."

Rangere offered his large hand and Jim took it, noticing that with his smaller stature nearly his entire hand fit in his larger one. _Kind of hot…_ They shook hands and sat down at the table, Spock next to Jim and the ensigns were relieved to go on a tour with Surrel that they might better understand the culture of Uriel for Starfleet and the Enterprise's future use. "I'm sorry that for you to have been called here so abruptly," Rangere said. "I realize you must be busy, being a the captain of a ship. However, Admiral Archer and I…differed enough on one subject that we ended up in a heated argument, and I have trouble taking to him at all now."

"That's understandable. I'm sure he meant no disrespect, but you have to understand many of us who join Starfleet are…well, stubborn and difficult, to say the least. It's practically a job requirement."

Spock's eyebrow twitched at her but he kept his mouth shut.

Rangere laughed. "Truly? And here I thought you would defend him more nicely."

"I've never met the admiral personally, so I can't really defend him."

"And what of you? Are you stubborn and difficult?"

"Oh, horribly so. I make life a nightmare for my crew quite often, though I do try and make it up to them by being the fun captain. Ask him," she pointed at Spock. "About being stubborn that is, he's not much for the fun part."

Spock's face remained impassive but he nodded. "Captain Kirk is renowned for his obstinance, even within Starfleet."

If Rangere heard the "his" he didn't acknowledge it. "I see. Shall I worry about disagreeing with you as well?"

Jim smiled, shifting in the chair subtly to cross her legs, not missing the quick glance Rangere gave to them. "Perhaps, though we'll have to see if we disagree on anything first."

Rangere smiled, then his eyes strayed across her body again and Jim felt a slight shiver. _Huh…is that how I look when I look at a girl?_

"I suppose we should focus on reestablishing our good ties then…perhaps afterwards you will allow me to show you around?"

Jim smiled. "I think I'd enjoy that."

* * *

Truthfully, Spock was disgusted with his behavior of late. In fact, his behavior since the Narada incident and the destruction of Vulcan was dismaying. Part of the reason he had agreed with Nyota to break up was ironically that they didn't feel the same way about each other as before, and that actually disappointed him deep down in that human part of him he had once tried to ignore. But since he had lost so much, he decided not to force it away entirely. Mostly because in part of him he thought it was the only connection to his mother he had left.

Lately however it was making itself known in worse ways.

Ways usually involving his captain.

And no amount of meditation seemed to help.

In the months they had worked together since the Narada incident they had become more docile in each others presence. They didn't attempt to kill each other anymore at least, especially after several incidents when they had to work together much like before and…other incidents that Spock was remiss to relive though they weren't unpleasant. He sometimes found himself sharing humor with the man-and the woman-but Spock was rather intrigued to find the captain had learned to recognized his brand of humor that most found too dry to understand.

He had not been…overly concerned when after arriving to find he was now a female the captain had suddenly lost consciousness when he realized it himself.

The idea of others trying to take advantage of his captain as he was now a she in a sexual manner had not created an emotion that tentatively tapped at the one he remembered strongly when he was younger and someone made a comment on his mother. It had prompted, while not a violent reaction, one he was still not entirely sure he took as far as he did…

He found himself watching over his captain when possible, to ensure that the change did not interfere with his duties he assured himself. And to ensure that the captain did not, as the Dr. McCoy put it, "get himself knocked up" when he began flirt with many of the crew. Luckily the crew remembered his warning quite well of what would happen if they did.

He did not feel the tiniest bit of annoyance that the captain did not ask him at all. That would be illogical as he didn't wish to be solicited for such things.

And when one of his science officers said he had seen the captain running through the halls to sickbay with his standard issue blanket around him like some sort of pariah he had to squash down the slight bubble of worry that rose up. Yet he still found himself seeking out McCoy when he was reported by the gossip to have left the sickbay with the captain still inside to get nourishment in the mess. And when McCoy had refused to tell him, he did not feel like threatening the man for news that the Captain was alright. If something was wrong, McCoy could at least be trusted to tell him so as the second in command. Yet again he found himself traversing the halls to wait outside the captain's quarters for her return.

He did not feel embarrassed when she revealed she was menstruating and he had not realized it sooner. Nor a little chastised when she had snapped at him, nor relieved when she had apologized and said he was not to blame.

He did not feel worried when she would double over every now and then on the bridge the next day in pain. Nor a darker feeling when he'd walked in to deliver the inventory orders to Dr. McCoy to see the captain holding on to the disgruntled doctor with her body pressed close to him. And when a sudden light feeling came into his chest when he realized his captain's intent at trying to steal some of his body heat for relief, he had not panicked in both denial of that feeling and denial of all feelings that were unVulcan and, as humans would say, "shot her down cold." Nor did he feel regret that she looked hurt and disappointed at his rejection of contact.

He…was not sure what possessed him to look up more natural remedies to help his captain's cramping. It was logical, he told himself, to wish to ensure his captain could effectively do his, or rather her, job without the distraction of pain. He would admit to feeling a sense of longing when he read about raspberry leaf tea and remembered his mother would drink it on occasion, wondering if she ever felt the same pain his captain did. But he had managed to find some raspberry plants in the biosphere and dry them artificially enough to make the tea, telling himself he was doing this for his duty to his captain and not any sort of familiarity they now shared after a year of working together.

He would not admit to feeling chagrin when a towel was thrown in his face. Nor amusement when the captain looked up at him (being even shorter now…he would not admit that was endearing) with such a clear look of apology.

And he was not "happy" when she sipped the tea and said it was good. Nor pleased when she continued to replicate the tea (which he had had Scotty program in after it seemed to help) and it worked.

He didn't admire his captain when she stood up to Pike on the value of women in Starfleet, though he will admit surprise that his captain would abdicate so strongly.

He was not worried when his captain's voice was heard screaming when one ensign had sought to get his signature on something later that day, the sound having echoed down the hallway and gotten everyone's attention when the comm button was pressed. He was not annoyed when Uhura would tell him nothing despite hearing his captains complains and laments in the background.

And he was not, nor will he ever be, pleasantly shocked and awed when the next day when he walked in from the bridge to see his captain dressed so…he was not pleasantly anything.

He was not annoyed when the captain and ensign Mercado shared a moment of emotional connection and the captain had smiled as if charmed. He was not secretly plotting that Mercado would in the future would be placed on consecutive night and morning shifts.

He had not been pleased when the Captain had smiled, once again understood his dry sense of humor and laughed.

He had not felt alarm when he saw his captain pivot on those odd, illogical shoes and start to tip back. He had acted before he thought really, grabbing hold of her around her waist. She felt like nothing at all in his arms, just a warm, soft slight wait. He had not felt a strange fluttering in his chest when she looked up at him in grateful surprise.

That would be highly illogical.

It was most vexing when, though not denying his human traits now, he didn't want to broadcast them to the world either. But it was hard to deny, something about the Captain in either of his forms, even before his sudden transformation to a female, brought out the most…human feelings in him. Ranging from anger to concern to a strange amiability he continued to skirt around and not examine too closely.

As the captain and Councilman Rangere spoke to each other, it was hard to miss the looks the Councilman was giving her. More specifically her breasts, legs and, oddly, neck. He also looked at her mouth almost 49% of the time during negotiations. Spock wondered if this was Urellian custom even though most species preferred to look in a person's eyes as they spoke. Yet the look in the man's own eyes as he continued roaming Jim-the captain's form was somewhat concerning.

Not that Spock was concerned.

Or annoyed.

Or any such emotion.

And he certainly did not feel anything that made his abdomen tighten uncomfortably when the captain would smile back.

He was annoyed however when Rangere would often try to steer the conversation away from negotiations and back to his captain in some way. Captain Kirk would indulge him a moment and then, to his credit, attempt to get back to business. And if that failed, Spock would do it and not care in the slightest when Rangere gave him a look of obvious annoyance.

* * *

Finally a break was called and Rangere smiled. "Would you care to join me for lunch, Captain Kirk? Urellian food is digestable for humans, and even so we have some things brought in for visitors."

Jim smiled and nodded while standing, using the chair to keep herself from tipping over in the heels. "Thank you, councilman, that would be nice." Rangere smiled, raking his eyes over her with an obvious grin of fantasizing. Jim's smile became a little more terse. _Is that how I smile at girls? It's kind of creepy…then again, the councilman doesn't have my good looks to help._ "However, Spock is a vegetarian, so no meat for him please."

Rangere frowned, obviously not having intended to invite the Vulcan along, and Spock's lips twitched just barely. And then they twitched down just barely, trying to suppress the twitches.


	8. Innuendos and Accusations

Okay, longer chapter this time :3 Thank you to all who have reviewed, I'm honored and so happy! I wish I could reply, but honestly I have difficulty thinking of proper ways to thank people when they do.

* * *

Rangere walked beside Jim as they headed out of the council hall, and Spock followed close behind. As they walked Rangere gestured around and explained a lot of what they saw. Jim listened politely, though didn't miss when Rangere's hand fell on the small of her back as if to lead her around. Jim didn't comment, and in fact rather enjoyed the contact. _God, it's been a while…I wonder if there's anyway I could get away with…_

"You spoke of lunch, Councilman?" Spock inquired politely, his first words in a while.

"Ah, right. Would you prefer I have something brought up here or shall we go into town?"

Jim looked excited then down at her feet. "Er…as much as I would really, really like to go into town, it's difficult to take all those steps in these shoes."

Rangere smiled. "We have a version of what on earth I believe you call "cars". There's a stairless road from the parking lot around back that leads right to the town."

Jim grinned. "Well, why didn't you say so sooner?"

Rangere laughed and led them out to the parking lot. Another man, a little smaller than the councilman, rose up and went to one of their cars (which were much like the earth version, but apparently instead of tires rolled on specially made ball bearings under the chasse ) to open the doors for them. "After you, Captain."

Jim smiled and managed to climb in, though she also managed to flash a bit of leg that caught Rangere's attention and swore she heard an approving purr.

Rangre moved in after here and sat close, while Spock sat across from them looking as stoic as ever. The ride was very smooth going down the hill the council hall was situated on, and Jim was thankful to rest her feet.

"Would you care to try Urellian cuisine?" Rangere asked.

"I'd be delighted. I love trying new things."

"Captain," Spock said. "With all do respect, you have an odd tendency to be allergic to different things. It might be best not to risk finding out first hand."

Rangere chuckled as if sharing a joke with himself. "I assure you, Mr. Spock, theirs is nothing to fear from our food. If anything, most out worlders who try it state that some is merely too spicy for them. I have heard others liken it to a type of food called "Indian food" on earth and say they enjoy it."

"I like Indian food," Jim said. "I like most kinds of food really."

"Then I insist on…broadening your tastes further." The way Rangere said that Jim new there was a deeper meaning there not so carefully hidden. She smirked back.

"I look forward to it. However, after lunch we should get to work finishing our discussion. Otherwise I fear I won't have any free time."

Rangre smiled, showing a pair of white canines that looked dangerous and gave Jim a pleasant sort of shiver when she wondered how they'd feel against her skin. "Then we shall have to finish soon that you can enjoy at least a little free time here."

"Yes we shall…"

Spock's eyebrow ticked.

In town Rangere directed the driver to a nice restaurant. He stepped out first, allowed Spock to get out on his own, but offered a hand to Jim as she stepped out. Jim smiled at him and he smiled back as his hand then went to the small of her back again and walked her inside. She had to admit, while it was comforting, being steered by that hand was a little annoying as well. She said nothing though as the waiter hurriedly gave them the nicest table possible, a plush wrap around bench around a table that was really much to large for the three of them. Rangre let Jim slide in first, then himself. But Spock surprised them both slightly by moving in on the otherside to sit by Jim, though still a respectable distance between them.

"What would you recommend, Councliman?" Jim asked.

"Do you enjoy spiciness?"

"Depends, will it just make my eyes water or make me breath fire?"

He laughed and patted her knee. "I would recommend this, it has a bit of spice but not that degree," he pointed to something on the menu, and then his hand took its place on her knee again. She didn't object, though she had to admit that was a rather bold move in public should anyone notice where it was.

"Is there something without meat? For Spock, I mean."

He pointed to something else, not sounding quite as warm. "This is made from special roots and vegetables. Some can be bitter though."

"That is fine," Spock said back almost icily if Jim didn't know better.

The waiter came and their orders were placed. Jim and Rangere continued talking, Jim telling him a little of what it was like to captain a starship, trying not to allude to her real gender in case that would put a large hole in this meeting. When their food came, Jim tried a little and found to enjoy the sweet and spicy nature of her dish.

Rangre smiled in a pleased fashion and patted her knee again. "I hope you enjoy other local flavors as well."

Jim smiled back.

Spock ate his meal quietly, making no indication if he found it good or bad. Jim frowned, wondering if something was wrong.

When it was over, they drove back to the council hall and continued their discussion for a while until finally they came to an agreement that they wrote down and sent off to Starfleet and the council notaries.

"I must say, Captain Kirk, this was possibly one of the more enjoyable dignitary meetings I have been apart of."

"I agree wholeheartedly, Councilman Rangere."

"Please, call me Tashiv."

"Then you have to call me Jim, Tashiv."

He smiled again and lifted her hand to give it a sudden swipe with his tongue across her palm. Beside her Spock tensed rigid enough to have an electric current go through him. Jim was likewise effected, but more because the rough texture of that tongue was erotic and the surprise at it tore him between snatching her hand back defensively and asking he do it again. "That is a sign of great admiration. I find you both beautiful and engaging, Jim. If you should ever wish for a more…private tour of Uriel, please do not hesitate to return and inquire of me."

"W-will do…really, will do…" she added quietly and he smiled in a leering sort of way.

"Am I interrupting something?" came a gruff voice from the entrance. They all turned and Jim wanted to beat her head against the table when she saw the uniform of an adimiral on the middle aged man in the doorway.

"Admiral Archer," Spock greeted as if to confirm her suspicions.

Rangre frowned and straightened. "Hello again…" he growled slightly.

"I understand you and…Captain Kirk, have reached an agreement?"

"Yes."

"…" he sighed before bowing slightly. "I'm glad an agreement could be met and am sorry for…our misunderstanding."

Jim winced, the apology sounding forced even to her, but Rangere seemed to understand the politics of what was going on and nod. "It's fine, Admirial."

"If you don't mind, I would like to speak to Captain Kirk about the negotiations before they're sent off."

"I suppose that's understandable." He looked to Jim and bowed his head. "I hope to see you again soon, Jim. And perhaps under…more familiar circumstances."

"I'd enjoy that, Tashiv."

"I can ensure, you will," he said with a smirk before straightening and heading out the door, allowing them to use his office.

"Commander Spock, I wish to speak with your captain alone."

"Sir, I know as much-"

"I know you do, but I want to keep this conversation private."

Spock frowned minutely but when Jim nodded he straightened and left the room as well.

Archer and Jim stood facing each other for more than a minute and Jim knew this wasn't going to be about the negotiations. "I have to say, I'm more than surprised…I hadn't realized sex changes were covered by your HMO, captain."

"Only when they involve a transporter malfunction, Admiral. I've managed to adapt to the situation."

"Oh, I can see that. I will admit, you make a very pleasing woman."

"Thank you, sir."

"However, it's nice to see your reputation doesn't fail you."

Jims jaw tightened. _Here we go, another lecture on morals_.

"I'm surprised Starfleet would go this far this soon honestly."

Jim blinked. "Sir?"

Archer sneered at her and she felt the sure signs of a more personal conflict coming. "Using more…carnal means to ensure an agreement."

She felt some heat come to her cheeks and glared minutely. "With all do respect sir, I did nothing "carnal" with Councilman Rangere." _Not that I wouldn't say no…_

Archer chuckled. "Oh, your reputation proceeds you, Captain Kirk. If it had come to that, I'm sure you wouldn't have protested too hard."

"I came to do my job as a Captain of Starfleet."

"Ah yes, the youngest captain ever. Really though, do you think you deserve that title?" he looked out the window but kept watch on him from the corner of his eye. "You barely made it as a cadet, having to cheat your way through the Kobayashi Maru. And other tests I'm sure-"

"I did not cheat in any courses, sir, and I beat the Kobayashi Maru to prove a point that no situation should be thought of us a "no win"."

"Perhaps, but being promoted all the way to Captain. That was just for publicity you know. 'Oh, we promoted the kid who saved the earth all the way to captain, since he did such a good job.' Yes, a very good job. Charge in first, risking the lives of your entire crew and the lives of others on nothing but your instincts. And we could see how far they got you before Starfleet. Even during."

"Sir, that doesn't exactly sound like an unbiased view," she said lowly, fighting her first urge to punch him. Punching an admiral really would be a bad thing, no matter how good it would feel.

"Perhaps, but can you say it's wrong? And here again you use your well known "charm" to help get us out of a mess."

"A mess I had to clean up, _sir_."

Archer narrowed his eyes. "Compared to the messes you habitually make, cleaning one up must seem difficult. Then again, all you had to do was dress up that new little body of yours and tease the councilman into accepting. Do you honestly think you could've done it if you were still a man?"

Jim's hands tightened at her side. "I believe I would've found a way."

"Ah, but this way is so much easier. Just sit back and spread your legs, right?"

"I never-"

"But you went ahead and let him think that. And really, who are we fooling Kirk? You're practically a nympho. Something like this comes easy to you, doesn't it? You probably even enjoy it like a good little whore…" his hand reached up as if to trace her cheek and she stepped back, glaring at him out right and batting his hand away.

"If you don't have anything to add to the report, _sir_," she said venomously, "then I request to be dismissed that I can get back to my ship."

Archer regarded her coolly before nodding. "Dismissed, Captain." Jim walked stiffly to the door. "Oh, and give my regards to Scotty would you?"

Jim slammed the door behind her. When Jim had been a man, he will admit to having gotten into fights over girls (even some guys) and being called a "playboy" and certain other things. But never had he been called a whore (manwhore yes, but it didn't have quite the same sting somehow) or slut or any of those other things usually meant for girls. Now that he was a girl, being called that burned a little. And so did the insinuation that he would sleep with someone to get what he wanted. While he didn't exactly take sex seriously in most people's eyes, he didn't see it as a tool. He saw it as fun, as a connection, a way to relieve stress and suppressed feelings and…to not be alone. But it was not a tool.

And to insinuate that he/she herself was a tool like that…stung a little. _God, is this what it feels like to be some of those girls I was out with…?_ A tiny bit of shame crossed his mind and her anger deflated slightly.

As she made her way down the hall. Spock looked up from examining another wall hanging. "Captain?"

"Discussions over, lets get out of here before I hurt something."

Spock blinked but followed without a word. As they headed for the exit, Surrel jogged over. "Captain Kirk!" she presented her with a slip of paper. "Councilman Rangere was called away on business, but he asked me to give this too you."

Jim took the paper and opened it, smiling at the attempt at English scrawled inside. He could speak better than write evidently.

_Thank you for your company charming. Sorry I could not send you off my self. I hope in future we see each other again, maybe have nice dinner together. Would like to see you in red dress, like that song from earth. Red, like your fiery person._

She had to admit, Rangere was definitely a ladies man, but not the same way he had been. While no doubt the type not to settle down, he was an undeniable charmer when it came to trying to woo a woman and he at least made her feel special. _I'll have to remember that for later…_ Below the message was Rangere's home address and another hope to see you soon message. She smiled and tucked it into her pocket. "Thank you, Ms. Surrel."

Surrel nodded and turned to get back to work. Spock and Jim turned and started down the hill. Jim inwardly cursed the transporter zone was at the bottom. But she smiled seeing all the ensigns accounted for at the bottom already, all looking healthy and well.

"…Councilman Rangere seemed…taken with you," Spock said slowly.

"I guess so."

"…Part of your plan?"

"At first, yeah. He ended up being nicer than I thought."

"Indeed…Captain, I find myself wondering how far you would've taken that infatuation…"

Jim paused in shock, letting Spock step ahead of her. She felt suddenly cold. "What?"

"How far would you have taken such an infatuation. Given your predisposition to sex, it would not be much of a surprise if you considered taking Rangre on his many veiled offers of sexual intercourse, but-"

Jim felt the anger from earlier suddenly rushing back and doubling. "Does everyone think I'm a goddamn nymphomaniac?!"

Spock turned, staring with raised brows. "Captain?"

"Fine, I like sex! Hell, I fucking love it! But goddamit, not everything has to be about sex with me!" She felt a little bit of moisture come to her eyes and that just made her anger worse. "I've done a damn fine job of being captain the last year, and in the last year I've kept my "predisposition" to shore leave and the occasional ambassador's aid, thank you! And guess what else? In the last month, no sexy for the captain! At all! And yes, that's hard for me, because I miss it, dammit!"

"Captain, this is not the sort of thing to be yelling-"

"I will yell if I want to!" she yelled back, using her position on the steps above to loom over him. "Why does everyone assume I have to cheat or use my body to solve a problem!? Even before I was a woman, I got this shit! I dealt with it fine, but you know what? Getting accused of being Starfleet's whore from my own first officer is too fucking much!" She stormed past Spock, not even glancing at his look of shock that even a human could recognize. The ensigns, while not having heard the yelling from down the hill, could see the argument and the fury in their captain and so wisely stepped back.

Spock had walked briskly down the steps after her a moment later. "Captain, I did not-"

"Save it," she snapped, opening her communicator. "Scotty, beam us up."

"Aye, Captain."

The moment they were back, Jim stepped down the platform and frightened several ensigns who were working there as she stormed out and to her quarters.

"What happened to her?" Scotty asked.

"I…am not certain," Spock answered.

**(a/n**) Alright, I just want to say now, I'm not trying to make Jim seem like a sudden overly emotional girl. I think Jim's always gone by his emotions. And while he has thick skin, he's still rather vulnerable I think because he's in a new body, trying to make things work despite it being rather hard, and he takes pride in his accomplishments. So I figured insinuating he's using sex, no matter how much he likes sex, to get where he is and that he didn't deserve it and was just a whore would piss him off. That and he can't even punch Archer for it or risk possible demotion, and that would just give him satisfaction. And then Spock starting out the same way would just make him remember he's angry at Archer and redirect it.

Also, I wanted Rangere to seem more charming than sleezy, but Archer to seem more sleezy cause lets face it, a guy that tries to ruin our precious Scotty's life over a beagle has issues.


	9. Apologize

Okay, I've gotten a couple of reviews mentioning people not remembering Archer being such a bad guy and I'm going to clear that up now by saying: I had forgotten he was actually in the old series. ^^; I watched the series many, many years ago and haven't been able to pick it up again despite my wanting to, so I completely forgot Archer was in there and wasn't the bad guy I made him out to be. I feel rather foolish now because I don't like making characters uncharacteristic, I do try really hard not to, though maybe he just got steadily angrier without his dog or doesn't like Kirk for getting Scotty of Delta Vega early, I don't know. I tried to clear it up a little and spin it around to make it more believable.

Anyway, I feel like a n00b for not remembering but the movie was the thing that really got me into Star Trek and learning about it, so I'll just give a big my bad for that.

Okay, apologetic defenses over, on with the show!

* * *

Spock frowned slightly as he stood outside Kirk's room once again. The first time he had been…mildly concerned for his captain's well being given that she had been in pain. Now he was mildly concerned mixed with mildly annoyed, with a heavy dose of confused as to what had just happened. He rang the call button. "Captain? I wish to speak with you."

"Piss off!" came an angry voice over the comm.

One eyebrow twitched and he sighed quietly to himself. Dealing with James T. Kirk had been difficult when he was a man, now it was an even more daunting task because as little as Spock could relate before, he could relate less now that his captain was a female. "Captain, please, I wish to discuss why you are upset with me so suddenly. You left the transporter room before I could ask for your presence."

"You want to know why I'm upset? Go look in a fucking mirror!"

Spock took another deep breath, doing a fast meditative exercise in his head to ensure all his control was there. "Captain-"

"I said piss-GAH, MOTHER OF GOD!"

Spock tensed and punched in his override code quickly. "Captain, what has happened?" He paused, seeing Kirk on the edge of her bed, looking in pain. One of her boots were in her hands and looking down, he inwardly winced at the blisters and cuts across her feet. Some looked as if they had just popped, others were still fresh.

"How did you get in my door?" she growled.

Spock chose to ignore her like he often did when she asked unnecessary questions and walked over, kneeling to look at her foot. "Those shoes were ill fitting?"

"Uhura mentioned I should've worn them in first…" she muttered, looking at her raw feet disdainfully.

"You should go see Dr. McCoy."

"Nah uh, I had to bribe and threaten most of the crew to keep Bones from knowing about the heels or he would mercilessly tease me about it when I'm a man again. Besides, I don't want to walk like this."

Spock gave her a dry look, but she glared back and he knew she would be stubborn both to spite him and remain where she is. Reaching into his pack belt pocket, he brought out a mini dermal generator. "It's not much, but it should at least help. Remain seated." He began to run the generator over the popped blisters, watching as they healed slowly. He set it to the side when they were just new patches of skin and stood to go to the bathroom, coming back with a small hand towel. Kneeling again, he reached back in to the pack and pulling out a small sewing kit.

"…you have a sewing kit?" Jim asked incredulously.

"I find it useful and a logical edition to my supplies in case of an emergency."

"Of course you do…" Spock drew a needle from the kit and Jim tensed, moving back across the bed. "Uh, what are you doing?"

"In order to heal the others to a manageable state I must pop them and drain the puss from them."

"…Nothing in that sentence did not make me want to go "ew"."

Spock gave him the Vulcan eye roll, which was really just staring at him a moment before he gently propped her foot up. Jim looked at him warily before sighing and trying to relax. Spock went about his "draining", Jim wincing every now and then but otherwise not complaining.

"…You seem like one loyal first officer, popping your Captian's blisters and draining them…" she said quietly.

"…Captain, I meant no offense before."

"Sure you didn't. But I don't want to-"

"I did not. I was merely commenting that it may not be a good idea to engage in sexual relations with Councilman Rangere."

"And you just assumed I would?"

"Your desire for sex is not unknown." Jim glared as if about to yell. "But I was only trying to warn against it because should Rangere find out you are really a man, his reaction is unpredictable. You may endure more slander and accusations, create an international incident, offend many, and have to deal with an irate councilman. Also, we are still unclear if it could have an adverse effect on your body, such as it is."

Jim blinked and slowly deflated, though she was still glaring. "You…were trying to keep me from getting hurt?"

"In a sense, yes, as it could have both emotional and physical effects on you that could be harmful."

"…You did a really shitty job of bringing that up."

"I realize that now, Captain." Spock ran the minigenerator over the newly drained blisters till the skin tightened once again. "Would you allow me to do the other foot? It is more than likely similarly effected." He knew she could do it herself more than likely, but hoped she would see this as his way of making up for the misunderstanding.

Jim paused before swinging her legs back over, raising it up to undo her boot and slide it off. Spock tried not to look when the position of her skirt was riding higher than it truly should. She set the foot down where its partner used to be and Spock set to work again.

"Insinuating any sexual promiscuity was not my intention, Captain. I…realize that human and Vulcan views on sex are vastly different. Though I may disapprove of such practices on a logical level, it is not my place to attempt to direct your life according to beliefs that are not your own."

"…damn straight." Jim raised her other leg and rested her hands and her chin on it, regarding Spock a little more curiously. "Vulcan's have views on sex?"

Spock ears turned slightly green. "…we do not see the logic in having many sexual partners. Sex itself is a time when…certain things are released-"

"No shit." Spock glared at her and she held up her hands. "Sorry. Please, continue."

"…certain things are released, things we prefer to keep under control. As such, sex is much more a discreet and more thought out act as the truest form can only be carried out with someone we would truly love, respect, and wish to bond with."

Jim blinked and her eyes widened. "Wait, so…do Vulcans like…mate for life?"

"In a way. It's not necessary, but our greatest release is when we find someone we may bond with and share of ourselves completely with. And afterwards we are bonded through our minds. To deceive that bond would cause great pain. And severing it can be worse."

"Wow…" Jim looked thoughtful. "So…I take it you and Uhura never…"

Spock blushed again before glaring at her. "I would rather not talk about that."

"Of course, personal life, sorry." The answer was obvious really. "And…you weren't trying to insinuate I slept and cheated my way to being captain here? Or that I'm a slut or a whore that tries to solve my problems with sex?"

Spock's eyes narrowed slightly. He had never liked that word. Never. "No, Captain. Though you are…trying at times, I do hold a high respect for you. I have seen the hard work you have done in the last year to make the _Enterprise_ what it is, and I know you do not take your position or responsibilities lightly, no matter what you try to say or do to convince others otherwise."

Jim's cheeks turned a little redder and she looked down. Her toes wiggled as if to show her embarrassment. "Uh, thanks…I…uh…" she sighed and pulled at her hair. It was a familiar gesture and for a moment Spock saw his normal Captain sitting there. "Geez, I just keep doing stupid shit where I need to apologize to you, don't I?"

"It is fine, Captain. As I said, the misunderstanding was in my choice of how to begin-"

"No, it's not," she said firmly and looked at Spock. Her blue eyes looked angry, but not at him. "I let what Archer said get to me and then blew up at you cause I thought you thought the same thing."

"Archer?"

"Yeah, Admiral Archer…insinuated stuff…"

Spock's eyes grew a little colder and he put away the generator and kit back into his belt. "Did he?"

"Yeah, and it just pissed me off!" she threw her hands up into the air and flopped back on the bed. "I mean shit, I know I'm not exactly the greatest role model ever, but I'm doing damn good! And then he tries to say that it's all cause of good luck and my sex appeal and that-that-aah! I'd like to see his wrinkly ass going through what we went through with Nero! See how he likes it."

"I doubt the admiral's posterior is wrinkly. He endeavors to take very good care of his body, through natural or unnatural means."

"Yeah, well, I ain't gonna ask to loo…wait…" She sat up on her elbows and looked at Spock. "Are you…do you mean that Admiral Archer gets work done? _Everywhere_?"

"I recall Admiral Pike remarking once that Archer strived to take good care of his body by anymeans necessary. Being that he has lived over a hundred years I believe."

"…So he got a butt lift?" She snorted then fell back laughing.

"I am uncertain of that. I am merely stating what I have heard."

"Oh, but it makes me feel so much better to think that jerk was making comments on my body when his is made to look that way. At least I'm all natural." Spock blushed slightly when she lifted a leg and waved her foot around as if to admire it.

"Then think what you will. If I may say in his defense though, he is a good Starfleet officer usually with many years of service. I believe his vendetta with you is that you rescued Mr. Scott from Delta Vega, where he was attempting to punish him for—"

"Yeah yeah, the dog, I remember. I'm sure he's all kittens and rainbows when it's not me or Scotty then, but that doesn't mean I'll forgive him. He was a bit perverted back there."

One eyebrow ticked as he thought that over. "Indeed, I believe you are most justified, Captain."

She looked up at him again. "Really? No lectures on respecting my elders or the Starfleet hierarchy?"

"Admiral Archer behaved in a manner unbefitting to an admiral. His reasons are unimportant."

Jim smiled and sat up, clapping a hand on Spock's shoulder and surprising him. "Thanks, Spock, I feel better. And…I'm glad you don't think I'm…you know…I have been good about this whole "no sex" rule." She mock glared at him as if he were the one denying her sex but kept her hand on his shoulder.

Spock regarded her before clapping a hand on her shoulder in return, making sure it was her out shoulder so that she needn't worry about reliving certain things. "Indeed, Captain, you have shown an impressive amount of restraint. Even more so that you should have been walking around with that many blisters."

Jim grinned. "I didn't want Rangere to think I was uncomfortable. Plus, I've had worse injuries. Just looking at them surprised me."

"…And yet, only a few days ago you were so adament that you were dying…"

Jim looked affronted but there was a smile underneath and he knew she caught his tease. "That was different! You try having your lower intestines replaced by snakes doing the watusey and we'll see how little you complain."

"I believe that is quite impossible, Captain."

"That snakes can do the watusey or that intestines can be replaced by them?"

Spock gave him a flat look and she laughed again. "Okay, okay, I get it. But seriously, somethings are harder to deal with. You're tea made it better." Spock blushed slightly and didn't meet her gaze. "And…thanks for taking care of them. The cramps and the blisters. I mean, we're good, right?"

Spock nodded, feeling somewhat relieved deep down inside.

"Good. You know, if there's anything I can do for you, just say so. I feel kind of bad you do all this for me and haven't really gotten anything for it."

"I do not need repayment, Captain."

"But I insist." She was suddenly very close and Spock had to keep himself from jerking back when his breath stilled. The blue of her eyes was almost blinding this close. "If you need or want anything, just tell me. I'll do my best to help get it."

"…Thank you, Captain. I will keep that in mind."

Jim smiled then paused, staring over his face. The light blush returned and she leaned in a centimeter more before suddenly pulling back. "Uh, right. So, good. Yeah. I'll help if you need it."

"…I believe that applies to many of us here on the _Enterprise_."

Jim blinked before smiling warmly and Spock's eyes widened minutely at how much that smile was still like the one in his male form. "Yeah, I'd like to think so too." She suddenly fished into her pocket and brought out the note from Rangere. "So, you think me going with Rangere is a bad idea."

"Indeed, Captain. From a political, personal and health standpoint."

"Mmmmm…think he'd be interested in being my wingman sometime when I'm a guy again?"

Spock gave him a straight stare.

"Okay, okay. Just sucks cause he is a nice guy. Still a player, but at least he didn't put his head in my cleavage or pinch my ass." Spock blushed, his eyebrows rising. "Hopefully he won't hold not calling against me."

"As the negotiations have already been sent through, I see no problem with that."

Jim rolled her eyes. "Of course you wouldn't. Remind me to at least send him a letter or transmission of apology." She hopped up and went to her desk, taking out an old file and putting the note away.

"You wish to keep it?" There was no trace of annoyance in his mind.

"I keep a lot of things like that." Holds up the file. "Addresses, contacts, numbers, stuff to use for blackmail, etc. Never know when you may need some help in another part of the galaxy."

"…I will admit, that is logical Captain." She suddenly pouted at him. "Is something wrong?"

"Why is it you never call me Jim?"

Spock blinked then looked away. "It is unprofessional, captain."

"But we aren't on the bridge right now." She walked over and leaned toward him again and Spock kept his gaze resolutely on her face since if he didn't he'd be staring right down her shirt. "It's just you and me. And…well, I think of you as a friend. And I prefer my friends to call me by my first name when we're not working. Except Bones, cause he'll call me it even when we are working."

Spock did look into her eyes when she said that. _A friend?_

"Hey, don't look so surprised! Yes, I can tell, this close it's hard to hide it. Is it so weird I consider you a friend?"

"…In all frankness, yes captain, given our history."

She waved her hand and straightened. "Meh, that is history. If I got angry at my friends every time they tried to kill me, Bones and I wouldn't be BFFs."

"BFFs?"

"Best friends forever. I just call it that to annoy him cause human teenage girls usually say stuff like that," she winked. "But seriously, call me Jim, okay?"

"…I shall think on it."

She rolled her eyes and sighed but smiled. "Okay, fine, think on it, meditate on it, do whatever you like, but I will get you to call me Jim one day."

"Life goals are certainly a healthy and logical thing to have, Captain."

"Hey, you made a funny! And outright one I mean."

Spock rose, ignoring her comment. "I have some things I should take care of. I will speak to you later, Captain."

"Okay…You know, we haven't played chess in a while. We started getting it down to a routine before I changed."

"Indeed…perhaps a game later. For now, I should check on if we have a way to change you back."

"Okay…And…thanks Spock." She smiled, looking touched and embarrassed. "Knowing you…respect me is…it makes me feel good."

"...My high regard of you is not unwarranted, Captain." Spock headed for the door and was out before she could say something more.

* * *

Archer glared into his brandy in his quarters. Really, he truly did not like the young captain. He had planned on trying to knock him down a peg somehow, but upon seeing him as a her his original plan had been shot. Latching on to the next best thing, he wondered if he had taken it too far. Then again, he was still pissed at himself for screwing up with the Urellians, at Scotty, and at Kirk so what use were regrets when they didn't even stop anger. And she had better get used to it anyway if she had to stay as a woman.

His terminal beeped and he brought up the message board, surprised to see who it was. "Commander Spock? How can I help you?" Spock he liked. The man had a sense of duty and propriety.

"Admiral. I understand that you had a conversation with my Captain earlier today."

"Mmm, yes, we had somethings to discuss."

"Yes. In future, however, I would request you leave all petty misconceptions and derogatory remarks out of "official" business where they have no place.

Archer stared in shock. "What…?"

"Further more, while you may feel wronged by past actions, any other attempts to badger any member of the _Enterprise_ will be seen as a confrontation and will be reported it to Starfleet. I believe your wife will be informed as well. Thank you for your time, admiral." The feed cut and Archer was left staring at the blank screen dumbfounded.


	10. Checkmate

Okay, this one took a little while to get the way I like it. I'm not entirely satisfied, but it moves us forward baby! Enjoy.

* * *

Spock had to admit, he was…anticipating playing chess with the captain later. They had begun playing several months ago. Captain Kirk had suggested it as a way to learn more about each other and develop a better relationship as captain and first officer and as people in general.

Spock had agreed if only to try and work through what remained of that uncomfortable awkwardness the captain still had around him. When they played however he was pleasantly surprised to find that the captain wasn't wholly inept at playing. Though he lost the first game (in a matter of minutes) he immediately asked for a rematch. When they played again, though there was still notes of his typical "leap first" attitude, Spock could almost discern a method to his madness. This intrigued him and they began to play a couple times a week, the captain's so called strategies varying every time. When Spock first lost he had been shocked, and though Jim did a little victory dance, he offered Spock a handshake. He declined of course, but nodded his head that it was a good game. A very good game. The games picked up frequency until they halted at the captain's sudden transformation. Since then Spock had been busy looking for a reversal and the captain…well, she was busy learning to be a woman along side her captain's duties.

When he was on his way to her quarters that evening though, he was surprised when a message came to his padd.

_Spock,_

_Meet me at the upper observation deck._

_Jim._

Spock blinked but redirected his route and into the turbo lift. Going up to the observation deck, he was surprised to see Jim there already sitting on the bench, the chess board in front of her with plenty of room for him to sit on the otherside. She had a blanket around her again and was smiling at him.

"Hi there. I thought this would be a nice change of pace when I noticed no one was using the deck this evening."

Spock felt a small bit of peace at the idea and walked in, sitting down across from her. "Indeed…are you cold, Captain?"

"A little, but mostly it's just nice to snuggle up in the blanket." She shifted, showing she was wearing only her black under shirt and pants. "And before you ask, I felt over dressed in my golds so I just opted for black. No telling me it would be better to wear it, I like the blanket."

Spock nodded slightly. "Very well captain."

Jim smiled and they settled down to play.

A few minutes into the game, Jim paused and looked up at him. "Uh…Spock?"

"Yes Captain?"

Jim pouted. "Call me Jim. But that's not the point." She took down his knight. "I, uh, was doing some thinking earlier, and…I realized there's something else I need to apologize for…"

Spock blinked, moving his rook to take one of her pawns. "I can think of nothing to which you must apologize for."

"Well, I think I need to apologize for this. I should've apologized a long time ago, but you know, things kept happening and it seemed like everytime I thought it would be a good time, we'd end up in peril or something. Oh, but if you still don't want to talk about it, that's fine, I would totally understand and you would just have to say so. Just say the word and –"

"Captain, please, focus."

"Right sorry. I…" She sighed and squared her shoulders, looking at Spock directly. "I'm sorry for what I sad that day on the bridge to get you to loose control." He stiffened and stared. "I really am, Spock. I know it's not true, I knew it then, but I also thought strong enough that I needed to get in control of the ship and everything so…but I'm sorry. I…" She seemed to be loosing steam under his stare and clutched the blanket closer. "I know you loved your mother…a lot. Even before you tried to choke me for that. And…I can't imagine…what all that must've been like…It hurt me to see it happen, to know how much was lost, how…how hard it was…" She took a deep breath and looked at him, not with pity but with sympathy and the wish to understand and be understood. "It wasn't even my home…I can't imagine what it was like for you, and I'm sorry for making it harder. I'm not sorry for taking control of the ship, going to kick Nero's ass, and thinking you were a jackass at the time cause…you were." His eyebrow twitched but he didn't object. "But…going after your mom was low. I know you loved her. For saying otherwise, I'm sorry."

There was a moment of silence as they stared at each other and Jim started to fidget under the gaze. "Uh…you going to just stare at me?"

Spock seemed to come back to himself from wherever he had been and look out the observation window at the stars. "You…did not need to apologize for such a thing. I understood you did what you felt was necessary, and in the end your method yielded more desirable results than my own. For that, I was already able to forgive you in some way and attempt to put the past behind me when I came aboard the enterprise as your first officer. However…"

Jim looked a little worried. "However?"

"…It is…agreeable that you would attempt to still make amends. For that I accept your apology and thank you for it."

She smiled a little, looking relieved and happy with a bright smile. "Oh thank god! I was scared bringing it up again was going to piss you off or make you sad or…."

"Vulcan's do not get angry or sad."

"Uh huh, they don't like either I'm told. And when I was younger I believed in Santa Clause too."

Spock's eyebrow quirked but Jim could see a hint of amusement there and grinned at him. "Shall we continue our game?"

"Yeah. I'm gonna so beat you by the way."

"We shall see."

Spock eventually won, but Jim immediately challenged him to a rematch. They began playing again, Jim trying several new strategies at once it seemed.

"…I apologize as well."

Jim looked up in surprise. "Huh?"

"You have continually apologized for things you believe to be transgressions against me."

"You apologized too-"

"Yes, but since you have apologized for the past, I believe it is right that I do so as well. I am sorry for having stranded you on Delta Vega, placing you in danger. I had thought you would stay put, but that is not an excuse. I am also sorry for doubting you. And…attempting to…" his fingers tightened a little and Jim's smile became a little tense.

"You don't have to, Spock, really."

"It is not fair of you to wish to apologize and then deny me the chance to do so myself, Captain."

Jim laughed. "Okay, fair enough. Wait, you're not going to apologize for the Kobayashi Maru?"

"No, because that one was your fault since you cheated."

"Point of view." She smiled. "I guess we can just call it even since I accept your apologies, Spock. I guess that means everything's square between us completely now, huh?"

"It would be nice to believe so…"

"Then lets. We're friends now, no reason not to be."

"…Very well, Captain."

"Friends call me Jim," she crooned a little.

"The game, Captain."

"I will get you to call me Jim!"

Spock's lip twitched slightly and there was a glimpse of warmth in his eyes.

"Checkmate," she said triumphantly almost an hour later.

"Impressive strategy, Captain."

"What strategy?"

"I have the distinct feeling that is not a jest…"

Jim laughed and grinned. "Best two out of three?"

"It is getting late, Captain."

"C'mon, just means you'll have to try and beat me faster. Or do you think you can't do that?" She grinned in a catlike way, wiggling her eyebrows at him. Spock's lips twitched again.

"Very well, Captain. As you say on Earth, "It's on.""

Jim laughed louder and set up the board again. "You're a fun guy, Spock."

"I find that a rather contradictory statement considering what you, and others, have told me in the past."

Jim rolled her eyes. "Yeah, but we didn't know you that well at the time. After getting to know you, I've come to realize I rather like you."

Spock's ears turned a little greener as she finished setting up the chess board again. He regarded her a moment before looking down. "I…also find your company…most agreeable."

Jim looked up in surprise before beaming "Aw, you big softy."

"My consistency has nothing to do with-"

"Your move."

Spock frowned but as he looked down to consider his move the ship suddenly rocked, surprising them both. The board fell over, sending pieces scattering everywhere and Jim stood up quickly and pulled out her communicator.

"Captain Kirk to bridge, what the hell was that?!"

"Ah…ah'm sorry, captain, I was making some adjustments and-"

"Scotty, what did we say about unnecessary adjustments last time?" she growled.

"It's not mah fault, Capan! Well, not mostly…Ah was looking to try and lower the rate of-"

"Prepare a written report to send to me, Mr. Scott, and just sum it up for me now, is the crew or the ship in any danger?"

"No, sir, there was just a slight engine jump from crossing a couple of wires accidently, and I'll be keelhauling the ensign that that did it."

"No keelhauling, Scotty. Like I said, I'm not even sure if we have a keel, and I don't want people trying to haul it so no."

"Aye, Capan, I- I told you not to touch that!"

There was another sudden jolt of the ship and Jim gasped as she tripped in her blanket and started to fall forward.

Spock, with his inhuman reflexes though, caught her quickly around the waist and pulled her close. Jim looked up and blushed when she realized she was so close to him. Spock's eyes caught hers and for a moment they seemed stuck in that position. The blanket pooled to the floor around their feet. But she didn't feel cold. If anything, Spock's warmth felt like it was sinking into her skin from where his arms were around her, and from her front where she was pressed close. It made her skin tingle. She gulped, staring up at his face as if to memorize what it looked like. One hand came up and rested on his shoulder…

And that seemed to jar him awake. He let go and took a step back. "A…are you alright, Captain?"

"Um…yeah, fine…" _Except…I feel cold now._ "Nice catch…again…Uh, geeze, Scotty…you know?"

"Indeed, Mr. Scot certainly tries to outdo himself often in terms of things for us to deal with…"

"Could be worse, I'm sure."

"I would prefer not to find out."

"Yeah…uh, better clean up. Guess we'll just have to call it a tie." She knelt down and began to pick up the fallen pieces of the chess set. Spock gathered others that had gone across the room as they deposited them in the box. "Hey, where's the black king?" She bent over further to look and Spock froze, eyes roaming over her backside. Those pants looked incredibly tight…

"I…am not certain." He began looking around as well, trying not to focus on her. Eventually he knelt down next to her.

They both spotted the black king at the same time under the bench. Jim grinned. "There he is!" Spock said nothing as he reached for the piece but inhaled sharply when instead his fingers pressed against the back of Jim's own when they closed around it. He looked up sharply and Jim looked up as well. Her hand was tingling in a different way then before, as if there was a current going through it. Idly she wondered if Vulcans could produce electricity like electric eels or something, but it wasn't painful. It was…very, very pleasant, possibly more than being held close against him.

Spock was staring at her more intently than ever, and she saw his throat work as he swallowed silently. He was blushing as well, full blushing in across his cheeks. Then his eyes turned a little darker and she shivered at that look. Spock's eyes had always been the most emotive part of him, the part he couldn't hide. But whatever he was feeling now was something Jim had never seen him feel. _Wow…that…was Spock always this sexy?_

His fingers slowly stroked up her own and she shivered again as the current seemed to intensify. On a whim she turned her hand over, tickling the palm of his hand with her own fingertips and was rewarded with his eyes darkening even further and a slight noise to his throat that made stomach knot itself pleasantly. _He seems to like this…_She began to trail her hand slowly over his, her fingertips brushing over his palm, his fingers, his own slender and electrically charged fingers caressing her back. The black brown of his eyes continued to hold the blue of hers, as if savoring it. _I don't think anyone has ever looked at me like that…ever…_ Slowly she started to lean in to him.

When their fingertips touched however Spock gasped and suddenly stood, taking several steps back. Jim blinked then looked up at him. "I…I should go. I shall see you tomorrow, Captain." He quickly went to the door and left. Jim could almost say he fled, except Vulcan's didn't flee.

Looking down at her hand, she gulped lightly. They're had been no tangle of limbs, not hot mesh of lips, no naughty touches or even nudity. Yet she felt undeniably turned on, as if someone had been running their hands over her sensitive areas, but never going to the area that would bring her release. She pressed the tips of her fingers to her lips, feeling herself blush and yet very, very cold. _I almost…why?_

* * *

The Vulcan had practically speedwalked back to his quarters, where he locked the door upon entering but did not move away. Instead he leaned back against it and tried to organize his thoughts again from the scrambled mess they were suddenly in.

Spock couldn't deny what had just happened, no matter how much he wished to.

For months he had been getting close to his captain.

Closer than a first officer should really. On the pretense of friendship it could be seen as fine. Yet what he had just done…On Vulcan, that could've very well have been sexual assault. But that warmth…even with Nyota, that warmth had not been so ready, so willing give. Like a flame, or the hot sun he remembered still. And yet it didn't burn but felt like relief, like water pouring down a dry thirsty throat. He had felt it from her-no, even before, when Jim was a him-for a while but had shoved it so far in the back of his mind because he didn't wish to see, to know, to acknowledge. He'd promised he wouldn't give up all emotions in memory of what he had already lost, but this was too much to ask.

He looked down at his fingers and without knowing why brought them to his dry lips. She had been leaning forward before their fingertips touched...would she... She had no idea what that meant, that essentially they had kissed already by Vulcan standards. More than that, it could be called "making out". Had she really been about to add to it with the human equivalent?

_She has no idea what that meant. No idea. Our hands brushed and I took advantage of that contact…It could be I even sent suggestions to her somehow through our contact…subtle, but it's hard to say what could work on the Captain as I have never tried it before…_

His head thunked against the door as he brought his hand down into a fist and took a deep breath. _No. I will not attempt such a thing. It would be dishonest and horrible to do so to the captain…to Jim. I must not influence her feelings. Or his feelings, once he has returned…_ He imagined the captain back as he was and suppressed a groan when even then he felt a faint stirring in his emotions.

Man or woman, he could not deny, he found his captain desirable.


	11. Stop before it Starts

Sorry this took a while. Finals and family came first, and then deciding which route I wanted to take. I decided on the more dramatic, but I think it'll have a bigger payoff ;) Thank you to all who have reviewed, even if I don't respond I read each and every one and love them all.

* * *

Jim smiled as she walked through the ship to the bridge the next morning. Though she still felt a little confused over some of the events of last night, she felt also rather happy for some reason. Almost buoyant.

She walked into the bridge and smiled when she saw Spock was already at his station. Striding over, she smiled and leaned over. "Morning Spock!"

Spock didn't look up. "Good morning, Captain."

Jim frowned slightly. Spock wasn't the kind of guy to not look at you when he spoke, especially if all he was doing was double checking his instruments. She was about to tap his shoulder when Chekov called her so she walked over and began Alpha shift instead.

Now and then she would glance over at Spock but he wouldn't look back at her and she frowned more. He hadn't acted like this since before when they were still on rocky terms. When shift was over she stood to go talk to him but he made a B-Line for the exit and left before she could. Frowning, she went to the mess, thinking he would be there getting lunch, but he was nowhere to be seen.

"Hey, Sulu, did Spock come in for food?"

"No…maybe he's eating in his quarters. He's pretty busy."

"Yeah…"

"Is something vrong, Keptin?" Chekov asked.

"No, I guess not…mind if I eat with you guys?"

"Of course not."

Jim smiled and got her food before sitting down.

"How vas your game last night, Keptin?"

Jim blinked. "You know about our game?"

Sulu shot his friend an almost annoyed look before smiling. "Well, word is around the ship you and Mr. Spock had a chess game last night. And that you had played a few times before your, uh…"

"Transformation?"

"Yeah."

"It was good…" She blushed a little remember what had almost happened afterward. "I won one, he won one, but our tie breaker was broken up when Scotty decided to play hopscotch with the thrusters."

"Yeah, that screwed everyone up."

"Da, I hit my head in da shower…big moose egg."

"Goose, Pavel, goose egg," Sulu corrected.

"Ah, yes, Goooose…English vords, to many sound alike…"

Jim chuckled. They continued to chat during lunch. When it was over he went back for the second shift. As it began, she was surprised when Spock didn't return. She asked the science officer that took his place and he said he was working overtime in the science department and thought you would understand.

_Is he working more on the reversal…?_ She thanked him and went back to her shift.

However, when this kept up for two more days, she was getting progressively more annoyed and worried. She sent him a message asking if something was wrong, but all she got back was a status report of the reversal being "near the stage when it can be implemented with caution."

When she actively tried to hunt down the Vulcan for a face to face conversation, she could swear he would leave the room just as she was entering. It was like a bad game of hide and seek.

"Hey, Uhura?"

"Yes Captain?"

"Off shift, call me Jim. That's not the point, um….did I do something to make Spock…upset with me?"

"Upset with you?"

"Yeah, he's been avoiding me the last couple of days…"

"Really?" she sounded a little doubtful and Jim frowned.

"The only place I see him is on the bridge and he only talks to me to give me status reports on whatever the heck's going on there or in the science department. I enter a room, he leaves. I call him, he gives me a short answer and then hangs up. If I say I just want to talk, he says he has work to do and we can talk later. Except we never talk later cause he never calls back. And if I go to see them he's not there. If I try to find him, I never can. It's driving me nuts!"

Uhura stared a while. "You…have been actively seeking out Spock? And the fact that he won't give you the time of day is driving you this crazy?"

"Yes, what's your point?"

She rolled her eyes slightly. "Nothing I suppose. He hasn't said anything to me about you, sorry." Jim frowned, looking honestly worried. Uhura frowned as well before sighing. "I really don't know Jim…you don't remember doing anything that could've upset him?"

"No, I…" she flushed and tensed when she remembered the almost kiss when she had been leaning in. Then she felt her stomach twist. _Oh god…is that why? Is he disgusted? I mean…I'm his captain…I'm human…I'm supposed to be a man…I'll be a man again soon…and my reputation, he probably thought I was just trying to add to my list of "where no man's gone before"…_

"Jim? Is something wrong?"

"Uh, no…I think maybe there was something…I…I gotta go." She dashed off before Uhura could ask if she was alright. She rushed through the turbo lift and then through the halls till she got to the science department, stepping through the door with as much of the air of a captain as she could muster despite the near desperate beating of her heart. "Alright, all those who's name is not Commander Spock, clear out. I need to have a private conversation with your head officer."

The science officers all looked up in surprise before looking at Spock. Spock continued to remain hunched over a microscope, not reacting to Jim's entrance or demand.

"I'm your captain, which means if I say leave I mean now! Uh…unless of course anything you're working on will explode if you don't do something now…But otherwise out!"

They all scrambled, some saving their work and others quickly writing out their results before leaving. Spock made to rise but Jim pointed right at him. "Plant it, Spock, you and I need to talk!" Spock remained where he was, still not facing her. A few science officers cast worried glances back at their commander and captain before the door shut and Jim locked it.

"Captain, was breaking up our work really necessary? You may have postponed the reversal process for your transformation again by-"

"Spock, I don't know what Vulcan manners dictate, but usually looking at people when you talk is a good thing rather than making me talk to the back of your head."

There was a pause before he turned and Jim felt more worried when she looked at his eyes. Normally he could see a glimmer of emotion, of life in there that let her know what Spock was really feeling. Now they looked listless, like he was keeping his emotions even more tightly capped to the point he must be suffocating them.

"Spock…I…Look, about what happened the other night on the observation deck…" She saw him tense just slightly at that.

"I'm not certain I know to what you are referring Captain."

She frowned more. "Spock, I was kind of there…I, uh…know what happened…" She sighed, trying to keep up her calm but firm demeanor though it was getting progressively difficult. "I, uh…I know it was out of the norm and everything and…inappropriate…for a lot of reasons, probably…even if we didn't actually do anything…" His lips twitched down slightly though she didn't see. "But I don't want you to hold it against me like this. I mean, it was just a small slip up, and it's not like it went far. I can promise it won't happen again."

Spock took his usual stance with his hands behind his back, and Jim couldn't see how they tightened.

"So, can we just agree that we're both friends, nothing more? I promise, I won't flirt with you. I mean, I haven't before, not seriously. Just teasing and stuff. And that…well, you know, I've been through a lot so it was probably just hormones. I didn't mean anything by it."

"Indeed…" There was a flash of something in his eyes, too fast for Jim to catch but she smiled and took it as a good sign.

"So we're agreed? Just friends, no more, uh…almost romantic gestures."

"…I believe I will no longer find that satisfactory, Captain."

Jim blinked. "Huh?"

"I have come to realize over the last few months that your…persistence in maintaining my company has led to me making several concessions on my part. Dominantly in my emotional responses. I find this to be detrimental to my behavior as a Vulcan and unsatisfactory to my role here on this ship These responses are both unwanted and could possibly lead to poor function in the workplace."

She blinked again then frowned. "Spock, I don't want to get the wrong impression again, but it sounds like you think I'm a bad influence on you."

"Indeed Captain, that is a just impression from what I am saying."

Jim gaped at him a moment before glaring. "What the hell?! You seemed fine with it before!"

"That was before I realized the extent of my concessions in allowing myself to break from my traditions and-"

"Fuck your traditions!" Jim growled. "You're saying your upset at me for making you _feel_?"

"Quite," he said a bit more tersely.

"Well like hell I'm apologizing for that!" She stalked closer and missed the slight green flush to his ears as she stood toe to toe with him. "I like it when you 'feel' things! You're actually fun to be around rather than when you have a stick up your ass! I…I like that you joke a little. Sometimes I even see your lips twitch in a smile…." Her hand half rose with the intent to cup his cheek but she forced it back down. "What's wrong with that?"

"Such emotions are the gateway to others which could prove detrimental and even dangerous in a Vulcan."

"Spock, I don't think you would hurt anyone."

"That has not been my previous experience when I allow my emotions to get the better of me."

Jim winced but then smiled. "I was literally asking for it that time though. And I don't think-"

"That is not the only instance. There have been others. In my youth, I beat another boy quite badly."

Jim was surprised by this. She'd always pictured Spock as a well behaved child, the opposite of him. Then she was thoughtful a moment. "…He insulted your mom?"

Spock's surprise broke through and she smiled. "It's the only thing I can think of that would make you that angry, especially as a kid. But Spock, both those times you were going through a lot. Childhood is difficult for a lot of people in terms of emotions and that other…well, you know. I don't think just letting them out sometimes will-"

"You are not an expert in Vulcan mentality, nor are you clairvoyant, Captain Kirk. You cannot account for what can happen. It is better that I maintain my control."

Using her last name almost felt even colder than the simple Captain he always used. "Spo-"

"Furthermore I find your lack of respect for my beliefs to be highly intolerant and a breach of protocol 143 of the-"

"I am not intolerant of your beliefs! I'm just intolerant of you following a belief that is obviously countering what you really feel and-"

"You are not an expert on what I feel, Captain," Spock practically growled. Jim started and looked up at him in surprise. "I find these emotions distracting and unwanted. There is nothing good about them. I would rather feel nothing than what I feel for you now as it is unnecessary and creates nothing but trouble for me."

Jim stared, feeling suddenly numb. "Spock, I…I'm trying hard not to misinterpret that, but it sounds like you…don't want to be my friend anymore…" _God, is this grade school or something?_

"…Indeed, that would be an accurate assertion from what I am saying."

For a moment Jim was about to say _You're lying_, but Vulcans don't lie she reminded herself. Spock's eyes flickered a moment, maybe catching something on her face, but then hardened again. Jim turned on her heel then, keeping her voice as level and poised as she could. "Alright then. If that's what you want, fine. I'm the Captain, you're the first officer, and that's where it ends."

"…Very good, Captain."

"Yeah…very good. I'm sorry for interrupting your science officers and their work, Commander. I will send them back in after I leave." She marched briskly towards the door again, cursing that Spock insisted on working so far away from it for some reason. All the while in the back of her mind she kept thinking _Stop me, goddammit, stop me, don't let me go, say your sorry, don't let it be like this please I like you, I like you, you're my friend, DON'T DO THIS!_

The door shut behind her without so much as a "See you at Gamma shift, Captain."

* * *

There had been hurt in her eyes, in her lips, in her entire body when he'd said those words. Jim was strong, had endured much physical pain, but he had put hurt there. Hurt and betrayal and…loneliness. He felt a weight settle in that chest, carved with that look. A vice like grip of something much like regret and more than likely guilt around his ribcage to squeeze the strength from him.

It was the right thing to do though. Emotions would hinder him in the long run. His feelings for the captain would develop more, his…infatuation growing. Even after she changed back, maybe especially after. He would pine for him and inside it would hurt with every new person he was with, ever person he flirted with. He obviously had no interest with him, and no interest in a monogamous relationship, so it would hurt more and more as he realized he would never be with the Captain in that way. He would worry more about him on away missions, try to stop him from doing dangerous things that captains had to do, the things that made him Jim. Eventually it would end badly somehow, with him more than likely being the one left alone.

For days he tried to avoid her, to try and stop anything before it grew into something he couldn't handle. He avoided looking at her, though he could see her(or him) in his minds eye whenever he wished. He did his best not to foster more feelings. He should've known the captain wouldn't like the sudden end of their camaraderie with each other. The confrontation so soon was unexpected and he had not fully prepared himself for it.

Still, he got his job done and managed to convince her to let it go.

He would not admit he was the one who was having trouble letting go.

* * *

Jim wouldn't admit she felt her eyes pricking, water gathering anywhere in there. She was angry, angrier than she had been in a long time. And when James T. Kirk was angry, he would do one of two things: Fight or fuck. Sometimes both.

Given how the rest of the crew was apparently avoiding him in that last respect, he was hoping they would at least spar with her. She headed down to the gym where she was happy to see the security officers were doing some hand to hand exercises. They were reluctant at first, and her chagrin rose when she caught a few hesitations based on her new sex.

Several minutes later though, when most of them were flat on their backs or hanging over the ropes, she was less frustrated but still ragingly angry. At least she didn't feel like hitting anything right now, which was good cause she was heading up to the sick bay to try and vent more to the one other person she knew would listen to her.

"Bones!"

"The hell-Good God Jim, what's the matter?"

She grabbed the back of his shirt and pulled him to his office. "I need to rant, so get ready."

"Oh joy…"

Bones sighed and went to his desk, sitting down and fishing out his tumbler and glasses. "Okay, what dare I ask happen…oh god, please tell me your period didn't come again. Wait, it's only been a few days…"

"Don't joke, Bones, I'm seriously angry and, and...AAAAH!!" She threw up her hands as she started pacing, Bones watching her. "He thinks he can just suddenly decide he doesn't want me, and decide I'm a bad influence on his stupid sensibilities?! Damn him!!"

"…Are we talking about the hobgoblin?"

"Yes! He has the damn nerve to tell me the reason he's been avoiding me is because I "compromise" him and our job by making him actually give a damn about something!"

"…That something being you?"

"What? How the hell should I know, the bastard just basically said h didn't want to feel so he didn't want to be friends anymore! We got a working relationship now, and that's it."

"…I'm not seeing the problem."

"Bones, I'm serious. Spock…" Jim deflated a little, starting to feel the anger become shadowed by the hurt and sadness he also felt. "I…I thought it was going well. I mean, we weren't at each others' throats-"

"He was mostly at yours if I recall." Jim gave him a withering glare and he poured a drink. "Uh, sorry…go on."

"…Well…Its just…He started being more open…I mean, he was still mister straight laced, don't show what you're thinking or feeling Vulcan tight ass most of the time but…when we were alone, I…I could get him to smile sometimes…just a little…" Bones eyebrows rose, not only at the idea of Spock smiling but from the wistful, warm way Jim talked about it. "And he would joke a little too…It was dry, but sometimes he could be really funny. And sometimes…Sometimes I even got him to tell me things I don't think he's told others…and…"

"And what?"

"…Nevermind, you'll just think I'm stupid…"

"Jim, I've been your friend for years now. I know your not stupid. Reckless, idiotic, sex crazed, egotistic and narcissistic to a fault, but not stupid."

"Gee Bones, tell me how you really feel…"

"Jim."

"…I…When he would open up like that…And I knew somehow it was just to me, I felt…special. No one has ever…confided that much in me. Except you, of course, but…well…"

"It wasn't the same?"

She shook her head. "This felt…different. You're my best friend, Bones. The best friend I've ever had. Really, all my life I can't think of a better friend than you. And that hasn't changed at all, cause I still think of you when I think of my best friend." Bones blushed a little and sipped his drink to try to hide it. "But...I think of Spock a lot lately…even before I was…like this. I want to spend more time with him. I like…liked spending time with him. It made me feel different than when I spent time with you, or with the other guys, or anyone else."

_Sometimes I still feel alone even when I'm with all of you_, she thought to herself._ Not always, but sometimes….but never with him…I never…felt alone…_

Bones suddenly looked shocked and stood. "Jim?"

"What?"

"You're…"

Jim blinked then reached up to her face when she felt something tickle her cheek. She started when she realized she'd actually shed a couple of tears and blushed, rubbing them away. "Dammit, the hell?! I…God, I'm really a girl now, huh?" She laughed a little brokenly, sounding too much like the James Kirk he knew when Jim would let down his guard for a moment. Most people never knew how raw he was under there, how much he craved not just attention, but affection and a connection.

Bones didn't say anything but stood up and went over, setting a hand on Jim's shoulder and trying not to wince at how much thinner it felt in this form. "Its okay, Jim."

"No it's not, I'm the captain dammit! I shouldn't be this…this worked up over my stupid First Officer saying we aren't friends. It's stupid…"

"You're also human, Jim. And unlike that greenblooded jackass, we can understand that feelings can be hurt just as much as flesh and bone."

Jim looked at him a long while before nodding. "Yeah…"

Bones squeezed his shoulder and then patted his back. "Why don't you go rest? Maybe take the next shift off, you're still pretty tense and…well, seeing Spock might make you want to hit the guy. I'd support you of course, but it might lower crew morale to do it on the bridge."

Jim nodded a little. "Maybe…I'll go rest though. Thanks Bones, you really helped."

"Happy to do it."

Jim smiled before heading for the door. "Oh, and Bones…"

"This conversation never happened, got it."

She smiled and headed off. Bones sighed and returned to his desk, sipping down the rest of his glass. He regarded the empty glass a moment before stowing it all away. Pushing the comm. Button on his desk, he tried not to growl. "Nurse Chapel? Tell Commander Spock I want to see him in my office ASAP."

* * *

So yes, tiny bit more of a hiccough, but I figured Spock wouldn't be that enthused to be having feelings for his captain and would be fighting them. It's a loosing battle though 3


	12. Crush Control

Sorry for another delay, but this one took a little bit to get how I liked it. :3

* * *

Jim returned to her room with a sigh. The anger had slowly faded to a dull pilot light inside her, overshadowed now by a deep feeling of sadness and hurt. Walking over, he pulled open the drawer of his desk and took out a bottle of liquor and a glass. Pouring one, she tipped it back and drank about half in one go, grunting at the slow burn down her throat to her stomach. She usually saved this for a day with losses or bad news, but she figured as down as she felt it was appropriate for now. She sat in her desk chair, nursing the rest as she thought to herself.

_Why…what did I do wrong? I mean, it was going so well…he was so open…did I push too much?_ She grimaced, realizing she sounded like one of those desperate girls she used to meet up with who didn't understand he wasn't looking for anything serious. _Oh irony…ha, that's not right though. I mean, I'm not in love with Spock. That would be silly! In love with Spock. He's a Vulcan, he's not into romance. They mate for life, and probably do it all logically…except his dad…And I'm not a girl, not really, I don't want romance. I Captain Kirk, I don't commit to anything by my ship. She's the only lady I need…_

She took another sip and glanced over at her table that stood between two chairs. The chess board was set up on top, all ready for what she had hoped that morning to be a match later if she could track down Spock. Standing, she took her glass over and sat in one of the chairs, looking down at the chess set. They had started playing on the computer, but she (he at the time) had surprised them both by buying a real set when they were at a station one day. It was a simple set made of plastic, nothing expensive or showy. It had been just right for them to play with, quieter than the computer game with it's sound effects. She smiled when she recalled Spock's annoyed frown at the computer when a good move was made and the "audience" would clap, the "wa wa" music when someone lost a piece and so forth. He'd laughed and told him to just turn the sound off, but he had argued they wouldn't now if an important message came through then. There was never a time one did come, but he humored him.

The night Jim showed him the actual chess set though, he'd been happy to see a little twinkle and warmth in his eyes. Spock evidently preferred real chess to computer. Jim thought slightly it was because he could touch a real chess set, see what was really happening. The fact there were no obnoxious sound effects was a plus too for him, he was sure.

Reaching out, Jim picked up the black king and looked it over. She recalled when it had taken cover under the bench on the observation deck and both she and Spock had gone after it. The feeling of Spock's hand on hers was still vivid. It hadn't felt normal, the way his fingers buzzed over her skin like little charges of static were going through them. Yet it hadn't been unpleasant. She missed the feeling, honestly. And that brief moment their fingertips touched had felt like a current being completed and she could feel the tingle all the way up her arm.

Why did it seem familiar?

Sitting back, she pressed her glass against her temple as if to ward off the coming headache her whirling thoughts was producing.

_Why…why do I keep thinking about it…why do I keep thinking about him…when did he become such a big part of my life that I feel so lost when he says he doesn't want to be around me anymore? Why do I care? Why do I miss him? Why do I wish he was here? WHY?_

…_I need a shower._

Setting the black king down without looking, she didn't notice it fall over and the black king fall on top as she headed for the shower.

She was glad the private rooms had water based heated showers. She turned it on, listened to the slight whine then his as it came out the shower head and stripped her clothes off. Stepping in, she sighed and turned it to what most would consider a little too hot, but she felt oddly cold and wanted to scald that feeling out of her skin.

_I'm cold…always cold lately...Spock's so warm…_

She moved on autopilot, cleaning her hair, then her skin. Sometimes she would take a little time to enjoy the sensitive parts of her body during a shower, but this time she didn't feel any pleasure as she washed. Her mind was still revolving around Spock, what he said, the hurt, and the chess board that was probably going to collect dust now.

Turning off the water, she just stood there and rested her head against the cool tile wall, shivering as the cold came back. The humid air actually had her relatively dry soon enough, but her face still felt oddly wet. Reaching up, she gasped when she felt the twin tracks of moister down her cheeks. She pulled away and reached up to scrub her arm across her face, trying to erase them.

"Goddamit, James," she growled to herself. "Pull yourself together, you are not some weepy little girl who got rejected by her crush. You are James Tiberius Kirk, Captain of the Enterprise, renowned ladies man, awesome man of action…you don't…cry…" The last was a choke of disgust as she grabbed the towel from the rack and cupped her face, cursing herself in all the languages she knew (curse words and insults, along with flirtatious compliments, having been the first thing Jim learned). The cold and the tightness in her chest wouldn't go away even when the tears stopped though.

_What the hell is wrong with me?_

* * *

Spock entered the office with a blank face, not enthused to be there. He and Dr. McCoy had never seen eye to eye, and though they weren't violent with each other arguing was the usual outcome of their conversations. Whatever he wanted to discuss, he was sure it meant a rant on the doctor's part.

"Spock, sit down. You and I need to talk."

"I would prefer to remain standing, Dr. McCoy. And to my knowledge we have not pressing matters to discuss."

"Shut the hell up." The doctor cam around his desk and leaned against it with his arms crossed, glaring at the Vulcan even more heatedly than normal. "Where the hell do you get off?"

"Doctor?"

"Don't you "Doctor?" me, you pointy eared jackass. Where do you get off treating your friends like this?"

Spock's face became even more deadpanned if that was possible, his eyes half closing. "I see. You have spoken with the Captain?"

"No shit, now answer the question."

"The feelings and emotions elicited by my companionship with Captain Kirk would interfere with my duties-"

"Since when? Site me an instance in the last week you've been "interfered with" because of _your_ emotions?"

"If you had paid attention, Doctor, you would've noticed the future tense of my statement in inferring that with the…development of any attachment to my captain would eventually interfere with my duties."

"So you're a fucking coward is what your saying?"

Spock's eyebrow twitched and his lips tightened slightly. "I am merely taking preemptive measures."

"No, what you're doing is being a Vulcan moron."

"Dr. McCo-"

"Shut the hell up. You actually broke off your friendship with Jim because you think it _could_ have a _bad_ effect on how the ship is run?"

"Essentially yes. The probability is-"

"I don't care about numbers, Spock. Numbers can't tell you everything, despite what you may think."

"I find that unlikely."

"Alright, then can a number tell you how Jim felt about this?"

"…Probability is that the captain was more than likely slightly upset. However I estimate she will get over this in a few days."

"Uh huh. Now what would you say if our Captain came to me bitching about you, not understanding why you did that, and actually cried a little?"

Spock's eyes widened, his amazing mind actually halting at a loss for a response to that. "T…The captain cried?"

"Just a little, but yeah. She likes you…a lot."

Spock's ears turned green and McCoy arched his eyebrows. He turned away from McCoy, looking thoughtful. "…Our professional relationship is more important than any personal."

"Yeah, cause lord knows being friends with your captain, knowing him well enough to anticipate his moves, understand his meaning behind certain words in a high risk situation and both of you wanting to keep each other alive through whatever happens in this floating deathtrap is not a good thing. Unless this is part of your master plan to get Jim killed in action so you can take over the-"

"I desire no such thing!"

Bones' eyebrows rose quite high. Though his voice wasn't a decibel higher, the words were clipped and rushed. He had a feeling that was the everyday Vulcan equivalent of yelling. "…Okay, so you don't want Jim dead anymore."

Spock winced at that, which was just a twitch below his eye, and remained turned away. McCoy had to admit, the man was in a bad way to have all these tell tale signs of what he's feeling and thinking. He'd marveled at how well Jim could read the Vulcan, and now he got a feeling this must be how it was done. "Indeed."

"…Spock…how do you actually feel about Jim?"

If he thought the Vulcan couldn't be anymore rigid he was wrong. He looked like a wax dummy. "…I…truly do not mind the captain's company…"

"Uh huh, I got that much. I'm wondering how much you "don't mind" his company."

Spock didn't answer, but the fact he didn't answered the question well enough.

"…Well, it might be just as well you cut ties with her. I mean, there's no way you could be the kind of friend she needs."

Spock's lips twitched downward. "What do you mean, doctor?"

"Well, you obviously understand nothing about Jim. At all."

The Vulcan gave him the closest thing to a glare.

"It's true. Otherwise you'd understand Jim calling you a friend was a big honor he didn't take lightly."

"The captain has many friends."

"Yeah, but not many he _calls_ friend. Ya see, before he came to the Academy Jim wasn't exactly a social butterfly. He was more inclined to get into fights and hit on anyone he talked to, not make friends. He didn't really have friends in highschool, wasn't there enough to really make them…didn't have to be there as smart as that idiot is."

"…you are insinuating the captain is a 'loner' as they say?"

"Insinuating nothing, he was. But the other thing is, he craves contact. Being with people. I was with him the most in the academy, the only one who was really close to him, and I saw that while he tried not to be close to anyone, he wanted to be. The kid is fucking lonely. And now he has us, everyone here on the Enterprise who he's coming to call friend. And you pull this shit on him!?"

Spock tensed at the sudden venom in his voice.

"Goddammit, you Vulcan bastard, do you have any idea how much that hurt? For the first time in forever he's letting himself trust a big group of people, get close to them, like them and call them his friends rather than just "a guy I know" or "a girl who turned me down". And then you do this? Do you realize you might've put him at risk of just going back to being that lonely arrogant jerk who keeps people at a distance because _you_ are the one who has a damn problem with being close?"

McCoy couldn't tell from the slight twitch in his eyebrows and the way he stood that he was beginning to be sufficiently shamed.

"Instead, you thinking your damn feelings will get in the way may have just given us a captain that's going to rely on himself rather than his crew and do you realize how much danger that could put himself as well as the rest of us in?"

"…Human psychology is…not predicable."

"You don't have to tell me, jackass. But I guess that doesn't matter to you since you're not his friend." Spock looked down, eyes thoughtful, and Bones sighed. "Sometimes I wonder if you even have a heart." _And what that idiot could see in you…_

"…I…do not find Captain Kirk's company…disagreeable."

Bone's arched his own eyebrows at him. The soft, barely heard admission was not the norm for the second in command of the ship. "Come again?"

"I do not find the Captain's company disagreeable. I…enjoy the captain's company. He…she is…not like anyone I've ever met…" Spock was blushing a fair shade of green across his cheeks, refusing to meet Bones' eyes.

Bones' eyes widened. Though unremarkable by human standards, he was pretty sure that was the Vulcan equivalent of a confession. "Wait, so you do like Jim?"

"Affirmative."

"…You like Jim a lot?"

Spock was silent and Bones pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath, knowing what that silence meant. _Dear god, I got stuck in a stupid romance novel with two oblivious protagonists. I'm a doctor, not a matchmaker! But since these two are probably to stubborn and dense enough to get together on their own…_

"Okay, you, come with me. We're taking a walk as we talk and you're going to listen."

"Could we not speak here, Doctor?"

"No, cause I think better when I walk. Now c'mon, most people are on shifts you big baby, no one's going to overhear us. Just let me grab something." He rifled through a drawer quickly and stuffed something in his pocket before heading for the door.

"I assure you, doctor, I have reached Vulcan maturity…" Spock grumbled. He could say it wasn't a grumble, but Bones knew grumbling when he heard it. Jim hadn't titled him the grumbling king for nothing.

"Yeah, woop de doo for you. Now listen, I'm figuring you turned Jim away like that cause A) you're trying to get rid of your "unvulcan" feelings, B) You're scared of what could happen, and C) you're scared of getting your heart broken."

"…The heart is a muscle, not a bone, as I'm sure you should be aware Doctor. It cannot be broken," he said quietly.

"Crushed then," he spat as they walked to the turbolift and he punched a button. "The point is you. Are. A. Fucking. Coward. …you pointy-eared bastard," he added as an afterthought.

"You have said as much before…"

"Well I'm saying it again cause you keep proving me right. Now, no one says you're going to admit to these feelings and everything is going to be crepes in Paris, and Cardashian sunrises on a beach on Vega 6. But hell, is making you both miserable really worth trying to kill it before it starts?" He exited the lift and Spock followed, still deep in thought.

"…I will admit, my previous plan has…not been as fruitful as I had hoped…nor has it had the desired effect."

"I figured. So, you tried it the Vulcan way. Ready to try it the human way?"

"…What is the human way?"

"To suck it up and risk a good heart crush." He stopped and Spock looked up form his thoughtful gaze at the floor to realize he had followed McCoy right to Jim's room.

"…I am…uncertain how to go about such a thing."

"Well, word to the wise, apologizing in this case would be a good start. Telling her you were wrong and that you do want to be friends. And if the mood is right, tell her you have a crush on her."

"I do not wish to harm the captain in such a manner," he replied, sounding surprised for a Vulcan.

"What harm…oh right, you're not good with euphemisms…" Bones sighed and wracked a hand through his hair. "Tell her you have a romantic infatuation towards her you would like to pursue."

Bones had to admit seeing Spock's still straight face turn a sudden shade of green from his ears to his neck was pretty funny. His eyes were a little wider and his mouth a little thinner and if it weren't for the fact he was on a mission, Bones would take a picture and tease him mercilessly for the remaining four years of their mission.

"I…Am uncertain to what you are refer-"

"Don't even try it, Vulcan moron. Playing dumb doesn't suit you and is the same as lying. Other's may not see it, or realize it, but I've had to listen to you enough to know when certain words mean certain things. That being said, either get the girl or still be her friend, but don't you fucking break, or crush, her heart like that again."

"…You…are a good friend, Dr. McCoy."

Bones was surprised before smirking a little. "No shit. And now, my last bit of wisdom." He was suddenly a little too close for the Commander's taste, staring him in the eyes. "This is not encouragement, nor is it acceptance, but dammit I know when you go in there something is more than likely going to happen and I don't want to deal with certain possible after effects. At the least I'm hoping you two finally take your heads out of the sand and get something going that'll make her, or him, happy. That being said, you hurt Jim again, male or female, I guarantee you're suddenly going to have seven different forms of STDs without the S involved, if you catch my drift."

Spock stared in shock, though it looked more like just widened set of eyes at the growl of sincerity in the CMO's voice.

"You heard me." He pressed something into the Vulcan's hand and at the same time managed to override Jim's door with his other hand and open it, shoving the shell shocked Vulcan in. "Now make love, not war, jerk." The door closed and Spock was left standing at just inside his captain's room. Looking down curiously, his he breathed in sharply through his nose to see McCoy had given him a condom.

* * *

Okay, will hopefully have the next one done sooner. Also, I decided to have Jim cry more for a few reasons, one of them being that he just doesn't know how to deal with feelings like this and since he has no one else he would probably feel comfortable confiding in (having already talked to Bones) she just kind of broke down. There's another reason, but you will find out later…


	13. Epiphany

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays everyone~!

* * *

Spock stared at the condom, holding it rather awkwardly with both hands before looking up. Jim wasn't readily visible so he took a deep breath and steadied his voice. "Captain?"

There was a sound of another door opening and Spock felt his ears and cheeks heat slightly as she walked out of what must've been the bathroom dressed in a tank top and rather tight pair of boxers. She was working a towel into her hair, her back to him. "Mr. Spock. Is there a status report for me to sign?" she asked in a professional tone.

"…no, not at this time, Captain…" he said carefully, placing the condom covertly in his pocket.

"Then is there some sort of ship problem I need to go overlook?"

"No, Capt…Jim."

She paused in working the towel into her hair and turned her head, blinking at him. "What…did you say?"

"... No... Jim. ... I am not here for status reports or any sort of trouble. Though it took the doctor rather…direct methods, I... I am here for... _you. _As a friend. If you accept the numerous apologizes I realize now that I should have given the moment I said I didn't want to be your friend. I let my... emotions of not wanting the emotions you invoke in me to cloud my better judgment."

She turned completely around, staring in surprise. "You…wait, the doctor? Bones told you!?" She gaped before growling and pulling the towel off her head, throwing it to the bed. "Goddamit, you old busybody, you had to go and tell him I was upset that much…" She was blushing as she looked up, hesitantly meeting his gaze. "But…You're sorry?"

"I had yet to officially apologize, but I shall now. I am sorry Jim, for many things..." His eyes softened slightly. "And in particular, for hurting you."

Jim blushed more and looked away. "I wasn't that hurt…" she muttered defensively.

"... I am still sorry, even if the pain was slight."

She looked at him, noticing he looked a little worried, before smiling and sighing as she walked closer. "Okay...I forgive you. But that doesn't mean I don't expect you to make it up to me. We're playing chess again later, and then I'm gonna think up a punishment for you. A bad one."

Spock stared, feeling a small bit of trepidation come into him. "Jim, it is against Starfleet regulations to severely punish any member of the crew without some sort of trial."

"Yes, but that's for wrongs in the line of duty. This is between friends, and we both know who screwed up this time. Um…this does mean you want to be friends, right?"

Spock's eyes softened again and his lips twitched. "Indeed, Jim. I wish to be your friend."

She grinned happily before looking thoughtful. "You're using my name an awful lot…"

A barely noticeable blush came to the Vulcan's face. "I believe you requested it when off duty, Captain. Should I cease using it?"

"Hell no, after I kept trying to get you to use it? Besides," she smiled radiantly, "I like it when you use it. It lets me know you really mean it and want to be friends. I'm happy to hear it, so don't stop, kay?"

Spock's blush was a little more noticeable and his eyes shifted away. "Alright…Jim."

She grinned then tilted her head. "You okay Spock? You're looking a little green."

He flushed slightly more. "I am fine."

"Uh huh, that's why you look like an olive." She reached up without further preamble and pressed her palm to his forehead. "Yikes, you're burning up! …Wait, you're always warmer than me…" Spock's eyes were wider than normal, staring down at her, frozen in place by her hand on his forehead. Jim blinked and blushed, realizing she was still touching him and pulled back. "Ah, sorry…Well, if you think you're alright, I'll trust you."

Spock didn't look like he was entirely listening anymore. His gaze was fixed on her, eyes darkened slightly.

Jim blushed a little, swallowing. "Uh, Spock? You sure you're okay? You look…a little…"

He didn't take his eyes off her, the gaze moving to her throat when she swallowed. "…I…I should go, Captain." He turned to do so.

Her hand went out without her consent really, but it gripped his elbow gently to stall him. "Um, hey...you will call me Jim more often, right? And...If there's ever something wrong, or something you need, I'll listen. Okay?"

He didn't turn. His arm was tense where she held him, like a piece of metal, but warm and alive. "…Jim…I cannot ask you for what I need…"

Jim blinked then frowned, trying to move around him to see his face. Hey now, don't go saying that when I don't even know what it is. And from that I'm figuring there is something you need, so out with it."

Spock was still a moment more before turning to her. Jim tensed a little when she looked into his eyes. They were even darker than before, but dancing with life she hadn't seen in them before. His face was still impassive as a statue, but those eyes were telling a lot. He stared at her with longing, but tinged with hesitance and fear. She felt her own arousal and blush rising as she looked at those eyes. "S-Spock?"

He said nothing but turned fully back towards her, her now numb fingers letting go of him. But his fingers reached up towards her face. She tensed a moment, the gesture reminding her far to much of that time in the ice cave with another Spock, but before she could move or speak she felt the familiar tingle of his fingers pressing against the side of her face. Just two fingers, starting at her temple and tracing down the curve of her cheek and jaw. She shivered slightly as the tingle moved with his fingers. They moved down, still light and teasing, before resting under her chin and closing her slightly open mouth. Pushing more, still gentle, he tilted her face up and bent down at his waist slightly. Before Jim could manage to think through the oddness of this, she felt very warm lips against hers. They were dry yet still soft, like the pages in an old antique book. No moving or pushing roughly, sloppily running tongues or any of what she remembered from his infamous past back as a man. Just warmth pressed against her lips gently, not demanding anything but contact.

She closed her eyes just slightly and before she could return the gesture he pulled away, taking his lips and fingers with him. He looked away, shame shaping his face just slightly. "I am sorry, Jim…I…Need to go." The door opened before she could stop him and he slipped off and away.

Jim stood where she was, shocked, awed and utterly confused.

* * *

Spock didn't run away, or even sprint. He walked, purposeful and quick, back to his room and closed the door. He sat at his desk, intent to get work done, but ended up staring at the computer screen.

He had just let his emotions get the better of him yet again.

And possible ruin the friendship he had sought to fix.

Spock had heard often, usually from McCoy or Jim, about banging ones head against the wall in self reproach. It had never made sense to him till now, but of course he would not do such a thing. Instead he decided that mediation was best and stood from the desk to go and sit at his mat, methodically lighting candles around him before settling back into the familiar pose. He breathed deeply as he began to clear his mind…

_Her lips were cool and soft, like the water that had been so precious on his planet. When they touched his it had taken nearly all his self control not to dive in further and deepen the contact-_

Spock opened his eyes, grunting softly at himself. This would be harder than he first thought…

* * *

Jim stared at the door a while longer before thoughtlessly walking over and practically falling back into the chair at her desk. Her eyes were still wide and unbelieving. But dimly she thought she could still feel that warmth against her lips.

_Spock…just kissed me. Spock kissed me. SPOCK. Kissed. Me. Has the whole universe imploded yet? _She leaned over and looked out the window she had in her bedroom, but no, the universe was still apparently intact despite her feeling it shouldn't be. _Why did he…and for that matter, why did it feel so good?_ She blushed a little when she thought that and shook her head. _It was a kiss, it was supposed to feel good. Even if this one felt…especially good. _Frowning, she took up the glass and bottle again, filling it and knocking it back in nearly one go before slamming it down. _Something is wrong with me. I'm mood swinging again or something. I'm totally out of whack, like…_ Her eyes widened. Just a moment ago she had likened what happened to another event that had left him emotionally unstable. It had been a short time, but it had been intense. And that was a good way to describe what was happening now. She was off kilter again, and it was starting to get bad. Maybe the only person that could help was the person that had jarred him the first time.

But not the same as this time.

_Does that make sense?_ she wondered. Deciding she didn't care, she turned to her computer and quickly opened her call line, typing in the person she needed to talk to about emotions, even if he had spent more than twice her lifetime probably suppressing them. She held her breath, hoping that he was there and not busy.

She let out the breath when the call was accepted and a familiar face came to the screen, though she felt herself blush to see it after what just happened.

"Jim," Ambassador Spock (known as Soltek now, to avoid confusion or make people wonder, but he was still Spock to her). "How good to…" one eyebrow rose as the greeting fell short, looking as much as he could see up and down. Jim blushed more, suddenly feeling modest. She wasn't even wearing a bra under her tank top, having been planning to go to sleep after her shower. Before she could confirm that yes, it was Jim, the eyebrow settled and a slight quirk came to the elder man's lips. "My, this is new."

Jim had to smile at that. Even before she and her Spock had begun their easier, we'll-be-friends-soon-enough relationship, she had found this Spock much easier to talk with. Maybe it was because she practiced reading his more open face first, or the fact he was generally more open with him to begin with, but it was just nice to talk to him. "Yeah…I'm finding a lot of new things lately."

"I can believe that. How…?"

"How did it happen? Well, it involved saliva, pheromones and the transporter."

"Indeed?"

"Yep. How long? Er…more than a month."

"That long?"

"Yeah…sorry I haven't called in a while, a lots been going on."

"I can see that."

"How's the colony doing?"

"Oh, quite well actually. Some things are still…difficult, but the survivors are dealing with it better and better."

"That's good."

He smiled, and there was a little light in his eye that made her blush again. "Jim, I know you did not call just to ask how things are here…and I have a feeling you did not call just to notify me of your…developments."

She looked down, not quite knowing how to start.

"It's alright, Jim. As I have said, I will always be your friend. I will not judge you. And I will always do my best to help you."

She smiled a little and looked up again, though frowning slightly. "Lately…lately I've been…feeling more emotional. I mean, at one point it sort of made sense cause…I was stressed and everything…"

"You have always been an emotional man, Jim. It is one of the things I hold in high regard of you. As a woman I would not expect you to be any different."

"But it is different! I mean…I'm feeling stuff I don't _want _to feel. Stuff I used to be able to keep in check."

"Such as?"

"…I…"

"Jim, did something happen?"

"…Yeah…"

"Please, I wish to help."

The warm, worried tone surprised her and she looked up. Though still stoic as ever, there was a slight worry to his brow that she new somewhere inside her meant he was anxious for her. Taking a deep breath, she sighed it out.

"Well…earlier today, my…our Spock, Spock the younger…said he didn't want to be my friend anymore."

Spock's eyebrows rose slightly, before his eyes took on a cold expression. "My alternative self is a fool who does not learn."

She smiled a little, knowing that was probably a great insult to a Vulcan. "I might agree somewhat with that every now and then…But when he said that, it…it really hurt. I mean, I…I like him a lot and we'd been doing well. Especially lately, we were getting really close and I could see more and more what you were talking about. So I didn't understand why…then he said it was because I emotionally compromised him and it was better not to foster feelings like that."

"I stand by my earlier statement and shall add that he is a coward."

Chuckling slightly, she relaxed a little more. "Yeah…but it really did hurt. I mean, I've had people tell me I'm not a good influence and stuff. When I was a kid, one of my friends mom's actually forbid me from ever speaking to her son again cause she thought I was going to corrupt her little darling. I had thought…I had thought after so long I was over it. That it didn't hurt anymore. And really, once I was a teenager it never did. I just figured if people didn't like me then they weren't people I should care about liking me anyway." He nodded slightly, and she had a feeling he thought it was logical in a way. "But…when Spock said it…Damn, it felt like he hit me in the gut or something…"

Spock nodded more, and she had a feeling he understood in a way.

"I was hurt, and angry too. So angry I went to the gym and fought a bunch of the security guys. Evidently I kick ass as a woman too," she added with a grin. The grin sobered and she leaned forward to rest her arms on the desk before the screen. "But when I was done, I was still angry. Usually a work out like that vents my frustration fine and I should've felt a lot better, but I didn't. So I even went and ranted to Bones. And…"

"And?"

"…I cried."

Spock's eyebrows shot up again.

"Yeah. Just a little…" He gave her a probing look and she sighed. "But, after Bones suggestion, I came back to my room to try and relax I…cried some more."

"His rejection hurts that much?"

"Apparently," she grumbled. "But, well…Bones evidently had a talk with him. He…came to my room a little bit ago and actually apologized. Said he was wrong and everything."

"…Perhaps he is not so much of a fool as I thought."

Jim grinned wryly. "Oh, save that for the end if you still feel that way."

"Did he do something else foolish?"

"Not…foolish…just…"

"What?"

"…W-we were talking…he was acting weird, so I asked if he was okay. I told him if he ever needed anything just to ask me…and then, he, uh…" she blushed. "He kissed me."

Spock blinked, which she took to be surprise. "…I see."

"That's all you have to say? 'I see'? I tell you your counterpart just kissed me and it's 'I see?'" she asked blandly. "Doesn't it strike you as weird?! I mean, you and your Kirk never kissed, did you?" There was silence and she gawked when his lip quirked up just slightly. "Wait, did you?"

"In the interest of letting you find your own path, I will not say at this time."

"But-"

"Jim, this is not my universe. I cannot say if you will be happy following what happened in ours or not. I would advise you instead to do what feels right."

"You are Vulcan, right?" she groused.

"Indeed, and as a Vulcan I realize it is illogical to tell you, one who does not follow the Vulcan way, to only use your head when making this decision in a matter that concerns your feelings."

"…You're saying…I need to choose if…I, uh, want…to be kissed again?"

"Indeed. You are oddly apprehensive about such a thing, Jim."

"Well yeah! I mean…He's my first officer for one thing. And a guy, which I plan on being again as well. And...Vulcans mate for life, so…"

Spock's brow rose but he finished the sentence for her. "You are anxious of being monogamous?"

"It's not exactly something I excel at…"

"If that is what you believe."

"Spock, I'm serious. I…I'm feeling a lot of weird stuff right now. Stuff I don't really want to feel, but it's there and…I don't' know what to do. And quite frankly, I want to blame you for this."

The eyebrow of confusion rose. "Me?"

"Yes, you. You and your…mind voodoo!" She tapped the side of her head. "Did you scramble something up here? Make me have the hots for Spock?"

The eyebrows narrowed. "I can assure you, captain, I did no such thing. I gave you memories of what I saw from the point of the supernova to the point we met."

She frowned, not liking him calling her captain. She had a feeling it was meant to show his affront to the accusation. "Yeah, and afterward it was like I got shoved in an emotional food processor. I didn't know what I felt, or what you felt."

"That is true, but if I did "scramble" anything, why would it take you a year to feel the effects."

"…Point taken…"

"If I may make a hypothesis?"

"Please."

"Perhaps there is another side effect beneath that of your transformation. One that is affecting your ability to control yourself as you usually would. Where you would be able to keep a stiff upper lip as they say, you are now feeling the urge to cry freely. Where you would usually be able to work out all your anger in a physical altercation, you still feel it left over. Where you would normally be able to cap certain feelings and disguise them, or bury them, you cannot."

"…So…something is making me more emotional? Like maybe a delayed reaction from the transformation or something that was building up?"

"It is a possibility. However, the emotions are yours, Jim. You would have to face them eventually."

Jim blushed, having a feeling he somehow knew what that meant to her. "But…"

"Jim, I must reiterate that I cannot tell you what you want, what you need, or what will make you happiest in the end. I will tell you, none of these things are mutually exclusive. Perhaps what you need is what you believe you do not want, and ultimately it will lead to your happiness."

"…I get the feeling you are trying to steer me to do something," she accused softly.

"Perhaps. But then again, you and my other self are the ones who must ultimately decide."

She was silent a moment. "…This…side effect? Do you think maybe it could be something dangerous? Just having a fun time messing with my emotions or…"

"For that, I believe the safest thing would be to visit Dr. McCoy and allow him to run a diagnostic on you. It may be less serious than suspect, or more."

She nodded slightly. "He's just going to say I'm a hormonal woman and to deal with it…even if he's just trying to annoy me."

"That is likely, but I personally would like assurance that you are alright."

She blushed but smiled. "You old softy…"

He smiled back. "Jim…what happened after my counterpart kissed you?"

"He, uh…ran off. I was stunned for a bit, not something I was expecting."

"The perhaps after your diagnostic you should seek him out and clarify the situation."

"Clarify?"

"Tell him how you feel about it. Whether you wish to pursue such a relationship further or "just be friends"."

She blushed again and looked down. _Pursue a relationship…with Spock? Pursue a __**monogamous **__relationship period? I haven't thought I could do that in years…I'm still not sure I can…I mean, I'm not exactly the ladies man…or mans lady that I once was, but still. Could I? Do I want to?_ She pictured Spock again, tall and stoic, and felt a small fire of warmth inside her. Not many could inspire such a feeling, not even if she was emotionally heightened or whatever it was called. _Does that mean I…_? "Um…wh…what if…I'm not sure which?"

"The discuss that with him as well," he said warmly.


	14. New Developments

Woo, sorry for a bit of a wait, lots of stuff going on after Christmas.

And I forgot to thank Priestess of Nox for providing much of Spock's dialogue, but this chapter and last chapter. So thank you again, dahling XD

I also included some stuff from other members of the crew ;3 Might do more like them later.

Edit: Okay, I fixed that one sentence a lot of people were talking about ^^; I don't use a beta and I'm working on a few other things, including other stories and a book so editing isn't my top priority I'm afraid.

* * *

Spock remained as focused as he could on the scope in front of his face. Maintaining focus was all he could do really, to avoid thinking too long on what had happened yesterday. Alpha shift would be starting soon and he was somewhat grateful for his Vulcan biology in that he didn't require very much sleep. All during the night he had attempted to clear his mind, meditate, sleep, continue his studies, or do anything not to think of his appalling lack of discipline yesterday. His emotions had overcome him and he had…kissed his captain. Truthfully he wanted to do more, to deepen the kiss, hold her close. The temptation had coursed through his veins, his fingers, his body, but when he felt her shock and confusion he forced himself back. He'd forced her to kiss him the human way, lip to lip, and he didn't know if that was worse or better than the caress of their hands.

At thinking of doing both, he quickly forced those emotions down and mentally cursed himself further.

There was a whoosh as the science bay doors opened. From the corner of his eye he saw the others look up and then several began saving their progress as if to leave. They paused as if someone gave them a signal and he felt a familiar presence behind him that he both wanted to turn to and retreat from at once.

"Mr. Spock."

"Captain," he answered, his voice perfectly controlled. That at least he was controlling.

"After Alpha shift, I request your presence at my quarters. There is something which I wish to discuss privately with you," she said calmly.

Spock wanted to decline, but he could find no logical reason to. "Very well, Captain."

"I'll see you on the bridge."

"Yes sir."

She turned and left and Spock wondered if the professional attitude she had exhibited was a good sign of things to come or meant that he had indeed "screwed up".

* * *

Alpha shift seemed all to short before Spock stood and, rather than leave as fast as possible as he wanted, awaited his captain. His face was somber and serious as always as she approached. She looked similarly serious, which was odd and made his stomach clench slightly in what he realized must be what people called apprehension.

Silently they walked through the halls side by side, to the turbo lift and from the lift to Jim's room. The moment they entered and the door shut, he stood rigid and at attention. "Captain, I was remiss in my behavior the other day. I am sorry for taking advantage of the situation and-"

"You didn't take advantage, Spock. Calm down. And you said you'd start calling me Jim more often," she smiled.

Spock blinked and stared. "You are not upset?"

"With you? No. I just…uh…" she blushed now. "Dangit, I had this all rehearsed in my head…I want…well, I'm going just ask, why did you kiss me Spock?"

He blushed and looked away. "I…Jim, please, do not ask me such a thing…"

She stepped up close to him and he tensed. "Then can I ask something else? A favor?"

Earnest blue eyes stared up at him. "…I suppose."

"Kiss me again?"

Dark eyes widened, staring down at her in shock. "What?"

"Kiss me."

"Jim…I…I can't, I-"

She frowned up at him and before he could stop her, she gripped the front of his shirt and pulled herself up, and managing to pull him down just enough in his surprised that she could mesh their lips together. Spock stood rigidly still, eyes wide, keeping his hands at his sides. Jim growled lightly and tried to pull him down more. He didn't budge this time but slowly he began to close his eyes. Hands came up without his will and settled on her hips, fingers molding around them gently. Jim's own hands loosened from his shirt before reaching up to wrap around his neck, pressing closer to him. Spock managed to keep enough control not to move his lips against her, no matter the temptation, though Jim's moved slightly.

She pulled back after a few moments, blushing slightly and looking both surprised and dazed. "Uh, so...I inspire those kind of…emotions in you?" she asked, clearing her throat.

Spock was green around his ears cheeks and to his neck though his expression was as blank as ever. He said nothing but nodded, eyes never leaving her face.

"Ah…"

"I…am sorry…"

"There's nothing to apologize for, Spock." She blushed a little more. "Y-you…um…inspire some…strong emotions in me too."

Spock's eyes widened again. "…truly?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah…But, uh…"

"…It's alright, Jim, you may speak freely."

"…I…I definitely feel something strong for you. Really strong. Something…I really haven't felt before for someone." She felt him relax slightly under her hands and smiled a little. "But…" He tensed again. "Well, it's just…you said Vulcans mate for life?"

He paused before nodding. "Yes…"

"I...I'm not really…that is, my longest… "relationship" I guess you could say was only about a month. I have commitment issues like you wouldn't believe, and infidelity problems, and probably a whole lot of other baggage even if I wasn't gender and sexually confused right now. I…I'm not sure if I could do a monogamous relationship and…I might screw up and…" She looked sad and a little ashamed. "You don't deserve that, Spock…"

Dark eyes that had watched her calculatingly through her words softened and he tilted her face up. "Jim…I knew of your past before my infatuation with you developed. Entering a relationship with you would be my decision, and if I were to get hurt only I would be to blame." His eyes held hers closely. "But I would never be disappointed by being in a relationship with you. Of that I am certain."

Jim reddened quite a bit more, Spock feeling the increase in temperature faintly, and looked away again. It looked like she was trying not to smile. "Wow…who knew you were such a sweet talker…?" His eyebrow arched and she chuckled, then looked worried again. "But seriously, Spock, I'm not the most ideal person to try this with…"

"While I am appreciative of your concern, I find I must say that you give yourself too little credit. Would you say, before you entered star fleet, that you would believe yourself truly responsible enough to captain a starship?"

"Hell no," she said immediately. "I'm pretty sure the very idea would've given most people back in Iowa nightmares…and I definitely thought, until Pike challenged me to do it, I didn't even want to try."

"Then are you certain that you would not be able to commit to a single person?"

She frowned, looking uncertain. "Spock, a zebra can't change its stripes…"

"This is true, but I do not see what a species of equine native to earth has to do with-"

"It's a saying, it means people can't really change."

"I do not find that true. You have become better adjusted, responsible and dare I say mature during your captaincy. Yet, you do maintain your…levity, emotion, and…rebellion to the point some may have difficulty discerning the difference at first glance."

Jim looked up at him in embarrassed shock. "Y…you think I've changed that much?"

"No, not a change really. If I must say, I would think that these are…things within you that were always there were brought forth. And I…admire those qualities, as well as the others I've listed that I usually complain of." He blushed slightly and she smiled.

Jim stared then a smirk slowly bloomed on her face. "You really like me, huh?"

He blushed more and looked away.

"Ah, you're shy…" she grinned. Pushing up on her toes, she kissed his cheek, making him look back at her in surprise.

Blue eyes regarded him warmly at him, though they were also anxious and, if he allowed himself to believe, hopeful. "You think…I could do this?"

Spock's hands, still on her hips, tightened slightly though his eyes were still gentle. "I believe there is an old earth saying, 'Nothing ventured nothing gained'. If…you truly feel this is different from what you have felt before, would you…consider allowing me to court you?"

Jim's eyes widened before narrowed. "You want to _court_ me?" she asked blandly.

"…Would you prefer to court me?"

They widened again, jaw slack. "You want me to _court_ you? Are you serious?"

"Why shouldn't I be? Logically, whether I should court you or you should court me, the desired result would be arrived at, namely us courting."

"Okay, firstly, stop saying 'courting'. I feel like I'm in some sort of old romance novel." A picture of Spock with long hair swept by the wind, an open shirt and a pair of sinfully tight pants flashed through her mind and she tried not to laugh. Or find it hot. "Secondly, I…I'm not sure, I mean…"

"By our cour…pursuing each other, we could both decide if we wish to…take the next step and ensure an indefinitely long relationship."

"…That would mean my not having sex with anyone else…"

Spock's eyebrow twitched, his look cooling. "By definition, yes."

"…What about when I'm a man again? And, I don't mean the no sex, I mean…will you still want to-let's say date -would you still want to date me when I'm a man?"

"Yes," the Vulcan answered readily to her surprise.

"Seriously? But…It's not very logical to date a man. Sex is harder and no kids for example…and I'm not Vulcan."

"True, but I believe that, should our relationship evolve into sexual activity, the difficulties that could arise would be worth the result in the end-"

"Well yeah, this is James T. Kirk you're talking to," she smirked. Spock's lips twitched.

"And as for children…In truth, I have no desire to procreate. My genetics are…not desirable given my mixed heritage."

Jim gaped a moment before frowning and lightly flicking his forehead, to Spock's surprise. Or blink of the eyes. "Spock, don't ever say that again. There is nothing wrong with your genes."

"Many Vulcan's would disagree with you. As such, procreating with a Vulcan female now after our population has become so small is improbable."

"Well, that attitude will probably have to change," she retorted. "Given the…shortage of Vulcans, eventually they'll have to look to other races for procreation anyway."

"…A valid point…"

Jim sighed, but then smiled and brought her hands around to cup his cheeks, smiling more as he blushed but seemed content not to move. "I don't have a problem with your heritage, Spock. You got some good genes, considering I find you pretty damn attractive. Physically and mentally."

He blushed further and Jim smiled. _I have a new hobby I think…_

"…Thank you, Jim. However, I believe I still do not desire children. Currently, I find my duties here on the Enterprise more engaging and desirable to follow. Children could possibly hinder my duties. And should my…genetics be needed, there are other methods by which they may be attained and used."

"Alright…and you don't mind I'm not Vulcan?"

"I prefer it in all honesty. You are…more engaging. Do you…mind that I follow my Vulcan heritage more closely than human?"

She smiled up at him with a knowing quirk of her brow. "I think you follow both pretty well, whether you want to admit it or not. But I don't mind that you work towards being Vulcan. It's who you are. If you did anything else, you wouldn't be you."

There was a smile in his eyes and his hands moved around to hold her gently. "And I feel the same as you being human."

Blushing heavily, she smiled and leaned up to kiss him again gently. This time, though his lips didn't move still, he did press back. She pulled back and looked up at him. "I…I guess I could try this monogamy thing…it's not like I'm the stud I used to be, even before becoming a girl…duties and stuff get in the way and I didn't want to hit on my crew. Uh, I mean, I didn't think it would be good but…since you started it, I…I'd like to try and finish it…or see where it finishes…" _If it finishes…_

Spock leaned down, pressing his forehead against hers. "Are you certain?"

Jim nodded a little, looking into his eyes. "It's worth a shot…but if it doesn't work out, can we still be friends? I don't want to loose your friendship."

"…Yes. I would like that."

She smiled. "Oh, but one thing."

"One thing?"

"Yeah, one thing I want to ask for. Since we're putting a hold on sex, I want to be able to kiss you. Often. Off duty of course. Okay?"

Spock's face greened up again, obviously doing rapid calculations of what would work in his head, but nodded slowly after a while. Standing back a little, Jim blinked when he reached down and molded her hand till two of her fingers, her index and middle, extended with the rest curled in. He pressed his corresponding fingers to hers and she felt that tingle that always seemed to come when those fingers touched her race up her arm.

Quietly, barely above a whisper, he said. "This is how Vulcan's kiss."

Jim stared at his face, then down at their fingers, then back up at him and smiled. "It tingles…" She said quietly. Then a look of realization came to her face. "That time…Did you run out cause of our hands?"

Spock greened again before looking away. "Yes. That…On Vulcan, that would've been most inappropriate."

Jim smirked again. "Oh really? Well, I liked it. It felt nice." He blushed even more but she saw his lips twitch. Jim smiled and leaned up to kiss the corner of his mouth. "I like that too. I say more of both, and often."

Spock's eyes softened and he leaned down, kissing her forehead. "While I am…content to stay here and discuss our relationship further, I should return to my duties. We are close to the reversal for your predicament. I do...want to see your proper form again."

Jim grinned and he blushed slightly. "Wow, you do like my manly body too…"

"Perhaps…though of course, I also do not relish the idea of changing all your paper work if you are not changed soon."

She pouted at him but it became a smile again a moment later. "Alright. You had better make this monogamy thing worth it though."

Spock's brow twitched but his eyes looked amused. "Indeed."

Grinning, Jim gave him another quick kiss. "Chess later?"

Spock nodded and gave her hand a squeeze before leaving. She watched him go before sitting on the bed, her mind reeling back over what had just happened.

_I'm dating Spock…_ A year ago he would've thought the idea was crazy. If anyone had told him this would happen, he either would've laughed at them and had them committed, or violently dispute it. Now he had a feeling he was rather doomed to monogamy since the idea was making his stomach do pleasant rotations.

* * *

The science team were, as other less scientific people and beings would say, weirded out. They had come to know their head officer's mood and routine rather well over the last year. Spock was reserved, but in order to keep on their toes they had done their best to observe and figure out the tiniest signs to his mood, more specifically a bad mood. Stiff shoulders and back and tight lips meant he was on guard, more than likely from whatever trouble the captain had gotten in recently. That was the mood they had to watch out for and be careful about added to his bad humor.

This…was different however. Outwardly, to the untrained eye, he looked the same. But his walk was more leisurely, his posture slightly relaxed. There was less tension around his face, though they couldn't tell if he was feeling anything other than simple relaxation. But one thing was certain, Commander Spock was in a good mood.

And it was weird.

Scotty however smiled to himself and leaned back in his chair after Spock had visited him for status reports. He had a feeling for a while there was something between the captain and first officer, even before the first officer became a "comely lass". And Scotty, though he would never say so outright, was a sucker for romance. Getting the two together though was a difficult problem, more so than quantum physics and mechanics combined. At first he had worked to get them to go on missions together to try and bond. It worked well enough to get them to be friends finally, but for a long time there was no progression beyond that. It was rather annoying.

Then the Captain had been turned into a girl.

Scotty had to admit, Jim was hot as a girl. He had been quite tempted to pursue her himself, but then Spock had called a ship wide meeting, addressing them all in stages without the captain present, about what would happen if anyone "took advantage" of the captain's current state and attempted a sexual relation. Needless to say, he and the rest of the crew valued their jobs, sanity, and physical well being too much to attempt it.

Many had wondered why Scotty was grinning so widely after the announcement. However, Scotty had a distinct feeling there was a protective, possessive edge to Spock's warning that told him maybe something would happen soon. And for the last month he'd seen Spock being almost doting to his newly female Captain.

When he saw them playing chess together on the observation deck through secrurity footage when he was passing by the security station it was really just a moment of opportune inspiration. He distracted the security officer by offering to watch as he got a refill on his coffee and did some quick reworking so he could see the feed on his communicator. Heading back to engineering, he watched and waited. Waiting grew boring though so when they started their third game, he went ahead and disabled the main stabilizers that kept them steady and gave the ship a little shack with his thruster overrides. The captain immediately commed him to complain, but another little shake and he had his desired results. He turned off the cast and leaned back, feeling rather smug.

Until he found out the Jim and Spock were fighting for some unknown reason. He half panicked, wonder if it was his fault, and had been quickly trying to figure a way to fix it before he saw the mood Spock was in today. For a Vulcan, he looked happy and Scotty grinned, figuring that something had indeed finally happened.

* * *

"I'm telling you, it can't happen," Sulu said again.

"And I'm telling you it vill!" Chekov responded with a fold of his arms. "Keptin and Mr. Spock hab been making the eyes at each other for a long, long time. Before Keptin Kirk became a vomen."

"Pavel, they can barely stand each other most of the time."

"Vhile vorking maybe, but off time they get along wery vell!"

"Oh?"

"Da, they play chess together! And chess is the game of seduction!"

Sulu arched his eyebrows. "You can't be serious."

"I am! Think about it. It is all about a tall, _erect_ king that you must take down using strategy."

Sulu flushed a little, trying hard not to find it sexy when his friend said erect that way. "Let me guess, it's a Russian invention?"

"Of course! And all the best players come from Russia."

"Really?"

"Da. Because…" Was that a seductive gleam in his eye? "All the best lowers come from Russia."

Sulu blushed even more and his mouth worked soundlessly for a moment.

Chekov laughed. "Ah, I am joking, Hikaru. You do not need to look so shocked. I am a man you know. I am eighteen, not sewenteen anymore, and I still have such ideas and thoughts as any grown man."

"Uh, yeah…of course…just you know, you're still such a baby face." He pinched his friend's cheek to emphasize his point.

"Ah, stop zat!" He batted his hand away indignantly. "You should not treat me like little kid. It is insulting to my intelligence."

"Of course, sorry. But I still think you're wrong. I can see the Captain and Mr. Spock as friends, but…that way? Nah. I mean, not that I have anything against the captain but he's…well, you know, a player. And Spock seems like the kind to settle down."

"He and Lt. Uhura did not settle down."

"Shhh!" He looked over at Uhura who was busy talking with some of the other girls in the mess. "Yeah, but if something's not right you can't expect him to settle down. Neither of them would've been happy."

"Well, perhaps the Keptin had never found the right one either."

"And Mr. Spock could be his "right one"."

"Vhy not? Stranger things have happened."

"I can't argue with that considering the kind of stuff we get into…"

"I think it is wery romantic."

Sulu arched his eyebrows. "You like romantic stuff?"

"Da. I think it is nice to think that eweryone has someone who vill be there for them, take care of them, depend on them, and to make them happy and cheer them vhen they are sad. It vould be nice."

"…Yeah, that does sound pretty nice."

Chekov smiled. "That, and you would always hawve someone to go to bed with."

Sulu blushed again. "Pavel!"

Chekov laughed again then smiled. "I make you bet then?"

"A bet?"

"Da. If we find out that Keptin and Mr. Spock are together, you must do one fawor for me no matter vhat it is."

"Alright…and if I win and we find out they aren't?"

"I will do one fawor for you, no mater vhat it is."

Sulu smirked. "Okay, it's a bet."

* * *

Hope it was worth the wait :3 I figured having them wait for the physical stuff would be best. But I have plans…


	15. Two Stones at One Bird

So sorry for the wait! School has begun again and it is eating up far too much of my time :( Hopefully this was worth the wait and I'll be able to get the next one out sooner.

* * *

Jim was tennis shooting between anxiety, disbelief, confusion, and something he was afraid to call content happiness over the new predicament with Spock. The mood swings she had complained of to the elder Spock were in full swing apparently, but she still thought she had a good reason. This sort of thing had never really occurred to him, not since he was young. But here he was, entering an exclusive relationship. With a man no less. Granted, he was a woman at the moment as well, but somehow that seemed less remarkable at the moment.

On the bridge she found her eyes straying to him every now and then, though she was proud that she focused mainly on the duties of the captain and not his large manly back-

_And I was doing so well…_

Once he caught her gaze and she quickly turned away, trying to act like she was working. Mentally she cursed herself for acting like she was some middle school girl with a crush. It didn't help she had a headache again. They were coming more frequently it seemed. She would get one or two the last couple of weeks, twinges and pain through her head, then down her body to rest somewhere else. They got stronger, then disappeared entirely till another day. Now they were coming more often than she cared to admit, along with the odd emotions that she still thought her femininity was to blame for.

About half way through the afternoon a transmission came in, but she was surprised when Councilman Rangere's face came on screen.

"Captain Kirk, lovely to see you again." Jim didn't see Spock's slight eyebrow twitch since she was still staring at the Urellian's purple feline face.

"Uh, you too Councilman…I'm sorry, but this screen is meant for official Starfleet business, not social calls."

"This is Stafleet business," another voice said. Admiral Archer appeared on screen, looking a little more relaxed, yet somehow more on edge if that was possible.

"Admiral…"

"Captain Kirk. Sorry to call you again so soon, but we were hoping you could return to Uriel? ASAP."

"Why?"

"Well…"

"There's been an attempt on my life," Rangere said. "A rather serious one. Luckily, Admiral Archer was there and managed to get me out of the way, but…several of my staff were injured, and two were killed, as well as three of the Admiral's men."

Jim frowned in genuine sympathy. It was never easy loosing someone who was part of your team. It had been one of the first hurdles he had to face as Captain when a mission went wrong and he lost two good men of his own. "I'm sorry to hear that. You want us to come provide back up till this is cleared up?"

"Yes, you are the closest ship in the vicinity still. By our calculations your only about a day away," Archer said.

"Yeah, no other pressing missions have come through. We'll be there as soon as possible. Keep out of trouble till we get there, alright Rangere?"

Rangere smiled. "Of course."

"Kirk out." The screen went black and she had Sulu turn the ship around to head back to Uriel. Sighing, she relaxed back and smiled, knowing the shift would be over soon.

* * *

In the evening Spock returned when his last shift was over, ringing the bell to Jim's room. She opened the door and grinned up at him.

"Hey Spock. Here for chess?"

"Indeed, Captain….Jim."

She grinned more and stepped aside for him to enter. "Getting used to that?"

"Not entirely, but I believe I shall adapt to it soon enough."

"Think you'll adapt to this?" she asked as she pushed herself up and kissed his cheek. He flushed a gentle green.

"That…shall take some time to adapt to."

Jim chuckled and led him to the chessboard already set up. They sat down across from one another, Jim still smiling. Mostly she was happy that Spock was there in the first place after all the scares the last couple of days that he would never be back.

"I have some advantageous news."

"Oh?" Jim asked, moving a pawn out.

"We will have a reversal for you by tomorrow afternoon," he said, moving one of his own pawns out.

"Seriously? Awesome! It'll be good to be myself again."

"Indeed. I too…"

"You miss my male body?" she purred, making another move.

"…Yes. It was your male body I was first attracted too, I believe."

Jim blinked and then smiled. "Good to know. I'd have been worried if it was only once I was a woman."

Spock's lip twitched slightly. "Of course not, Captain. To be attached to this form would be foolish, since you will return to your proper form soon enough."

"Damn straight."

They made a few more moves before Spock spoke again. "So…we are returning to Uriel?"

"Yeah, Rangere and Archer asked us to and we are only about a day away. Less now of course."

"Of course…"

"Something bothering you?"

"No, Jim."

"Uh huh…C'mon, Spock. The secret to a good relationship is communication. At least that's what I'm told."

Spock paused another moment before looking up. "I find…the idea of you interacting with Councilman Rangere again distasteful."

Jim blinked. "Rangere? I would've thought you'd be worried about Archer."

"No, I believe Admiral Archer is will be in a better mood to deal with others, or at least us when we arrived."

"…You gave him a talking to?" Black eyes looked up in surprise and Jim smiled. "I guessed. You usually seem confident about that sort of thing when you handle it yourself."

"Indeed. I told him not to attempt to pick unnecessary fights. After all, we must have a functional working relationship."

"…Is that the only reason why you did it?"

"…No. I also found, from your resetation of the events, his conduct as an Admiral and man deplorable and sought to ensure he would not overstep his grounds again."

Jim smiled a little, taking that as "he insulted you and I told him where to shove it". She wasn't sure if she should be as flattered as she felt for it since she was in no way incapable of taking care of herself though. "But you have a problem with Rangere?"

She didn't need an answer, since his lack of one supplied it.

"Spock, Rangere was a gentleman to me, very nice and friendly."

"Indeed…"

_Oh…Oh! _She did smile a little now. _He was jealous and is worried I'll like Rangre's attention more…_ "Spock, you did hear me say I wanted to date you, right?"

"Affirmative."

"And I know to try and make this work for both of us, that means I don't go with anyone else. I've taken it as a personal challenge to make sure we…uh, have a long relationship. I like you that much." Spock blushed a little, eyes staring in hidden surprise. "And I never take a challenge lying down. It's how I got into Starfleet. And…I can't imagine being anywhere else. With anyone else but you-a-and the rest of the crew of course…but, since I've taken this as a challenge and I…really hope that the rewards will be as great, I'm not going to give up at the first sign of a willing male, okay?"

"…I understand, Captain." He sounded somewhat pleased she thought and she smiled back. "I promise you as well, I will not attempt a relationship with another."

"I never had a worry about that, Spock."

"…"

"…Did…Uhura worry about that?"

"I would prefer not to discuss that, Captain."

"Okay, I understand, that's between you and her. I just…you two split up on good terms, right?"

"…For the most part, yes. There were some issues that caused us some negative feelings, but in the end we agreed that terminating our relationship was the best course of action to preserve our friendship and a stable working environment."

"I see…"

"…If the same problems should arise…we will discuss it then."

"…I can agree to that. No sense trying to burn a bridge we haven't come to yet."

"I see no sense in burning a means of faster travel at all."

"Earth saying, never mind," she laughed. "But really, I like Rangere, but I'm not going to jump him since we've decided to give this a shot. …Wow…"

"You express surprise?"

"Yeah…a year ago I don't think I would've passed it up so easily…"

"You have changed much, but I say again I believe you to be the same at the core of who you were the first time we met."

"You mean when I beat your Kobayashi Maru?"

"Cheated the Kobayashi Maru. But yes. You are the same brash, impertinent, fearless being who tried to defy all. You have merely begun learning subtlety and…matured."

"Like wine or milk?"

"Vulcan's do not use such analogies unless explaining facts and theories to beings of lesser intelligence. But if you insist…"

Jim laughed, because she knew that was Spock's way of teasing without teasing.

The game continued for a while before, gentle conversation between them when they weren't thinking of the best way to out do the other. Now and then Jim would rub against her head, feeling another odd twinge there, or pinching pain in her body. It was annoying, and a little distracting, but she pushed it to the back of her mind and focused on Spock and the game. In the end Spock won, though barely. He rose gracefully afterwards. "I am sorry Jim, but I should return to my research so that I may get more done."

"And have more time for "courting"?" she asked with a smile. He blushed and she giggled, standing. "Alright…but I want a kiss goodbye. Part of our agreement."

He blushed more, hesitating a moment before stepping forward and leaning down to gently press his lips to hers. Jim smiled into the kiss and reached out, taking his hand and pressing their fingers together. The same tingle went through her fingers and she shivered, any pain forgotten. She felt Spock tense and then relax as she kept the pressure gentle with her fingers, but pressed a little with her lips. After a moment she pulled back, smiling up at him. "How is it we keep this simple but it still feels…really good?" she asked quietly, not really meaning for it to come out She really was wondering that. This was the tamest James Kirk had been in years, yet it felt weirdly good.

Spock blushed again and Jim grinned, liking how she was getting good at making the Vulcan a little greener even unintentionally. "Perhaps it is because we were…close before, and are getting closer."

"You think being friends first helped?" He nodded. "Maybe…It would explain why I like you so much. Never dated a friend before, always sounded too awkward. Seems to be working so far."

Spock's eyes looked amused and, dare she think, happy. "I believe further analysis is required, Captain."

"I believe you are right, Mr. Spock." She gave him another kiss, wincing faintly at twinge through her head.

"Jim, is something wrong?" Spock asked, pulling back to look down at her.

"No," she replied automatically. Spock gaze turned cool and she pouted up at him. "Okay, I have a headache."

"I felt that."

"You wha…" she looked down at their hands still together. "Oh right, touch telepaths…"

"You've been feeling pain for sometime?" Spock said, a tiny bit of accusation in his eyes.

"Just on and off the last few days. Really, I'm fine."

"…There is something else."

"Wha-stop that!" she let go of his hand, glaring at him. "I don't appreciate having my mind poked around in."

"I did not intrude into your mind. These are merely surface thoughts, barest hints that come to me at casual contact. And…hand to hand contact is a bit stronger. But not much."

"Uh huh…"

"Jim, is something troubling you?"

She sighed quietly, trying not to smile. A day into their dating and he was already fretting over her. James was pretty sure this was a Vulcan fretting anyway. Normally he found it annoying when someone babied him, but with Spock it felt rather nice. Maybe because she knew very few got any attention like this from the Vulcan Science Chief. "I've been having the headaches, some body aches, and a little difficulty with my emotions. Kind of like…before, but different too. And I'm not…you know, at that time again, thank god."

Spock's mouth twitched downward a centimeter. "Perhaps you should visit Dr. McCoy…"

"Huh, you said the same thing…" An eyebrow ticked and she chuckled. "Uh, never-"

"You are referring to my alternate self?"

"…you know about him?"

"Affirmative. He is the one that…helped to convince me that returning to the enterprise was the best course of action."

"…I'm half angry and half thankful to him…"

"Angry?"

"He convinced me something bad would happen if you two met!"

"Ah…yes, he allowed you to infer that." Spock looked amused. "He said it was to ensure that we would learn to depend on each other."

"…Less angry…"

"But he said you should visit Dr. McCoy as well?"

"Yeah, I told him about the mood swings…not the headaches though. I called him to…get advice on what to do with you. He encouraged me to give it a shot."

"…I for one am most gratified to him then."

Jim smiled and kissed him quickly.

"Go see Dr. McCoy."

She pouted, though eyes narrowing at the command.

"…Please."

* * *

Chekov returned to his shared bunk with Sulu, grinning. "I just saw Commander Spock leawing the Keptin's quarters."

"It's their chess night. They usually play in the Captain's quarters," Sulu retorted. "Doesn't mean anything."

"But he looked wery happy." Sulu arched an eyebrow. "Alright, he looked same as ewer, but I svear he was relaxed and had pleasant gleam in his eye."

"He probably beat the Captain."

"Da, beat him…I'm sure Keptin is pleased to have been 'beaten' too," he said with a smirk.

"Not what I meant!" Sulu was getting surprised how perverted the little blonde, 'oh I'm as innocent as kittens with bows around their necks' Chekov could really be. "Anyway, you'll have to get a heck of a lot more evidence if you want to win that bet."

"Vat kind of ewidence?"

"Mmm…some kind of public display of affection?"

"…Mr. Spock is a Wulcan…"

"True…But we'll need some kind of proof of romance or just friends…"

"Ve vill figure it out then."

"You're eager…"

"I hab a wery important fawor."

"Important fawor-I mean favor?"

"Dah. You vill not know till I vin."

"That's not reassuring to me…"

* * *

"Jim, what is it now?" McCoy groused.

"Nice to see you too, Bones. I'm just here for a check up."

"…You? Came willingly for a check-up?"

She rolled her eyes. "Yes. Spock's insistence."

McCoy's eyes widened before his hands flew up as if warding her away. "Nah uh! No!"

Jim frowned. "Bones? What's wrong?"

"I don't want to be checking you up after…whatever funky Vulcan mating shit you two did!"

There was silence for a moment before an amused smirk stretched her lips. "What?"

"Hey, I took him to your room to kiss and make up and gave him protection, I don't need to know what happened afterwards!"

Jim gaped then. "You did what?!"

"…He didn't use protection?!"

"No, you southern-fried idiot! Nothing happened!"

He stared, looking a bit like an owl. "Nothing happened?"

"No…well, yes, but nothing that far!"

"…I'm lost."

"I am too, start from the beginning," the captain said.

Bones told about how he'd called in Spock to give him a stern talking to about hurting Jim, making her grimace slightly at being treated like some little girl with a broken heart. Evidently though Bones actually deduced that Spock had romantic feelings for her, and he had already deduced that Jim felt the same. Jim gaped at him at that, incredulous that the doctor had known before she did.

"You cried, Jim. I have pretty much never seen you cry…except the couple weeks after the entire Narada incident, but that was different. I figured the only reason you would cry is if you really, really cared about that green blooded jackass. At first I thought it was the friendly way, but then I wondered…"

Jim blushed a little and glared. "You're a doctor, not a matchmaker Bones."

"You don't have to tell me that! But I wasn't going to let you both pussyfoot around this whole thing forever and drive us all up the wall, so I just…took him to your room, overrode the lock and shoved him in there. With a condom, just in case."

"…Vulcan's mate for life."

Bones' eyes widened. "…Okay, that I didn't know."

"I figured. In a way, you just tried to marry me off."

"Ugh, don't say stuff like that…But nothing happened?"

"No. Except…"

"Do I want to know?"

"We're dating."

The doctor stared again before rubbing his ears. "Did I hear you right? _You_ are dating _Spock_?"

"Yes, I am."

"…Actually, _you_ are _dating_?"

"Shut your up. But yes, I'm dating."

"…"

"Before you ask why, I'm not entirely sure myself. But I like him. A lot. And Vulcan's mate for life so…I figured dating would be the best way for us to figure out if we want to…go that far."

"…You're dating with the possibility of _marriage_?! Dear god, hell has a coldfront coming in."

Jim glared at him. "Bones, you pushed us together."

"I was mostly figuring a night of sexual release and you two would be fine again, not hooking you up for a long haul!"

"…So…you tried to pimp me?!"

"No, not what I meant!"

"That's what it sounded like!" she said, her voice climbing higher and louder. "Do you honestly think I work all my problems out through sex?! Is that what you think of me?"

"No! I just thought it was a physical attraction!" She glared more and he sighed. "I'm sorry, alright? I don't think you work your problems like that. You are, and always were, way to smart for your own good and could solve your problems anyway you want. Including hacking computers, actually studying, and punching people. Sex is often the last thing you try or need to do to solve a problem."

"…I'm going to choose to take that as a compliment. It is cause of you we're together."

"…I'm not sure how I feel about that…"

Jim rolled her eyes. "So, can you just give me a damn check up then?"

"What do you need one for?"

"Weird moods and some headaches that move into body aches sometimes."

"Do the weird moods include deciding to date your stick up his ass second in command?"

"Bones…"

"Alright, alright. You sure it's not…you know."

"No, it's not my period."

"Alright. Sit down and I'll get my tricorder."

She sat on one of the beds and he brought the tricorder over, scanning her slowly from top to bottom. The tricorder beeped when he was done and he frowned slightly.

"What?"

"Well…you do have some odd chemical levels in your brain…and throughout some parts of your body too…"

"Odd chemical levels?"

"Yeah…could be nothing…but I'd like to take some samples to work with."

"Do you have to?"

"Jim," he growled.

"Okay, fine." She held out her arm and he got a blood drawing hypo, using it to take a couple samples of her blood from various places.

"Let me do a more thorough scan of your brain too."

"As long as you don't use a hypo near it, fine."

"Big baby…"

"Hypo nazi."

She laid down as bones used a special scanner for her head and took the chip from it to put into his computer. "We'll be at Uriel soon…I suppose I can't convince you not to go down till I figure this out?"

"Afraid not, duty calls." He made a sound in the back of his through and Jim smiled. "Spock will be with me if anything goes wrong."

"Uh huh, that's reassuring, what with who know what going after that councilman guy. First thing was a roadside bomb, for godsake! Who knows what'll be next and you gotta depend on him…"

"Bones, you-"

"I pushed you together, I know. I kind of wish I hadn't."

"…I'm glad you did though." She stood and walked over, giving him a gentle hug that really surprised him. "Thanks. I need to go get ready now, I'll talk to you later." She headed off again and he stared after before looking back at the computer.

"…I got a bad feeling…"


	16. Temptation

Once again, school is keeping me from valuable writing time -____- But extra long chapter for your patience.

Also, I have a couple of other stories I'm now outlining and will hopefully have the first few parts written soon. I hope you'll enjoy them as much as this one :3

* * *

Jim blinked awake when the bell to his door sounded off, sitting up and yawning. He looked at the time and it was just minutes before he had to get up, so he decided to be generous and not smack whoever it was at the door that was waking him-her-up. Standing, she headed to the door and opened it. "Whaddya want?"

Uhura stood there, smiling, and Jim arched her eyebrows. "Good morning captain."

"Uh…good morning, Lt. Uhura…can I help you?"

"Actually…I'm here to help you." She held up a bag and Jim felt the blood drain from her face.

"No! Never again!" she tried to shut the door but Uhura was not only talented with languages, but she was also damn good at karate. Jim was expertly shoved back and Uhura made it through the door before it could shut her out.

"Captain, your meeting with Councilman Rangere again today, right? If you're wearing your female uniform again, you'll need a touch up." This was all said sweetly, but the blonde woman knew this was pay back for all those times she —as a he— had stared at her legs and other assets on the bridge or elsewhere.

"I'm not though!"

Uhura did look surprised at that. "But I thought this was part of your "negotiations"."

Jim blushed a little but stood, pulling the shirt she had slept in a down as if to straighten herself. The effect was lost seeing that the shirt had "Main Thrusters to Full" with the silhouette of a well proportioned woman on it. It was a gag gift, but comfy to sleep in at least. "Negotiations are done, no need for it."

"Oh? I thought you liked Rangere."

"I do, but…uh, things change."

Uhura arched her eyebrows.

"…" She finally sighed and sat on the bed again. "Look, I…I'm not going to try and entice Rangre for anything or any reason. I don't want to. And…well, there's someone else that wouldn't like that either…"

Uhura stared for a moment before sitting down with a grin. "You?"

"Why do you sound so surprised…?"

"I don't know, maybe because the first time I met you, you were trying to get into my pants, then started a bar fight-"

"Okay, Cupcake was the one that started that, not me."

"Cup…oh right…Point taken, but still, you were in a bar fight, then you joined Starfleet the next day and proceeded to become a campus legend for one of the biggest players in campus history."

"…You can't believe everything you hear?" She gave her a flat look and the grin Jim had tried to foist deflated. "Okay, yeah, I got around a lot, but I can change."

"I do believe that…but I'm wondering is this change because of your, ahem, other changes?"

"No. I thought maybe at first, but…I really think I want this to work. I…want an actual relationship. Which is weird for me, and I'm freaked out like you wouldn't believe but…"

"But you think it's worth it?"

"I hope it is. I mean, I hope it works out and I don't manage to screw everything up…"

"You're plans have an annoying tendency to succeed even when we all think they should fail. I'm sure you'll be fine."

Jim smiled at her a little.

"What about your special someone though? You got her like this, sure she's not…"

"Um…It's not a she."

"Ooooh…Well, sure he's not going to miss this body?"

"He said he…likes me as a man too. And he doesn't lie about this kind of stuff."

Uhura smiled. "Well, I'm happy for you. And I hope you can make it work. But you know, I'm sure your man would like to see you in the skirt again…"

"You just want an excuse to wax my legs again..."

"Unless you got sasquatch genes, you shouldn't need waxing again this soon sweety."

"Don't call me sweety, I am still a man on the inside…"

She chuckled. "All I have in here are make up and hair supplies. C'mon, I'll make you look hot enough your man will be all over you."

"…I doubt it…but I guess dressing up just once more won't hurt…except the shoes. No more heels for me."

"Amen sister. Now, hair first. Just a little combing really, and hairspray. She took out the comb and started to go through it, styling it carefully.

"…Uhura, you promise not to be mad?"

"About what?"

"…It's Spock," she said quietly.

"Huh?"

"Spock, that…that's who I'm…trying to date."

"…you and Spock?"

"Yeah…" Jim gulped, keeping her eyes down.

"…Huh…"

"…That's all you have to say? Huh?"

"What, did you expect me to get all righteous on you, farm boy? Jealous ex?"

Jim pouted at her. "Well…I mean…"

"Kirk…Jim, Spock and I, we split up on good terms. Both of us thought it was best." She sighed slightly, the combing slowing. "Do I wish it had gone differently sometimes? Yeah. But after the Narada thing…Well, really, I think what we had was brought on by _need._ I liked Spock a lot, as a teacher and a friend. And I'll admit, I had tried to flirt with him while at the academy. Flirting with a Vulcan is not easy, I'll warn you."

Jim chuckled. "I've noticed…"

She smiled and set the comb aside. "When we came out of warp to see…all the ships that were destroyed and knowing…knowing how many of my friends were gone…I just felt alone. I really didn't know anyone on the ship well enough besides Spock. And then Vulcan…I knew we were both feeling lost and alone. I thought maybe we wouldn't feel so alone if we were together. And for a while, that's how it was. It was good, for a while…

"Eventually though, I started to feel alone even when we were together. Any passion we had kind of…faded. And we just weren't compatible like that anymore. Finally I just asked him one day "Do you think it's logical for two people to stay together when they don't feel happy?""

"What did he say to that?"

Uhura smiled. " 'I am content in your presence, Uhura.' I told him that's not what I wanted. He said he understood and had similar ideals. All very Vulcan of him." She took the hairspray and covered Jim's eyes as she sprayed it. "…I kind of knew he was looking at someone else. He didn't realize it yet himself though."

Jim pulled her hand away, trying not to look really upset. "Wait, he already had his eye on someone?" Uhura smirked at her and Jim blinked before straightening, feeling a flush come to her cheeks. "You mean…?"

"Uh huh. Just a few subtle things, but I started to wonder after we broke it off."

"I…honestly had no clue. Even if I got good at reading him, he never let on…I didn't even know I thought of him that way till…"

"Till what?"

"It…I'm not sure. We, uh…our hands touched…" Uhura's eyebrows went up. _Ah, she does know what that means…_ "It was an accident, but…it kind of tingled and felt good…" _It felt familiar,_ she added silently. She was pretty sure Uhura knew nothing of the other Spock. Though the feeling from her Spock was different from him. A good kind of different. " And then he started being a jackass and trying to avoid me, and we got angry at each other…"

"That explains some things…" She took up a make up brush and started brushing some foundation onto Jim's face. "You're skin is so nice…"

"Thanks. But, uh…I kind of realized I liked…Spock touching me. And then I realized that I liked him being around…and his dry sense of humor that took me forever to figure out at first, but then it was like I always knew when he was playing me…And his subtle way of telling people to fuck off with big words that just confuse the hell out of them. That's pretty awesome. Not to mention he could pick me up not problem. That's hot."

Uhura chuckled. "Yeah, sounds like you like him quite a bit."

"I wouldn't be "dating" him if I didn't. I'm still a little freaked about that."

"I'd like to say I know you can do it…"

"I know, it's hard to say with my history. But I…really like Spock. And a lot has already changed. Though some won't be permanent," she grinned. "I should be back to my old self right after this mission."

"Minus the philandering if your dating Spock." Uhura suddenly leaned in and smiled in a way that made the hairs on the back of Jim's neck stand up in surrender. "Or I guarantee, you won't be getting any afternoon, evening, or midnight delights as long as you live."

"Uh…I take that as "You break his heart, you'll regret it?""

"You are smart." She took up an eyeliner pencil and started outlining her lid. "…But really, don't hurt him, okay?"

"I understand. Trust me, I understand…"

* * *

Spock waited outside the transporter room and straightened when Jim walked out of the transporter. She was once again dressed in her female officer's uniform, though now she sported a par of comfortable looking black boots than the heels from before, which made an eyebrow rise in amusement till he took in her face that was again done in flattering make-up. She smiled at him as she walked over.

"Mr. Spock. Are you ready to beam down to try and figure out a way to reverse this little diplomatic situation?"

"Indeed, Captain. …you once again look very appealing. Councilman Rangere will no doubt enjoy your appearance."

Jim smirked and moved past him to the transporter. "Who says it's for him?"

Spock's eyebrow ticked before there was a slight twitch to his lips and he followed.

Down on Uriel, they and the other ensigns they brought along from the security team walked back up the steps to the council chambers, Spock walking beside his captain though she needed no help now. At the top, another of Rangere's secretaries met them and led them inside where the councilman and Archer were seated waiting for them.

Rangere smiled and stood when she walked in, going over to actually hug Jim. "Captain Kirk, it is a pleasure to see you again, even if it hasn't been long."

Jim could see Spock straighten slightly and smiled, patting Rangere on the back as she stepped back. "You too. I'm sorry about the circumstances though."

"Of course, of course, I meant no disrespect to the memories of my men or Archer's men. I owe them and Archer my life, and I wish such horrible things could've been avoided." He smiled. "But I am happy to see you."

Jim smiled, and did her best to make sure it wasn't flirty. "Thank you. But we should get to business to make sure no one else gets hurt. Except maybe the other guys."

Rangere laughed and pulled out a chair for her, pushing her in gently. Spock sat beside her as the councilman took his own seat once again.

"What information can you give us about the situation thus far?" the Vulcan asked.

"I believe this attack to be the cause of some rather outspoken protestors. I shall be up for reelection by the public soon, and I have made my stance on several platforms very clear, and many do not like it. I believe they hope to make me an example. I have received many threats over my time as a councilman, and there have been a few thwarted attempts on my life, but never something as extreme as this."

"Alright…anyone you know of who would do something this extreme?"

"None who would be free, most protestors of this nature should be locked up."

" 'Should be' is the key phrase there. Start by pulling anyone with records of this sort of violence and look up to see if they've had any visitors."

"Way ahead of you, Captain," Archer said. "We're investigating, but so far all the visitors have been immediate family with no real red flags for suspicious activity."

"Hey, I don't put anything past little old grannies, they can be surprisingly dastardly."

Archer's lips twitched in a wry smile before he pushed a file over. "Be our guest to look them over as well."

"Do we yet know the composition of the explosive?" Spock asked.

Archer slid another file over to him. "Figured you'd want that. Some of the council scientists wrote the common places to get the materials here as well."

"Very thorough, my thanks."

"Not a problem."

Jim flipped through the report he was handed, pondering. Several relatives of some of the prisoners worked in farming, agriculture, and machinery, all of which gave them access to chemicals that could create high intensity explosives. He would know, he'd often experimented with things like that in Iowa, making homemade explosives and fireworks when he was younger. When he'd started a brush fire though, he'd decided to not become a pyro.

He wrote there names down and handed them to Archer. "Double check these people, they would have access to things at hand for explosives. If not them specifically, maybe someone else close to them, friends of the prisoners or just those with similar groups, who would be able to lean on them for supplies."

Archer nodded slightly, looking over the list.

Spock held another paper out. "I believe these attempted assassins are smarter than you may have thought. Several of these chemicals were placed in as lures to confuse your forensic scientists, to make the actual composition harder to decipher. I believe I have figured it out, if you look them over alongside the captain's list you should find more leads."

Archer and Rangere looked surprised before Archer took the other list, looking over it. "Alright, we'll get on it…"

Jim's eyes glanced over at Spock, smiling slightly with pride in her First Officer. Spock sat a little straighter, though no emotion comes to his face.

"Then we have some new investigations to initiate…" Rangere confirmed. "Commander Spock, would you care to visit the forensics labs? The council hall is also the sheriff's office and the labs are stationed here as well. We prefer to keep things that are interconnected in the same area or even building."

"I'm sure that makes things much easier when working between departments. I would be most gratified to look over the findings from the blast site myself, thank you."

"And if the Captain would like, I would be most honored to show her around our facility so that she may become familiar with it, and then she may see the blast site."

"Thank you, I'd appreciate that."

Rangere smiled and stood. "We will escort Commander Spock to the forensics labs first."

"I'm gonna go start running the directives for these guys. I'll talk to you all later." Archer stood and headed out on his own.

Rangere offered his hand to Jim and she smiled, taking it lightly as she stood. Spock straightened just a little again but she didn't look at him. They headed out of the room and down a few halls till they came to a reasonably equipped lab. Spock looked a few of them over before turning. "I mean no disrespect, but the Enterprise has machines that could give some more detailed analyses of certain compositions. Would it be alright if I sent them a few copies?"

"By all means, if it will help."

Spock nodded and began gathering things. Jim walked over, setting a hand on his shoulder. "I'm going on that tour with Rangere. Call me if anything crops up, or you need me."

"Of course, Captain. …"

"I'll be fine, Spock." She smiled and whispered under the hum of the machinery but this close he could hear her. "You're not getting rid of me that easily, I promised I'd be giving monogamy a try. So that means no flirting. …well, serious flirting, I might still compliment him and stuff to stay on his good side. Wouldn't want another interstellar incident, right?"

"Indeed Captain, you have enough on your record already."

"Touche, Spock."

"I'm not familiar with that jargon."

"I'll explain it later. You keep out of trouble too."

"I will endeavor to do my best, Captain."

Jim straightened and headed back to Rangere. Spock didn't frown when the Councilman's hand came up to rest at the small of her back, no matter how the small inkling to inside him tried to pull at his mouth.

* * *

"You're Council Hall is very nice, Rangere."

"Thank you, we put quite a bit of effort into it."

"I can see."

Rangere smiled. "I need to pick up something from my office before we head down the hill, if that's alright?"

"Councilman, I'm not sure it's a good idea if you go down with me. It is your life that's in danger, you'd be safer up here."

"I refuse to hide behind walls when there are things I have to do. A few guards disguised as civilians will escort us from an undiscriminating distance, I have dressed down, and of course I will be in your capable hands."

Jim smirked a little. "I suppose saying 'Please' won't work on you?"

"I'm afraid not."

"Of course. You and I are too much alike."

"A comparison I'm happy to hear about. Now, allow me to pick up those items and we may be on our way."

They entered his office again, Jim admiring the décor once more, before she was surprised by Rangere's strong, paw-like hand drift a little further down on her back. "Uh, Councilman, you might watch your hand there…"

"Yes, I am watching. I rather like where it's going."

_Oh great, he's being forward now…_ "Yes, well…" she stepped out of his grip with a smile. "It's a bit distracting for me. And we shouldn't get distracted right now."

"True, I suppose…however, I find no harm in a temporary distraction." Jim opened her mouth and it ended up being a mistake as his arm suddenly pulled her forward and his mouth was on hers. The feline-like mouth wasn't a turn off, Jim was used to odd anatomy from his days of chasing whatever tail (and sometimes tails were actually heavily involved) at the academy he could talk to. And Rangere was talented, doing things with his muzzle and tongue she hadn't known was possible. A cat-like alien was new even to Kirk, and the light scraping of claws down her back made her shiver. Slowly her eyes drifted closed and she kissed back, her arms lifting to go on his shoulders-

_Spock._

Jim pulled back with a gasp and backed way, gulping and blushing badly. "Councilman, that…that was highly inappropriate." She tried to sound angry, she did, but it came out sounding more breathless and guilty.

"Oh?"

"Yes, oh, it is," she managed to sound angry that time.

"I'm sorry, Captain Kirk, I had thought…"

"Yeah, well…sorry, but your actually a couple days too late. I, uh…I'm in a relationship now. And I'm making it a monogamous relationship, not an open one."

"Monogamous?"

"It's where you only date one person."

Rangere stared before actually laughing and Jim felt her ire rise. "Forgive me, Jim, it's just…I had been under the impression you were and _open_ sort of girl."

_I'm hoping that's not just a nice way of saying I'm loose…_ "Usually, yes, but I'm serious about this. I like the guy a lot and he's put his trust in me."

"Ah, but how would he know?" he literally purred, and Jim shivered. That voice was too sexy for his apparently rising urges.

"He'd know."

"And you believe you can be faithful to him?"

The almost condescending tone made Jim grit her teeth as a wave of intense anger swept over her. But throwing a punch at a guy who helped control a planet was never a good idea, or so the Captain had learned, and so she grit her teeth and took a deep breath before leveling a glare at him that actually made the Councilman back up. "With all due respect, _Councilman_, you have no idea what I'm capable of." Her voice was level but tight as she tried to keep her body in check. The anger was intense, more so than she really thought she would feel in such a situation, but she didn't feel like looking inward and all that metaphysical stuff to find out why. Instead she sat up straighter and leveled a cold gaze at Rangere, doing her best impression of her First Officer. "Now, if you actually have something here to get I would request you get it, otherwise we are wasting valuable time in locating those trying to kill you." _Some of them anyway._

Rangere nodded slowly and went to his desk, taking a few things out and placing them in the pockets of his robe, which was the plain street kind rather than the gilded council variety. She'd give him credit for not trying to draw attention to his self but the anger was still boiling, even she tried to tamp it down. There was also an edge of sexual frustration to it that made her angry at herself

They left and headed down to the city, the car dropping them off at the edge. Rangere's guards hung back, following them just seconds behind.

"It is not a far walk and most would be looking for a car coming from the council hall, not myself on foot."

"I hope your right," she said reservedly. She followed Rangere through the streets till they came to one in front of a store that was roped off. Jim ducked under the rope and looked around. Rangere followed and Jim knew that the escorts would hang around inconspicuously on the other side of the ropes and various other places to keep an eye on them. "You're report said that the blast came at you from the right and to the back, the direction of the street, right?"

"Yes. We believe it was thrown at us from a speeding vehicle, though none of us saw it."

Jim looked the sight over. _This big of a blast…would they have had time, even in a vehicle, to get away? _It still smelled of smoke, chemicals and a faint coppery tang of blood, but she shoved that to the back over her mind as she bent forward to look over the direction of the debris and marks, placing her hand lightly on the nearby building to keep balanced.

"For someone who so vehemently denied my advances, you appear to be tempting me," Rangere said smugly.

Jim glared at him over her shoulder and opened her mouth before a sinking feeling pushed her stomach down. _Shit…this is how Uhura felt when I kept flirting with her in the early months when she was with Spock, isn't it?_ She turned back to looking over the debris, though mentally she was cursing whatever cosmic force was still throwing these little epiphany producing experiences on him. "I wasn't that bad a chauvinist, was I?" she muttered to no one in particular.

"Did you say something, Jim?"

_It's Captain Kirk to you,_ is what she wanted to say, but she was distracted by the chirp of her communicator. Taking it out, she flipped it open. "What is it?" she snapped.

"…Is this a bad time to call, Captain?"

Jim blushed at Spock's voice, her heart racing in both relief to hear him and near panic at the thought that he somehow knew about the kiss. She quickly took a deep breath and smiled though he couldn't see, hoping her voice was convincingly pleasant. "No, Spock, it's not, just…Uh, little frustrated. I'm at the site and trying to figure some things out."

"I see. I called to inform you that I had sent several samples of what was found up to the Enterprise where the science division as started to examine them while I looked through what they found down here in corroboration with the local law enforcement's forensic analysts."

"Good, I want to be informed if you or they find anything that could be relevant."

"The science division on the Enterprise has found one thing presently unrecorded, Captain."

"Oh?"

"Yes, the more sensitive equipment there was able to find traces of a combustive substance typically used in the late 21st century with types of portable shoulder mounted projectile cannons."

Jim looked at the area around her again. _The blast lines are long, pointing back towards the end of the street…like it was still traveling when it blew up. A shoulder cannon could give it enough distance that they could've been well away when it went off. But they're small and putting an extra pack of combustive material in would've been dangerous…_

"Hey," she turned, speaking not too quietly but not too loudly in case anyone was nearby. "Before the blast, can you remember if you heard another loud bang, like from a high intensity ballistic weapon?"

"You mean like an old fashioned cannon? Mmmm…perhaps…it happened rather quickly…but I think we might've paused because of a loud noise now that you mentioned it…we turned in time to see something like a large package falling towards us, but it had something attached to it."

Jim opened the file again and glanced back through. "A spherical object with a rope attached…that could've been how they fired it. Dangerous, but apparently effective."

"Indeed. Admiral Archer grabbed me and pulled me down that alley just before it hit, and my men blocked us from the brunt of the blast…"

Jim glared at the page. Her regard for Rangere may have dropped, but he did sound genuinely sad he had lost his men. And she knew what it was like to loose good men. Archer did too, and his reflexes for getting out of danger were obviously still sharp.

"I believe that such a device could have been used with proper planning."

"Alright."

"I believe I have found all that I can here, Captain, and any other new developments will likely come from the Enterprise. Would my presence be more beneficial with you?"

Jim smiled a little. "I'm sure we can put you to good use, Mr. Spock. Hitch a ride on down."

"I believe a car will suffice, Captain, as I have seen no equine modes of travel."

Jim laughed. "Of course, Mr. Spock."

"I will arrive at your location momentarily, I know the way from the files."

"Alright, see you soon." She clipped the communicator closed, smiling to herself.

"…I believe I know who has beaten me to you now."

She blushed and turned to glare slightly. "I'm not a piece of cake…"

"I can believe that, in all meanings of the phrase. But I still must wonder, will you be content forever? When we met I believed you to be a…sensual, physical creature."

"I've done physical, a lot and often. But I decided I want something different. And quite frankly, Councilman, my personal life is none of your business."

Rangere just smiled, or really leered at her. "You're fire is still stimulating, Captain."

Jim narrowed her eyes, the urge to yell rising once again, but paused when she heard a sound like someone striking a bass drum a foot away from her. Her eyes widened and she rushed forward, grabbing Rangere and pulling him down the same alley Archer had the other day, just before the spot the councilman had occupied only a moment ago erupted.

"Fuck my life…" Jim muttered.


	17. Chemicals Between Us

Happy Valentines day everyone! Hope you enjoy the update. Little bit of, uh, fun times ^///////^ But actually, we're coming close to the last chapter D:

Anyway, nice, quite long chapter cause...well, it turned out that way. And I wanted to set up everything for last couple of chapters as best I could. And Spock kind of cheats in the "getting to know you" game here, but hey, it works to fandom's advantage ;3

* * *

Spock sat in the car comfortably, still looking over reports for anything he could glean from them. His communicator sounded and he opened it up, "This is Spock."

"Spock! Where's Jim, I can't get her communicator!"

"Some buildings in Uriel's city proper unfortunately give resistance to communicator's signal, due to a mineral mixed with-"

"Do I sound like I care about the damn urban planning?! There's something wrong with Jim!"

"How so?" Spock asked, as urgent as he could.

"I've been doing some tests on his-her bio-chemistry from her check up yesterday, and there are some major fluctuations in her body and mainly her brain! Chemicals that are being produced and not mixing well, resulting in headaches, body aches and severe shifts in mood."

"I see…"

"No, you don't see! These fluctuations get worse with the higher degrees of emotions and they're taking a toll on her body. The chemicals in her brain and making her produce too many different chemicals at once. Too much potassium, too much adrenaline, eventually her body is just going to shut down or worse! She needs to be brought back up here to rest until we can stabilize her, and be kept away from high intensity, highly emotional situations."

In the distance Spock thought he heard the sound of thunder, but it was a clear day on Uriel. A cold feeling entered him, but he shoved it down to decide the most logical course of action.

"…Driver, drive faster."

* * *

Jim growled as she pushed herself up, glaring at where a cloud of smoke and debris was wafting down the street beyond the alley. "Oh, someone's in deep now…"

"That was rather suggestive …"

Jim felt almost like a cat on edge when she felt a hand pat the curve of her skirt. "Tashiv Rangere, get your hand off me, this is not the time!" she seethed. "Actually, never is the time as I've told you before, so hands off, get up and get the fuck out of here! You're life is in danger, jackass!"

Rangere blinked in surprise before nodding and rising. "Of course, but what of you? You don't know how many there are, and they are more than likely well armed from what we've seen."

"Yeah, well, I'm pissed and not exactly unarmed." Jim pulled up her skirt slightly, revealing a thigh holster with her phaser hidden there. "I'll cover you, get to your guys at the other end of the street and get away. More than likely they others are gone, or the bombers found a way to slip past them to get to us. You move out a second after me and run."

"I can-"

"I don't care if you can fight or not, you're the guy I'm supposed to protect and dammit, I'm gonna do it! You're better alive than dead, so listen and do, got it?!"

She felt satisfied when his eyes widened and he held up his hands as if in surrender, taking a step back. "Y-yes…"

"Good." She stood, phazer in hand, and moved to the end of the alley. Luckily blast had been rather controlled and she wasn't suffering any hearing or sensory depletion. She pressed up against the wall and heard the sound of someone walking through the streets toward them. After a moment she gestured to Rangere and stepped out, phaser up and firing a scattering of shots meant to distract and intimidate. Three Urellian men scattered at the fire but the Councilman ran out behind her towards the end of the street. One of the men shouted and aimed a shoulder holstered cannon, sans explosive package attached, but she had a feeling the round inside could do a lot of damage if it hit a living body. Now she aimed and fired, taking out the man with the cannon at his shoulder. It was only set just above stun, enough to hurt since she felt like it but certainly not enough to kill. He went down and the shot fired up. The men panicked and ran, one of the grabbing and hauling their fallen comrade behind him as they ran. Jim followed suit and ducked quickly out of the ammo's descent.

When it hit the ground, it created a large dent and sparked, evidently having electrified circuits inside it. _Crafty bastards…wish they were in our weapons design department though._

Running over again, she shot at one of the others, making him drop to his knees. "I, Captain James T. Kirk, order you all to stand down per the treaty signed between Uriel and the Federation! Any further attempts to resist arrest and I will use the necessary force to bring you down!"

The other man stood as if shocked. "The women of Earth are frightening…"

"I heard that!" She moved to rush him and he turned and ran. Veering down an alley, she followed and skidded to a stop to see more men coming out form an apparent basement of one of the buildings. _They must have some kind of passage…_ She counted about 12 as they filed out, the other running over and pointing at her.

"She is a Starfleet Captain! She helped Rangere, shot Kados and Mishav!"

They all turned before stalking towards her and Jim gritted her teeth and readied herself for a fight. Raising the phaser, she took three more out as they came forward before one ducked under the shot with fast agility and swept up his hand to knock it away. His hand came around to strike at her shoulder, but before he could she cupped one fist in the other and swung them up together into his chin. His head snapped back and he fell, claws tearing her uniform sleeve with a brief flash of pain. Another came forward, moving to strike her with a punch to the face. She brought her arms back up to block him before he could reach her. He was strong, she skidded slightly. Digging her feet into the street below, she stopped her travel and then raised one in a high kick to his shoulder that would've made a Rocket jealous. Rounding again she brought her knee into his stomach and her elbows into his back enough he crumpled to the ground.

"Okay, who's next?" she snarled. _If I can do bar fights nearly every weekend from sixteen to my twenties, I can take these guys! …Granted, I wasn't a woman at the time, but I can manage!_

They looked at one another before trying to rush her. Jim ducked down as two swiped at her and whipped her body around on one foot to drive it onto one man's head. The other she flipped over and brought her fist up to his nose. Jim marveled a moment at her female body's balance and flexibility. What it lacked in strength it made up for in agility and reaction time as she fought. Another clawed hand grasped at her leg and she cried out as claws dug in, but she noticed a bucket nearby that she grabbed and swung around. The water inside was old and covered with some kind of algae that made the man gag and leg go, trying to paw it out of his eyes. She threw quickly jumped, ignoring the pain, and slammed the bucket on his head before kneeing him in the groin. He went down hard. The others massed around her but she continued to fight like a she devil, her vision going red as many would say.

* * *

Spock quickly but gracefully ran out of the car when it came to a stop near the street the original blast came from. He saw Rangere with a group of his guards, one guard looking him over for injury as the others formed a circle around him. "Councilman," Spock tightly controlled voice called as he quickly walked over.

"Commander Spock…"

"Where is my Captain?"

"She charged head first into the fray I'm afraid. Ordered me to run. The way she looked, I had no desire to disobey."

Spock looked down the street and before they could stop him, ducked under the ropes and ran down the street. _It is only logical I help my Captain. It is logical._ He chanted in his head, trying to ignore the feeling coursing through his body. _If the Captain's emotional responses become too extreme, her health could be in extreme danger. I must prevent this-_

Spock halted quickly when an Urellian man went flying out of an alley to land at his feet. Looking around the corner, if Spock did not have his Vulcan control he might've gaped. Jim stood there, hair in disarray, uniform torn in several places, and a few bloody scratches scattered over her body that made him immediately wish to deal with these men himself in the most painful fashion. But the second thing he took in were the eight other Urellian men on the ground four knocked out, one tied up with his own belt, another two looking like they were trying to recover, and one with his hands between his legs in a fetal position. Apparently he had a bucket on his head as well.

Jim stood, battle worn, but her body and expression held a fiery determination that made his mouth dry in an involuntary reaction.

"Okay, fuckers, who's next?!" she yelled, taking another fighting stance. The remaining men looked at one another before quickly rushing for an open basement door nearby. "Oh hell no, get your tails back here! I'm still pissed off!"

Spock quickly ran over before she followed them and grabbed her around her waist, hoisting her up.

"Put me down!! I'll kick your fucking ass, you coward!!"

"Jim, it's me," he said quickly as she struggled, almost elbowing him in his side. In her state, elbowing him in the heart could hurt more than usual.

She stopped and looked back up at him. She had one scratch along her cheek and he felt a burning sensation in his stomach and a desire to follow the men himself. "Spock?"

"Yes. Captain, we should get you back to the Enterprise. Dr. McCoy has found-" Spock, was cut off as she turned in his loosened grasp and kissed him hard on the mouth. His eyes widened slightly, his body frozen in shock even as her arms went around his neck. Her tongue swiped at his lips before invading his mouth, trying it's best to draw his own into a duel. Spock gave a slight noise at that, more surprised than anything, but then he felt the lust Jim emitted rolling over him and the noise deepened as it tapered off. Jim moaned back, one hand reaching up to trace over the point of his ear and made his breath hitch.

She pulled back and looked up at him, irises blown wide and face flushed. Spock knew his own face must've been flushed green and though his mouth was not open and panting like hers (almost too tempting a sight even for his control), he did find he had to breathe a little quicker.

"Captain, I think-"

"Stop thinking," she growled huskily, leaning up to lick just under his jaw near his ear. "That's an order." She bit there and Spock felt a minute shiver slip past his control.

"Jim-" Her lips were on his again and he made another low sound in his throat when one of her hands snuck under his shirt, pushing it up to trace her hands over his back, drawing the pads of her fingers over his skin in an obvious imitation of a Vulcan kiss over the heated flesh. He reflexively held her closer and made a slight noise of surprise when Jim's agility came out and she wrapped her legs around his waist. Both arms came up around his neck again, one to anchor her up body to him, the other to card through his hair and muss the perfect straightness of it. Spock felt his control starting to slowly crack under the assault of her body, emotions and the brief images her mind supplied, filtering through the contact.

Images of he and Jim and not there clothes, moving together in a way that left no room for misunderstanding. In the same position they are now, Jim against the nearby wall as Spock moves into her. Or on the ground of the alleyway, ignoring the unconscious men around them or the debris nearby. Then suddenly they were back on the ship, in Jim's quarters, on her bed. Then the turbolift, the captain's chair, his lab…Many ways and means and places Spock had never thought of before, had trained himself not to consider except maybe in the darkest corners of his mind that were kept under locked away behind a veil of control.

They were being uncovered now as his hands trailed down subconsciously over her back. They broke the kiss, Jim panting again to regain her breath but Spock's stamina let him move in and kiss over her neck. Jim moaned, the hand in his hair clenching slightly, scratching his scalp enough to release more endorphins to his system and make him give a small growl as he bit the flesh there. She seemed to like that, drawing in a breath with a pleasured moan and tightening her whole body around him.

Jim suddenly pulled back with a gasp though, the hand in his hair tightening almost painfully. "S-Spock…I…" She looked up and any arousal he was feeling was gone in an instant. Her eyes were clouding over with red in the white, the pink was fading from her cheeks and lips, turning the color marble with thin veins of pink and spots of yellow. "I…I think something's wrong…" a small dribble of blood trailed out of one of her nostrils, and he knew it wasn't from the fight before. Spock quickly maneuvered her in his arms as he crouched down, cradling her close with one arm around the back of her shoulders. Her head rested against his shoulder as she started wheezing, the hand that had been in his hair had momentarily gone limp in surprise was now clutching his uniform top as she began to shake steadily harder. The Vulcan reached to his belt, pulling the communicator and flipping it open, tamping down the emotions that threatened his voice.

"Spock to Enterprise, emergency beam up, now!"

* * *

Immediately when he realized they were completely beamed up he was off the transporter pad and striding out the door. Unfortunately, Spock had been unable to get Jim to sickbay unnoticed. Several people stared in shock and horror as they passed, but he didn't notice then. He focused only and getting her to Bones as fast as possible. Along the way Jim, who had been staring up at him for a while, closed her eyes and became a dead weight in his arms. That made his heart beat faster as he searched for the Sickbay. He met the doctor in the hall, on his way to the transporter room to meet them.

"Dammit, you don't move an unconscious person you-"

"She did not fall unconscious till a moment ago," Spock said as evenly as he could. "She was in a fight then…I believe too many chemicals or brain functions at once gave her an aneurism…"

"I'll be the judge of that, get her on one of the beds." Spock nodded and got to sick bay quickly, McCoy trailing behind the Vulcan's stride. He laid Jim down on the nearest bed, trying to calm himself. _She is breathing, if labored, and I can feel her heartbeat…she will be fine…_ Said heartbeat though was switching gears between too fast and too slow far to often though. _Dr. McCoy is more than adept in his field, he will help her…_

"Commander, you hovering there is a bit distracting…"

Spock's eyes narrowed but any retort he had was cut off as let out a pained gasp when Bones pressed one area of her abdomen. McCoy lifted her shirt without a second thought and for a moment Spock felt his face heat at the sight of the white brazier underneath. Any enjoyment of the sight however was squelched at the sight of a livid purple bruise at her side, where he approximated her liver would be.

"Fuck, what the hell?!"

"Ji-The Captain was in a fight before her sudden…seizure like symptoms."

"Great, so I gotta battle brain chemistry and possible internal bleeding. Goddammit, Jim, you can't make things easy can you?" He began barking orders to the medical staff that had come forward, all of which scrambled to comply in clockwork precision that Spock would otherwise admire. However, he was solely focused on his Captain and the bout of shaking that had started again. Tentatively he reached out and took her hand in his, lacing their fingers together. It was one of the most intimate gestures a Vulcan could do and it allowed for greater mental contact. He sent as much calming thoughts as he could to her.

Jim seemed to calm a little, though she was still pale and beginning to sweat. He felt lost if he tried to look into her mind. It was like a tornado of thoughts, emotions, memories and ideas. A flash of someone he did not recognize would move over his own consciousness and then be gone before he had time to properly learn their name and how Jim knew them. Memories of his first bike ride, where he fell and skinned his knees and hands rose up, and for a moment Spock's own extremities felt the sting of Iowa dirt in the wounds. Then it was gone again and he saw complicated blueprints for computers, and he recognized his own script for the Kobayashi Maru. He managed to focus on that long enough to feel Jim's admiration for the equation, his frustration as he tried to alter it, his respect for whoever wrote it but his determination not to be beaten. It was gratifying to Spock to feel all that even as it sped by in a blur once more.

Jim's mind was moving a mile a minute, too many synapses firing. At this rate he would wear out his own mind and it would give away on him. Trying his best, Spock attempted to project more of his control into Jim's mind, trying to calm the chaos there. It was difficult, but the whirling vortex of his Captain's mind began to slow to a less frantic picture show.

Spock was momentarily surprised when many of the pictures became ones of him. Spock the first time Jim saw him, at the trial for Kobayashi Maru. He had found Spock both irritating and intriguing. And handsome, which made Spock's ears tinge slightly. Then the irritation became the forefront emotion. Resentment of being left behind, the need to be understood as he tried to warn them, the desire to show Spock just what he could do as he suited up for going to the drill. And his fear when Sulu fell from the platform. There was no thought he realized as Jim dove after him, no thought but "don't let this guy die when you can help".

He felt Jim's horror as Vulcan was swallowed up. Even though it wasn't his planet, even though at the time he couldn't stand Spock, his grief was real and powerful to the point of physical illness. More so when he learned of Spock's mother, a strange feeling of understanding of that, but he pushed those emotions aside in a surprisingly Vulcan way to try and move forward with what he felt had to be done. Not just for him, or Spock, but for everyone.

Then anger at him for not understanding again, and fury when he awoke on Delta Vega. Spock's own shame rose at that, as well as guilt and alarm when he saw the beasts chasing after him. He vaguely realized that being exposed to Jim's even more unrefined than usual emotions where pulling his to the surface as well, but he didn't care. He decided that logically, if he were to bring comfort to this man or this woman, he would need to begin learning what he felt even as he denied himself those emotions.

He saw his older self ward off the large creature with a torch and felt gratitude towards him. Then the mind-meld, which second hand was even more disorienting than Jim's own mind. He saw flashes of a world he would never know, of a different James T. Kirk and a different crew, but they all wound by too fast. Jim was laid raw by these flashes though, his grief for Vulcan multiplied by another's grief. But there was warmth for this person there too; a liking for his old self that Spock felt made his body burn.

He saw them meet Scotty, and his elder self give Jim advice. There was guilt and anger at himself as he formulated a plan as they moved to the enterprise. He saved Scotty, and then for a moment wished it had been him that nearly drowned in the tubes when he saw Spock and pressed forward with his plan.

_I'msorry,I'msorry,I'msorry_, his mind said over and over as he said the words. He didn't like Spock, but he knew saying things like this to anyone, especially someone who just lost so much, was a kind of wrong he had never wanted to try. Then the fear as Spock lashed out, pain, but no will to fight back. _I deserve this_, he thought, _even if it had to be done._ Spock held squeezed her hand unconsciously as in the memory his own fingers went around Jim's throat, trying to squeeze the life from him. He remembered those moments himself in a blur really, but he remembered the sadistic wish to cause pain all to well. It was a feeling he wished never to associate with Jim again.

Respect, admiration and the like grew during their adventure. There was worry when Spock had not shown up on the bridge, then a feeling of relief and grudging admiration when he returned. From there it was a slowly building affection Jim had thought was merely friendship, but she now knew was something more.

"You should go, this is going to take a while," McCoy interrupted him. Evidently all this had only happened in a few moments, though to Spock it had felt like hours just exploring Jim's memories.

"I wish to remain." _I wish to see more. Feel more._

"…" McCoy sighed before running one machine over the large bruise. "I can appreciate that, Spock, really. But Jim wouldn't want you to neglect your duties because of her. In fact, he-she'd be both guilty and pissed if you did. So go be a good first officer and command the bridge. I'll call you the moment I see improvement or an unimprovement or anything you should know. I'm going to sedate her for a bit anyway, give me time to run tests and treat her."

"…Very well." He squeezed her hand again before starting to let go. For a moment Jim's fingers clung to his, trying to keep the contact close, but as Bones delivered the sedative they loosened and soon drifted away. He set the hand down gently, ghosting the tips of his fingers over her knuckles once before turning and leaving quickly, trying not to dwell on how utterly _fragile_ his captain, and his partner, looked in those moments.

He was surprised when on his way to the bridge a group of security stopped him, headed by one man he knew Jim called Cupcake for some odd reason.

"Sir, we saw you carrying the Captain to sickbay…"

"Yes, there was an incident."

"She…looked pretty beat up. And her clothes were torn…" another said.

"We were wondering if…someone _assaulted_ her on the planet."

"Yes, I'm afraid so." The men all tense, scowls coming to their face. "However, the Captain held her own."

"That may be, but they can't get away with it!" One man said. "I mean, we know the Captain can hold his own usually but when he's a she-"

"Actually, I came just in the end of it."

"You…?"

"Indeed, it was quite…fascinating, if worrying for her."

The men all looked at him in shock. "Sir?"

"Yes?"

"Didn't you do anything?!"

"There was no need. The Captain sent them running back the way they came."

They all looked confused before one seemed suddenly relieved. "Oh! Dude, I mean sir, we meant…well…We meant did someone _sexually_ assault our Captain. Not like pick a fight or something."

Spock's eyebrows rose. "Ah, I see…I'm sorry for my…lapse in understanding, I appear to be distracted. No, the Captain was not…Sexually assaulted by the Urellians. There was another attack on the Councilman and Captain Kirk once again placed himself at risk in order to try and bring them down. Unfortunately he was outnumbered and a few got away, but he took down almost nine of them that most likely have been arrested now."

The men were all relieved looking now, shoulders not so rigid. "Heh, guess we should've known better. Kirk wouldn't have gotten beat that easy."

"Yeah, even as a girl."

Spock felt a small bit of warmth for these men now, knowing they cared about the state of the Captain. "If there have been any other similar misunderstandings, please allay these fears. The Captain is…incapacitated but will be fine soon." _She will be. She definitely will be._

They nodded and headed off again. Spock continued to the bridge, though his mind was now turning over itself. _Assaulted…Kirk assaulted me, so to speak, however I was not reticent to it. If anything, I encouraged her…but her emotions were in a delicate state. Is it possible I took advantage of that state by encouraging her? Further, did I invade her privacy going into her mind like that?_

Spock sat at the bridge in the Captain's chair, briefing them quickly on what was happening. He did not mention the possibility of Jim's brain rebelling against her, only that she had been in a fight and was recovering in sickbay. The others looked similarly worried but turned back to their duties admirably. Spock just sat back and steepled his fingers as he thought.

* * *

About two hours later a page came over the intercom.

"Commander Spock, I have some things I need to discuss with you. Sickbay, asap," McCoy groused over the system.

"Mr. Sulu, you have the conn."

"Aye sir."

Spock rose and left for the sick bay. He kept a tight control on any emotions he felt, having slightly mediated as he waited to regain his sensibilities after looking through Jim's memories.

"Dr. McCoy, you wished to see me?" Spock's eyes looked over to where Jim was in the bed, reigning in his disappointment she was still apparently asleep or unconscious.

"Yeah, we…kind of have a wrench in the works again."

"Oh?"

"Now, I'm not into the kind of science of transporters and stuff, or cures for getting our dumbass of a Captain back with less up top and more down below, so to speak. But I looked a little over the compound notes you and your team have completed for turning Jim back and…Well, I hope I'm wrong, but I think I found a problem."

Spock frowned minutely and took the pad McCoy offered, looking it over. His expression turned even more blank than usual as he looked over the notes. "…You give yourself too little credit, Dr. McCoy."

"I was afraid of that…"

Spock sat down with the pad next to Jim, looking it over. Indeed, this could be a very big problem.

"Are you guys going to tell me what the problem is or just dance around it?" Spock did not jump, but he did turn to look at the bed. Jim was away, if pale, tired looking and with an IV hooked up to her arm. She already had dark circles under her eyes and it was strange to see her look so white and jaundice at the same time.

"Jim…"

She smiled a little. "I like it when you call me that. But seriously, what's the problem?"

McCoy looked hesitant before turning to walk away. "You tell her. Less chance she'll hit you."

Jim frowned and looked at Spock. "I'm really not going to like this, huh?"

"…No." She took a deep breath before holding her hand up to him. Spock took it without hesitation, holding it gently and sending his calm control through it to her. "According to both my science divisions findings and McCoy's own…intuition, it seems the high levels of natural chemicals produced in your body will begin having more negative effects because your brain will not shut them off."

"Huh…so I have a chemical imbalance…fun…"

"I do not see amusement. It is possible one or more of the chemicals could put your life in danger. Your potassium levels alone-"

"I get it, Spock, not fun. But…there's no way to fix it?"

"Not readily…except perhaps the procedure for returning you to your proper sex."

"Well, we were going to do that anyway! Let's just…" He didn't meet her eyes. "Is it not ready?"

"No, we believe everything is ready. However…with your brain and body in such a state, there are three possible options…"

"…Which are?"

"In all likely hood, there is an 83.6% chance that the procedure will stabilize your brain chemistry that has been affected by your change and possibly from the incidents that lead to it. It could even help to rebalance all the chemicals to proper levels."

"Okay, good odds of keeping me alive then."

"However…"

"Just spit it out. Tell me, Spock, not actual spit."

"…There is a 43.6% chance, due to your condition due to high amounts of estrogen, that it will stabilize you in your _female_ form rather than returning you to your male form. You would be stuck as a woman forever, Jim."

* * *

Kept trying to decide if I should end there or not ;3 But just saying now, whatever you think will happen...you're probably wrong :D


	18. No Such Thing as No Win

It's here!! Ah, sorry again for the wait. School again...and my working on new fics for when I'm done with AGLJ :D We're getting close...the end is nigh! But not right now. ;3

Edit: Uploaded wrong version -__- It's good now I think

* * *

Jim was silent a moment, staring at him. "Well…could you turn me back if that happened?"

"I do not believe so. The procedure would stabilize you as a woman. It would not work to turn you to a man again. And other attempts could prove equally disastrous as what happened today with…"

Jim looked away from his eyes, obviously trying to think. "So there's a good chance it would stabilize me as a man or a woman…What's the third?"

"That the procedure will have no effect at all and may actually…speed up what is happening to you now."

"So it could also kill me…"

"Yes, but that chance is only 3.87% likely given the expertise of everyone who will be working on it and to administer it. Thus, I have almost disregarded it…"

"Accept it worries you?"

"I admit, the idea of it…is vexing. From a personal and professional standpoint."

Jim smiled and squeezed his hand. "It is small. I disregard it too."

"With all do respect, Captain, you often disregard danger…"

She chuckled and ran her thumb lightly over the back of his hand. "So…there's almost half a chance I'll be a girl for the rest of my life if we do this now…Is there any way we can wait till we have a better option?"

"If we wait too long, Captain…Jim, your condition will become worse and the chances of the procedure doing more harm than good rises. It is possible you could even die before we have any other means."

"But…" she sighed, looking lost. Through their hands Spock caught a few thoughts of worry, of not wishing to be a woman for all Jim's life. A month had been hard enough, but a lifetime was a daunting prospect.

"…If I have run the calculations correctly, then you have a few hours till you must absolutely go through the procedure without further risk."

"…Okay."

Spock squeezed his hand. "I can see what I can do, Jim. If I can reverse it, but I don't think we have enough time to find a safe alternative. The…incidents earlier were like catalysts for your body going into overdrive. You are in a precarious position now."

"Incidents? What else happened?"

Spock flushed and looked away. "How…much do you remember Captain?"

Jim frowned before thinking. "Uh…we went down to Uriel, discussed things with Archer and Rangere, you went to the lab, Rangere gave me a tour and…uh, we talked."

"…Jim, your heartbeat and our connection denote you are not entirely truthful in that statement."

"…Rangere kissed me."

Spock's eyes widened and then narrowed. "I see…"

"I didn't kiss back! Well, maybe for a second but then I remembered you and I stopped and told him to GTFO, but then he just kept talking and-"

"Calm down, Jim," Spock said soothingly, squeezing his hand and trying to help her control her emotions. "Getting upset is not beneficial for you right now. And I understand, I trust you."

Jim settled back, blinking up at him. "Y…you do?"

"Of course." There was a smile in his eyes. "You have stated numerous times in the short time since we initiated our relationship that you seek to comply with my monogamous beliefs. I have learned over the last year that when you state your intention so, you intend to follow through. I have no worries that…should you desire not to be monogamous, you would tell me up front rather than seek sexual companionship without my knowledge. You are nothing if not very honest with those you care for even in the least bit."

She stared at him for a while longer before sniffing, looking away and blinking rapidly. "Fuck, I really can't control myself…"

Spock felt that she was both touched and awed by his trust, and sensed that it was new for her to be so trusted by one person in a relationship like this. She was also annoyed at herself for almost crying.

It just made him smile, softly, barely noticeably, as he entwined their fingers again. Jim looked up and was even more surprised before grinning back. "Okay…so, I'll think about it. For a bit. I…I really don't want to be a woman the rest of my life. I mean…It's not bad but…well…I liked being a man."

"Indeed, I can understand Captain. It would be illogical for you not to wish to return to a state which you are better acclimated, and mentally equipped to handle."

"Yeah…that and I really miss Jim Jr….

"…You have a son?"

"What, no! I mean…it's euphemism for my penis, Spock."

His ears and cheeks greened. "Ah, I see, yes…"

Jim had to laugh at that and the tension that had filled her began to ease more as they continued to talk, hands clasped together.

* * *

It was a while after Spock had left the bridge, more than an hour, when Chekov looked back towards the doors and frowned. "Do you think the Keptin is alright?"

"Not sure…but Spock didn't look worried."

"No, I think I looked wery vorried."

"Huh?"

"He stared off into space, er, into nothing whole time. Had his fingers like so," he had his fingers steeple in front of his face, "vhich I usually see ven he is thinking of big problem."

"I guess he was a little weird…"

"He is vorried for his love," the younger man said with a grin.

"Or worried for his friend and Captain," Sulu countered.

"Bah, Mr. Spock is wery in control of his feelings. He vould not vorry so much in public if person did not mean wery much to him. He vould be more in resigned."

Sulu was quiet, knowing the Russian wiz kid was right about that. "Well…Friends can mean a lot to people. And I'd have to say, the Captain is probably his best friend considering how they get along."

"Or he is wery_, wery_ _good_ friend," Chekov said smugly to him, making Sulu blush. The way he could use that accent as he talked apparently had a direct tie to his libido.

Sulu cleared his throat and turned back to his station to try and work. "That's all still speculation. You won't win the bet till you get some proof."

"What bet?" Uhura asked from behind them, apparently very quiet when she wished to be.

"Nothing," they both said at once.

"Uh huh. Well, keep your attentions on your jobs, kay? I would hate to report to Mr. Spock how you two hens were gossiping when you are in charge, Mr. Sulu."

Sulu gulped and nodded. "Of course, Lieutenant."

"Good. But it's actually time for shift change."

"Ah…right, didn't realize…Um…"

"I have Scotty coming up to relieve you, Sulu. He's not happy about it, but he understands you need a break and this was dumped on you rather suddenly and the Captain is out for the count. Besides, Spock is probably preparing to do the reversal treatment on her now."

"Yeah, it'll be almost weird to have the Captain back to normal after this."

"I know…Hopefully not completely back to normal…"

"Oh you miss the flirting."

"Do not."

"I think you do, Lieutenant," Chekov chuckled. Uhura rolled her eyes as they stood and headed out. "Do you vant to get something to eat?"

"Sure, I-"

"Ah, Sulu!"

"Yeah Scotty?"

"Could ye do me a wee favor and bring these reports to sickbay for the Capan? I gotta get up to the bridge before Uhura starts paging me, ye know how the lass can get."

"Oh, sure." He took the pad from him and looked at Chekov. "Grab a table in the mess, I'll be right there okay?"

Chekov nodded before heading for the turbolift as Sulu walked down the hall. He entered sickbay and saw McCoy in his office reading something, then saw Jim sitting up in bed talking to Spock. He frowned worriedly at how the captain looked, but she was smiling as she talked to her first officer. It was a really warm smile…

_Nah, can't be. I mean, really, James T. Kirk and Spock? That would be-_

His mental voice choked when he saw Jim raise their clasped hand up and kiss the back of Spock's, making the Vulcan look uncomfortable but he didn't object. Sulu stared a moment more before a finger was snapping in front of his face.

"Hey there, Sulu," McCoy said a little louder than necessary. "What can I do for you?"

"Uh, I brought these reports from Scotty…for the Captain. Or Spock. Uh, if he's here. Just whoever's in charge right now or…should be in charge."

"Alright, I'll give it to Jim. You should go, you're on break now."

"Yeah, right…" Sulu glanced at the bed again but a partition was drawn over to keep out prying eyes. He left, mind reeling from what he just saw.

* * *

Spock made up his shift from before partway through the next, which Scotty was grateful for because he could get back down to engineering. All thoughts of Jim he placed in the back of his mind. This was the time to work, he could not let personal feelings possibly endanger the crew if he was not focused.

Jim knew that and was grateful for it. At the same time, he wished Spock could've stuck around so he…she…no, he could have someone to keep him company.

Not that Bones wasn't around…

"Look, just do the damn procedure," the doctor groused. "You still got a chance to go back to normal, but the longer you wait the more likely it is you're going to die. So fucking do it!"

"But what if I stay a girl? What if I can never turn back?"

The doctor sighed, rubbing over his forehead. Thankfully it was a slow day and his other patients were either asleep or had been released. "And if you do?"

"You wouldn't be so blithe about this if it was you…"

"Point taken, but it's not. It's you, James T. Kirk, who supposedly doesn't believe in no win scenarios."

"Yeah, well, changing my sex was never a scenario I considered…"

"You're already dating a Vulcan man, that's more than I would do."

Jim rolled his eyes. "Hey, Spock is the one making this easy, thanks."

He harrumphed but settled back. "Then what's the real problem? You got Spock after all."

"And you, Mr. Sensitive." He settled back with a sigh. "…If I stayed a girl…would you treat me differently."

"Hell no. If I actually treated you the way my mother taught me to treat ladies, you'd think I was a pushover. As far as I'm concerned, you're Jim and that's how I'll treat you."

He smiled, actually feeling touched by that. "Okay…well…what about the crew? And Starfleet?"

McCoy's eyebrows knitted together. "What about them? Wait…is that what you're worried about? The brass treating you differently?"

"More like the brass finding this an excuse to take the Enterprise from me…and maybe the crew not looking up to me anymore…"

The elder man regarded his friend a moment before sighing and patting the thinner shoulder. "Jim, I won't lie to you, some might think of you differently if you stayed a girl. We've come a long way in society, but some people are still idiots like that. But let me tell you, if Starfleet tried to take you out of captaincy because you were turned into a woman, there would be such a huge stink from equality groups, women's organizations, and likely the universal governments that they'd have a media shit storm on their hands. After all, there are women captains already."

"Yeah…I guess you're right…"

"As for the crew, well, after what you did today? With saving that councilman and taking on like a dozen men on your own and holding your own against them despite chemical imbalances messing with your body? If everyone of your crew didn't respect you right now, then to hell with them! I respect you. Hell, Spock respects you and he can take down the whole security team if he wanted."

Jim smiled and leaned against Bones, sniffing a moment but keeping any tears back. _Goddamn moodswings..._"Thanks, man. You're…really awesome."

"Don't you forget it," he said, patting his back. "Now seriously, there's a chance you could stay a woman, but still one you could go back to being a man. And the chance you'll die is still slight if we do the procedure soon. So…please, let us do it. I'd prefer you with tits to you being dead…"

"Careful not to say that around Spock, he's evidently the jealous type…"

"Duly noted. I don't want a neck pinch and then waking up on some frozen tundra…"

"Bones, I forgave him for that."

"Why?!" He jumped slightly at the vehement question. "He stranded you on a damn ice ball that I know was probably hostile as the seven levels of hell when we had a damn brig here on the ship where you'd be safe…relatively speaking. And then he tried to choke you!"

"I egged him on to do that, Bones. I was hoping he would. And that was a year ago, we're good now." He gave a little groan and she frowned more. "Bones…"

"I'm just…worried. I would worry even if you were a guy." He sighed and put an arm around him like he did when they were both guys sharing a moment of personal experience. "When I was a doctor back in Georgia, I had to treat cases of abuse sometimes. Both men and women. I've seen what "love" can do to people…and…I'm just worried. He's like three times stronger than you. And…didn't come off as stable when I first met him. So…hell, if he ever does something to you he shouldn't, I'll inject him with a cocktail of stuff so bad, but so untraceable that they'll never convict me-"

"Bones!" Jim laughed, patting his shoulders. "Bones… Leonard, don't worry."

"Jim, just cause you take not shit on the battlefield doesn't mean you won't end up like those others. I knew this tough ass, hard as nails guy that-"

"I'm not scared of that happening with Spock," she said confidently and gently enough that the elder shut up. "He's…not perfect. And I'm not saying we'll always get along perfectly, never argue, or have that kind of love people write songs about and shit. That's not what I want either. Spock gives me a challenge, mentally and yes, physically. But I don't believe he'd be abusive. It's not logical after all, to hurt someone you want to be romantic with."

He grumbled again, something that sounded like "tell him that and you know he won't".

She smiled and gave the man a one armed hug. "Thanks for worrying about me, Bones. It means a lot."

"Yeah, well, I'm still you're best friend after all."

"Of course. And you'll stay that way. That I'm not giving you a choice on."

He chuckled. "I'm fine by that."

* * *

When Sulu came to dinner after dropping off the reports, he looked a little shaken. He seemed to be moving in a daze as he walked to the replicator. He saw Chekov sitting at their usually table smile and wave him over. His legs walked on autopilot towards him, mind quickly thinking. _He was right…the captain and first officer are together. So he won the bet. He won. I should tell him. Then again, if I don't he wouldn't know…but I can't lie to Pavel. And chances are he'll find a way to prove it somehow. I mean, what could be so bad about what he asks me to do? Then again, I had really hoped to ask something important from him... _He sat down and was about to take a bite of his sandwich when the younger boy quickly stopped him.

"Sulu, vhy do you have steamed crab between two pieces of bread that is not ewen shelled?"

"What?" he looked at his sandwich and saw the spidery legs and claws sticking out and blanched, setting it down. "Oh…uh, I guess I pushed the wrong button."

"And you did not notice?"

"I guess not…" he looked away, still wondering if he should tell him.

"Sulu? Hikaru, you look distracted."

"Yeah…"

Chekov smiled slightly before standing, gesturing for him to wait. Sulu looked at his odd sandwich as he waited, mind still turning and also wondering how he was going to eat this. He jumped when a bowel of thick chowder like stew was set before him, along with a pair of crab crackers and a salad the way he liked it. "There. Now you can eat vell, da?"

He blinked but then smiled warmly at the boy. "Thanks, Pavel…"

The boy blushed slightly, but smiled happily. "Of course." He continued to eat his own dinner. Sulu looked up at him now and then as he ate, cracking the crab fairly easily and dipping the bread in the stew.

Chekov caught his gaze once and smiled confusedly. "Is something on my face?"

"What? Oh, no, just uh…I got something to tell you after dinner. Uh, somewhere private?"

Pavel sat up a little straighter, his eyes looking suddenly bright. "Really? Ah, then, no problem. I listen."

He smiled slightly and nodded. When they finally finished, Chekov stood and actually took both their plates to the disposal and then came back for him. "We can go talk in my room. Is priwate."

"Right, lead the way." He followed his younger friends down the hall and too the turbo lift. _He's not that young though…_ Sulu blushed even more and tried to keep his eyes off his friend. Lately, for a few months now, he had been finding the Russian Genius a little too magnetic for him. He'd managed to keep himself under control, but when Chekov suggested the bet his first thought for winning was "Go on a date with me."

It was understandable he was disappointed.

Chekov opened the door to his room and they headed in. Before Chekov could say anything Sulu sucked in a breath and bowed his head. "You win."

The younger man blinked. "Vhat?"

"You win the bet. I…when I went to the Med bay to drop off those documents, I saw the Captain and Mr. Spock being…a little more than friends."

Chekov's eyes widened. "Moy gob…in the med bay?"

"Yeah…"

"Wow…I hadn't thought ze would be so kinky…"

"Huh? Wha-" Sulu blushed. "They weren't doing anything kinky! Just…the Captain kissed Spock's hand and he let her. I figured with how Spock is, that meant that…yeah, they're really together like you said."

"Ah…I see…so that is vhat you wanted to tell me?" Sulu thought he almost sounded disappointed.

"Yeah…so, I'm a man of my word. Whatever you want, I'll do."

Chekov blushed now, gulping slightly. He started to say something, then stopped, then started again, then stopped again. The older man stared, confused and a little worried why he was so hesitant. Finally he took a deep breath. "Close your eyes."

"Huh?"

"Close your eyes. And please do n-not be angry."

Sulu arched his eyebrows but decided a deal was a deal and closed his eyes. He almost jumped when he felt hesitant, gentle hands on his cheeks, cupping his face tenderly and his heart sped up to mach 2. He swore it hit warp as he felt warm, dry, slightly chapped lips go over his. His eyes flew open and indeed, Chekov was standing partially on his toes, holding onto his face and kissing him with a dark blush across his cheeks. The Russian opened his eyes a second later to see his and immediately let go, rocking back almost dangerously on his heels.

"I-I am sorry. I had-that is I thought-since on Arlia—"

Sulu reached up, his stomach dropping at the flinch from his…well, whatever they were about to be, as if afraid of him. He set his hands on his shoulder and slowly leaned in. "Pavel…I know I lost, but would you do something for me?"

He gulped but nodded. "D-da…I think I know vhat it is though," he said miserably.

The pilot almost smiled before leaning in. "Next shore leave, have dinner with me at a nice restaurant?"

He looked up so fast they almost smacked heads, but bright hazel-green eyes looked at him in surprise. "You…vant to…?"

"Yeah. That's what I was going to ask if I won." He smiled. "I liked your request too. I wouldn't mind you asking again."

Chekov stared a few moments before grinning and circling his arms around his neck. "I can do zat…"

* * *

At the end of shift Spock's pad beeped and he picked it up. His eyebrows ticked up at the message and he stood, quickly heading out and back to the Medical Bay. He walked in brusquely, ignoring Dr. McCoy yelling at him for just barging in, and headed over to where his captain was. She was paler than before, looking more tired, and he wondered if she rested at all while he was gone. She smiled though and held up a hand with to fingers up.

"Hey…"

He pressed his fingers to the ones before him gently, enjoying the thrill the contact sent through him. "Jim…you are sure about this?"

"Yeah…what do you need?"

"I can get everything ready now. It…will be best if you are put under though, in case you should feel any discomfort. I will have to inject you with a few chemicals, and then hopefully you're body will begin to change… or at the very least stabilize you."

Jim nodded softly. "Okay…"

Spock nodded and turned to go to McCoy, who was already there with a hypo in hand. "I'll knock you out then."

"Thanks…"

"You'll be fine. The green blooded jerk won't let anything happen to you, like you said."

Jim flushed and glared at him but Spock's eyes looked slightly pleased. "I will endeavor to do my best."

She smiled up at him taking his hand as she laid back and McCoy stuck the hypo in her neck. "I guess when I wake up we'll just…find a way through whatever happens."

"Indeed. Whatever happens though, I will continue to stand by your side, Captain."

He smiled slightly before closing her eyes, her mind thankfully blanking out so he didn't have to think about what would greet him when he opened his eyes next.


	19. End1: Makes Me Feel Like a Man

Welcome, everyone, to the last (technically two I guess) chapter of A Girl Like Jim. Sorry for the wait, but in all honesty, I've been going back and forth with which ending I wanted to go with XD I had a lot of people wanting Jim to stay a girl, and quite a few of course who adamantly wanted him returning to normal. So…I gave you both :3

That's right, I wrote out both scenerios (with steamy, steamy scenes…). I know that old saying about trying to please everyone, but I really did like how both turned out so I decided to go with both. Whichever ending you like most, go with that one for how the story ends. If you like them both, hey, welcome to my mind.

This first one is the "Jim goes back to normal" ending. Go to the next chapter for "Jim remains a girl" ending.

Thank you all for staying with the story, it has been a lot of fun writing it and I'm so, so flattered by all the wonderful reviews and alerts I've gotten. You are all wonderful and it really made me happy to know you liked my story.

* * *

Spock walked to the Captain's quarters, where their captain was resting after going through a procedure of chemicals and flashes through the transporter, after alpha shift. He was hesitant at first, worried what he would find, but opened the door to find Jim sitting up, looking over his hands and body with a smile. He looked up at Spock and smiled more. "Hey. I'm back…"

"You did not go anywhere, Captain. You were always here."

The smile grew into the well known cocky grin. "Yeah, just plus some, minus some. And I know you're off duty, so it's Jim."

"Indeed, I am still learning to adjust."

Jim chuckled and patted the side of his bed. Spock walked over and sat next to him. "You sure you don't mind?"

"Mind?"

"That I'm…well, me?"

Spock reached out and took his hand, pressing their fingers together. "As I have stated before, I find you desirable whatever your form. Though admittedly…"

"Admittedly?" Jim asked, trying not to sound worried.

"Admittedly, it is a relief to see your male form again. It is the one I first became enamored with."

Jim blushed then smiled. "I somewhat remember you saying that before…"

"And it is still true."

Smiling brightly he leaned up and gave Spock a human kiss to match the Vulcan make-out session their hands were doing. The dry, desert warm lips didn't move at first, but he knew enough to know that wasn't a reflection of his skill. Nipping the lips, he smirked as the Vulcan mouth opened and he delved his tongue in, mapping out Spock's mouth. Stroking over his tongue, prodding it, he managed to coax it into a lazy dance with his own. Reaching up, he wrapped his arms around Spock's neck and suddenly dropped back, managing to actually pull the Vulcan with him since his guard was down.

"Jim…"

"Hey, I just want a little make-out session with my…well, with my boyfriend."

Spock blinked, eyebrows ticking up in surprise.

"Well, that's what we are, right? You said Vulcan's are monogamous, and when we…do the deed, we'll be basically married. So…well, I'm not saying I'm ready for _that_ yet, but I am serious when I say I want to give it my best shot. My wanting to didn't change just cause I'm a guy again. Cause I really…" He blushed, knowing he was rambling and skirting around what he was really trying to say. It wasn't as if he was used to this.

Dark eyes softened and leaned down to rest their foreheads together. "I understand. And I am…very grateful, honored and…happy to hear that once again."

Jim smiled then smirked. "Happy? Mr. Spock, is that an admittance of emotion?"

"Indeed. But I believe I can permit such. We are in private within your quarters, you are out of uniform, I am off shift…and we are engaging in an attempted monogamous relationship with one another. A slight slip of my inner thoughts is permissible I believe."

"Uh huh, I think so too…" He leaned up and kissed him again, lying on his side with Spock. He felt warm arms wrap around him and pull him close. They kissed deeply, and when Spock became more involved Jim found he approached kissing like he did many other things: Logically and with great skill.

Jim hips shifted forward as they became more heated and he broke the kiss with a gasp when his hardening erection brushed against Spock's thigh. "S-sorry…been a while. I'll back off." He moved to pull away only to be stopped by the Vulcan arm guard rails around his back. "Uh, Spock?"

"I do not mind."

"What? But-"

"Full sexual intercourse is not necessary in order to bring release. There are other methods, especially available to males, to relieve arousal. I do not mind engaging in these alternatives in order to better explore our sexual compatibility."

"…Is that your bedroom talk? Cause if so, I must be attracted to you because I just got hotter for you." Spock's lips twitched and Jim leaned up to kiss him. Then he was turned slightly and Jim straddled his hips, grinning. "If you're sure this is what you want, then I think I can get us started."

"I am not unfamiliar with the procedures."

"Have you ever put them into practice with another man?"

"…"

"Yeah, didn't think so." He kissed his jaw, nuzzling it slightly. "Besides, I want to repay you."

"Repay me?"

"For putting up with my shit while I was a woman, saving me, and being an amazing rock of support during the whole ordeal. Oh, and for starting this." He flicked his tongue against one pointed ear and Spock took in a hiss of breath through his nose.

"I…did not mind. Reciprocation is not necessary."

Jim smirked and nibbled the ear, feeling deep satisfaction when it, and Spock's face, began turning green. "Should I stop?"

"I…did not say that."

Jim smiled and continued teasing the ear. "I love your ears…"

"Indeed…?"

"Yeah. They're…you."

"…And that is alright with you?"

Jim blinked and sat back. "Huh?"

"I am…half Vulcan."

"You don't say, I never noticed."

Spock gave him a flat look and Jim just grinned. "I am merely stating that…While I indeed have said that I do not mind allowing some emotion out when we are in private. However, I…still value my Vulcan teachings and control…I may not be able to reciprocate as much emotion as you are used to seeing in such human relationships." His mind turned back to his mother and he wondered, not for the first time, if she had been happy. On Vulcan, where she was the only human, the only one so free with her feelings, in a world of control and denial of such things.

Jim stared before reaching up and pinching both tips of Spock's ears, making the Vulcan tense in surprise. "I know that, genius." Dark eyes stared up at him and the blonde man finally smiled. "I figured that already. But I know…doing this much for me means you feel pretty strongly about this. I'm not thinking we're going to be kissing every second. We have duties, for one thing. And I for one, am grateful you're Vulcan." He began stroking his ears more gently, enjoying the flush coming back over his face. "I've always been told I need someone to mellow me out. I never believed it till I started spending time with you. I feel…calmer. Happily so. And I don't feel stressed so much, especially when we sit around and play chess and talk."

Spock's lips lifted in a calm smile. "I conquer."

Jim grinned and leaned down to kiss his cheek. "I also can't imagine you or want you any other way. I love your control, your strength-physical and with your beliefs. Be Vulcan. Be my awesomely logical first officer. Be my sweet talking, poker faced half-Vulcan boyfriend. Just be Spock."

There was a pause and then Spock wrapped his arms around him, pulling him close. "I am…grateful. And I will endeavor to do my best to fulfill your requests."

Jim smiled and laid flat over him, nuzzling his neck. Spock stroked up his back and Jim moaned appreciatively before kissing his neck. He could swear he hear a slight groan from him and grinned before kissing over his neck more. Then digging his teeth in gently and beginning to suck and lick the mark. He could feel more than hear the slight rumbling purr from below him. He worked over that spot as his hands roamed down the body over the blue shirt, feeling through the material the hard, sinewy muscles of a Vulcan body, moving towards the edge of his shirt.

He almost jumped when hot hands beat him to the punch and moved under his short, kneading his back almost like a cat. He groaned, arching into the hands. He leaned back and moved to remove the hospital scrub shirt, hearing a grunt of approval as it was tossed aside. Jim smiled down at Spock as he took in the expanse of golden skin now revealed. The hands reached up and began tracing down his body, mapping his chest and stomach with trails of heat. Jim moaned, hips moving slightly on instinct, drawing attention to his arousal straining the pair of scrub paints. One hand trailed towards it but Jim quickly caught his wrist.

"N-not yet…" He let go and reached for his shirt. "Off?"

Spock sat up wordlessly, Jim leaning back to let him. He made his own appreciative sound when he saw he was covered in dark curls over his pectorals and down to disappear beyond his pants. He'd always imagined him hairless, to go with the perfect cut of the hair on his head, but he rather liked the thin coat of fuzz. He pushed on the chest so Spock laid back again and began to run his fingers over him. He felt that rumbling purr again and smiled. He gently thumbed one nipple and smirked at the slight twist in the body below him. Leaning down, he licked over the nipple, not minding the tickle of hair on his tongue, and Spock actually let a soft moan go. Jim grinned and licked again before fitting his teeth around the nub of darker, mossy green flesh and sucking, making the Vulcan below him buck up. His other hand reached up to toy with the neglected nipple, pinching and rolling it between his fingers.

Spock's hand came up to the back of his head and suddenly pulled him away. Jim wondered if he'd crossed a line until he felt the tingle of Vulcan fingers move around to stroke over his own nipples. The electric prickle over the sensitive flesh made him gasp and groan. When it pinched he yelped in surprise. Spock's hand fell back.

"Did I harm you?" he asked urgently.

"N-no…you, uh…you're fingers tingle and when you pinched, it…it felt like an electric shock went between them. So good…but surprising. I wasn't prepared for that."

Spock stared before reaching up to caress his nipples again. "But not unpleasant?"

"Hell no. Like I said, felt goo-good…" He breathed the last as Spock did it again. He moaned even louder than before when he sat up licked over Jim's nipples, the hot mouth across the nub of skin making his brain crossfire. He pushed his hands up the hard muscles of the Vulcan's back, one hand finally burying itself in that black glossy hair and messing up the perfect fringe hopelessly. Spock moved his kissing and licking up to Jims collar bone, biting a dark red bruise just below neck. He wanted to mark him, wanted to assure himself Jim was there, healthy and safe once more.

They continued to stroke across their skin, painting desire and relief into their skin. Jim's hips began to move of their own accord, craving pleasure after more than a month without. He groaned loudly when Spock's hands came up to his hips. Instead of stopping him though he pushed him down even more, grinding up into him. He gasped, arching back when he felt a hardness prodding him through Spock's regulation pants.

He leaned back down and kissed him as they moved and rutted against each other. Reaching between their bodies, Jim managed to undo the pants and pull out Spock's member. He groaned at the feel of the hot, slick flesh in his hand, and heard the echoing moan beneath him. Jim let go a moment to move his own pants down, freeing his own member to brush against Spock's. They both moaned and Spock pulled him even closer to grind their members together. Jim gasped, giving Spock an opening to plunge his tongue in as he kissed him. Precum slipping out between them made for a slick grind as they moved together.

Jim reached between them, wrapping one hand around both of their members together. He began stroking them together. Spock gave a low rumble as he moved into the hand with him. He grabbed Jim's other hand, almost making him fall over, and entwined their fingers. They both groaned, moving their fingers together in time with Jim's strokes. Jim laid open mouth kisses across Spock's shoulders, neck, jaw and up to his ears. His strokes sped up and Spock groaned before reaching down with his free hand, joining Jim in his strokes over their arousals.

Jim suddenly realized through the haze of pleasure that Vulcan hands were erogenous zones, they kissed with them, and now Spock's hand was stroking over their erections together…

He gasped and groaned loudly into Spock's ear as he came over their hands and Spock's stomach. Spock gave a rolling growl in return before coming as well, adding to the mess between them. The captain collapsed on top of him, panting and not caring how sweaty and sticky they both were.

"That…was…wow…" he panted.

"Agreed," Spock said in a rough voice, breathing deeply. Jim smiled and kissed his cheek.

"We should probably clean up…"

"A good plan…once the ability to move returns."

Jim laughed. "Alright…will you stay the night?"

"If that is what you want."

"You gotta ask?" He saw Spock's lips lift, though his eyes were closed in contentment. "…Did you think I was going to call off this relationship once I was a guy again?" Dark eyes opened and met blue. "You just…looked surprised when I called you my boyfriend."

"…The thought occurred to me."

Jim pouted at him. "You didn't have faith in me?"

"I merely wondered…if you would be so willing to give up your old life style when presented with the chance to return to it."

He stared before reaching up and poking Spock in the forehead, making the Vulcan narrow his eyes disapprovingly. "Spock, my "old life style" has been getting farther and farther away, as I've said before. And quite frankly…I don't miss it that much. It was adventurous, true, but I'm a starship captain now. Can't get much more adventurous than that. But it was also painful, getting into barfights and stuff like that."

"You have and will encounter worse than bar fights out here…"

"Yeah, but I'm not alone. I got you, and Bones, and Sulu, Chekov, Uhura, Cupcake and everyone else to back me up, and for me to back up. I'm not fighting alone." He grinned again, this time a pure expression of joy. "My old life doesn't compare."

Spock's gaze softened warmly and he squeezed their still connected hands. "I am releived to hear that…and what of your sexual gratification?"

Jim barked out a laugh, burying his face in Spock's neck as he tried to get himself under control. He kissed the mark he made on his neck, grinning slightly when he realized it was going to be tough to hide. "Let me put it this way…if this is just the lead up to sex, I don't have any reason to stray from you."

Spock smirked. "Of course."

Jim pushed himself up and smiled. "So…shower? I got a nice big shower stall." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and Spock sat up as well.

"Lead the way, Captain."

Jim smiled and pulled his hand to lead him to the bathroom. "And maybe I'll show you some "not quite sex" techniques I've learned."

Jim was pretty sure he heard a purr as the door to the bathroom closed.

* * *

"Well, you're fit for duty," Bones said, setting his padd down.

"Awesome, just in time to go finish things on Uriel." Jim pulled his shirt back on, smoothing it down his front. He had to once again get used to not having breasts.

"Physically your fit, mentally…well, you cleared, but I still have doubts."

"Bones, don't start. Spock and I are doing good, I'm happy, and I'm not chasing every skirt or hot piece of ass that passes by. I thought you'd be happy."

"I am, I am…just don't expect me to be all buddy buddy with him. Or throw him a bridal shower when you two tie the knot."

"Funny you think he's going to be the bride…considering I was a girl not to long ago."

"Just a hunch…He's such a cold fish though, I wonder if you'll be okay with that."

"Oh trust me, Bones, 'cold' and 'fish' are two words that do not describe Spock in private…more like 'hot, wildcat'."

"Oh dear god, you bastard! Haunt my nightmares, why don't you?!"

"Hey, no dreaming about my boyfriend in the sack," Jim laughed.

"Not dream, nightmare. Gah, I need to bleach my brain…"

The captain just shook his head and headed for the door. "I gotta go, time to do that wrap up stuff down planet side."

"Good luck."

As he headed for the transporter room, he smiled as Spock walked towards him from the bridge. "Mr. Spock. You planning to come down with me?" he asked as professionally as if they hadn't woken up together that morning naked and wrapped around each other like snakes in coitus.

"Indeed, Captain. To ensure everything goes well during the talks. And that no more attempts on your life be made when I am not nearby."

"I'm a big _boy_, I can take care of myself."

"You could do so as a woman as well, sir. But I would feel better if I could ensure so with my own eyes this time."

"Alright, alright…we best get going then."

Spock nodded, walking side by side with his first officer. Jim glanced over and almost grinned when he saw the prominent forest green mark he'd left on Spock's neck was visible just above his collar still. He was fairly sure the Vulcan hadn't even realized it until noticed Uhura was staring at it in a mixture of shock, disturbance, and an air of wanting to hug and congratulate him. She did that to Jim when he appeared on the bridge as a man again, so maybe he was just hoping that's how she felt. The others had probably seen it, but wisely kept their gazes far from it and their mouths shut. He could swear he saw Sulu and Chekov exchange a very odd look though…

"Ready to beam down when you are, Mr. Scott," Jim said.

"Aye, Captain." Scotty saw the mark on Spock's neck and his lips twitched. He quickly set in the coordinates and beamed them down before allowing himself a grin of triumph. He had a feeling that Chekov and Sulu were no longer an issue. Uhura likely needed no help finding a man, that he was sure of. Perhaps he should focus on finding someone for Dr. McCoy. _Heaven knows, he needs to get laid…_ He whistled to himself as he went back to engineering.

"Oh, this I s gonna be awkward…" Jim said. They had walked up the many steps to the council hall and now stood outside Rangere's chambers. "I knew I'd have to do this, but now I'm wondering how to handle it…"

"I am sure councilman Rangere will be most…amazed."

"Or he'll think I lied to him the whole time…"

"I will endeavor to ensure he understands."

"Understands what happened, or understands I'm your boyfriend?"

"Yes."

Jim laughed a little as they walked in.

Rangere turned and looked around in confusion. "I was told Captain Kirk would be coming…I wished to thank her."

"Uh, well...Here, we need to do this over." He held out his hand. "Councilman Rangere, I'm Captain James T. Kirk. For the past month I've…not been entirely myself."

Rangere's eyes widened slightly. "You are…serious?"

"As a heart attack…which I hope you're not having right now."

"No no…but I am quite disappointed."

"I already told you I'm taken."

"Yes, but…"

"The captain is taken," Spock said. "And I assure you, his partner will seek to keep him." He stood up a little straighter, knowing full well the deep forest green mark Jim had left was more than a little visible just above his collar.

Jim smiled slightly. "And I intend to be kept."

Rangere looked between them before smiling good naturedly. "Well, I am still disappointed. But also intrigued…"

"I'll tell you all about it after we finish our meeting." They sat down at the table, Jim and Spock side by side and Rangere across from them. Under the table, Spock's hand found his and pressed their fingers together. Jim smiled and pressed them back, feeling like this was the beginning of something…epic.


	20. End2: A New Beginning

Spock walked to the Captain's quarters, where their captain was resting after going through a procedure of chemicals and flashes through the transporter, after alpha shift two days later. He was hesitant at first, worried what he would find. He finally opened the door and entered after a deep breath. He released it when he saw her.

Jim sitting up in bed with a lost sort of expression on her face. He walked over, noting she didn't even twitch at his presence, and sat on the bed next to her, facing her. Taking a silent breath, he reached out and set a hand on her hand. "Jim?"

She looked up, blinking. "Oh…Hey Spock…"

"Are you…well?"

"Oh yeah, I'm great. Jim fucking dandy…"

"…Sarcasm?"

"You do learn…" She deflated again before sighing. "I'm…stuck like this. I can't be a man again…I'm gonna be a woman for the rest of my life…"

"…Is that so bad?"

"You tell me." Spock blinked and Jim sighed, looking away. "A…am I still me? Am I still the person you…want to pursue? You said you fell for my manly self. So…"

Spock's eyebrows rose and stared at her before leaning in and using his hand to turn her face gently back towards him. Pressing his forehead to hers, he made her eyes focus on his. "It is _you_ I, as you put it, fell for Jim. Man, woman, human, Vulcan, Andorian or Klingon, you would be you."

She stared before smiling a little and leaning into him again, reaching up to cup his cheek. "Vulcan sweet talker…"

"I do not see how words could contain any amounts of sucrose or-"

"Shut up." She kissed him to assure he would listen and was semi surprised when he immediately kissed back, leaning into her. Jim smiled into the kiss before pulling back and leaning against him. "I just…I kept thinking "This will all be over soon, I'll be back to normal eventually." Now that it's permanent, I…I'm actually at a loss…"

"I thought you didn't believe in the no win scenario."

She chuckled. "I don't, I'm sure I'll get used to it…but it's just…I've spent my whole life as a man. I know what to do when I'm a man. What to expect. I still think like me…I think. I still think of myself as a man, so I'm not sure what to do in certain situations. I…I was finally being accepted. Now…What's Starfleet gonna think? Will they take the Enterprise from me?"

"I highly doubt that, after demonstrating you are more than capable in your duties as captain in the last year and half, let alone the last month, they will do such a thing. And your…well known tactics down on Uriel with no real hindrance, save your collapse from your increased brain chemistry is in no way a poor reflection." Jim was quiet for moment and Spock instinctively reached up to pat her hair. "I am sorry, I did not mean to upset you further…"

"No, you actually comforted me. I just hope you're right. I don't want to have to leave here." She settled closer and Spock did as well.

"You will not. And if by some miscalculation on Starfleet's fault you are ordered to leave, you will not leave alone."

She blinked and sat back to look at him. "Spock…did you just say you would come with me if I was pulled off the Enterprise?"

"Indeed. I believe that is what I implied."

"Spock…" she smiled and hugged him close. "You're such a romantic, I swear…But you realize I would never allow you to." His eyebrow quirked and she smiled. "I'd rather have someone I trusted, someone I know, in charge here. Which means I'd want you to succeed me as Captain. Hey, maybe we could switch places and I'll be the first Officer."

"…I suppose that makes sense, though I have no desire to be captain. However, the crew and myself would...find our routine disrupted without your presence."

"You'd miss me, huh?"

"Indeed, your presence has become most…fascinating."

Jim laughed then, a real laugh that made Spock's lips twitch. "I'll take that as a compliment."

"It was meant as one."

She smiled and leaned up to kiss him again. He kissed back, lips still stationary but pressing back as well. Jim leaned further in, licking at his lips softly. Spock's lips twitched again and the Captain smiled slightly, tracing the seam between them. Hesitantly the Vulcan's mouth parted and she sighed happily, tongue winding in to start mapping his mouth. Spock's breathing through his nose remained calm, but his arms wrapped more securely around her. Her own arms wrapped around him and instinctively she climbed off the bed and moved to sit on his lap. He made slight noise but quieted down and wrapped his arms more securely around her.

Heat rolled off him in waves, making her shiver like she was melting. Being this close, kissing him, thighs straddling him, it all gave her a heady rush of pleasure as she tried to press even closer. When her pubic bone grinded against his thigh she gasped and pulled back, blushing shuddering.

Spock regarded her steadily, taking in her flushed appearance. "…You are aroused."

"Y-yeah…sorry, body went on autopilot…" She moved to climb off him but found herself seated again when his hands cam up to her hips. "Uh, Spock…"

"You are still insecure."

"What? No. I-"

"You are worried you will not know what to do when being intimate in this body?"

Her gaze flattened at him in annoyance. "Spock, I'm pretty sure I know what to do, even if the roles have been reversed on me."

"Then it is something else?"

She glared more. "Did it ever occur to you I'm just trying to respect your Vulcan traditions for once and not try and rush you?"

"I know you would not try to rush me, Jim. But you seem still…unconfident."

"Spock, I-Spock!" She gasped and held on to him tighter as he suddenly stood with her like she weighed nothing and turned, sitting her down on the bed.

"Jim…You are one of the very few people who can illicit a true emotional response from me, good and bad. I do not know how or why you are capable of this…"

"Uh, tenacity and a grating personality would be my guess…"

His lips twitched again. "Perhaps. Or perhaps you are simply someone I cannot ignore. Nor do I wish to." He leaned down and kissed her, the first kiss he initiated since their first overall and Jim kissed back after her initial shock. Pulling back, Spock kissed her cheek as well. "Vulcans…should not display affection so openly, even with those they are bonded with. Except possibly in private, but only after much time. Yet around you I find my defenses dropped. My desires peaked. I wish to display myself openly in order to give you as much as you give me. It is…unsettling. Yet at the same time, I find myself grateful for it…"

Jim blushed but smiled and reached up, stroking down his face gently. "I know. Even if others can't, I can usually read you. Vulcan or human, you are you."

"Is that enough for you though?" His mind turned back to his mother and he wondered, not for the first time, if the rigidity of Vulcan custom, being detached from emotions that were so freely given on Earth, was enough for her.

"That's the person I want. Be logical. Be stubborn. Deny your emotions if you want, I can still find them. It's like a puzzle, and I like puzzles. But I don't want you to try and be human if that's not what you want." She kissed his cheek before leaning up and nipping softly at the point of his right ear, making him draw in a startled breath. "I love your ears, you know. They're sexy. And they're you. You wouldn't be you if you didn't embrace your Vulcan self."

"…Perhaps…but when I am with you, I see no reason to keep my human sensibilities as tightly in check. In private only of course."

"Huh?" She gasped as he suddenly pushed her down, gently but firmly. Staring up, his face was as controlled as ever, no fall in his mask of indifference, but his eyes looked darker than usual. "S-Spock?"

"I will not initiate full sexual intercourse, but I believe I know of some alternatives to relieve your sexual frustration until such a point you would be ready for all that a bond would entail."

"…Is that your bedroom talk? If so…I must want you 'cause I found it damn sexy."

Spock's lips twitched again before he leaned down and kissed her. Jim kissed back happily, but gasped when his hand pushed up her shirt. His fingers skimmed over her skin, the tingle following and she gulped as she felt her body reacting. "S-Spock, you really don't have to-"

"It is my desire to, Jim. I wish to…become more intimately acquainted with your body."

"…"

"This, body, Jim." He kissed her neck. "You are James T. Kirk no matter the physical trapping."

Jim blushed and made a quiet sound, tilting her head to give him access. "Keep talking like that…you'll make me think I'm in an old romance novel…"

Spock kissed her neck further, trailing his fingers up. Growing bold, he skimmed the side of her ribs. She squirmed and he looked up, taking in the flush. "Is this acceptable?"

"Y-yeah, of course, just…I'm a little ticklish there."

"Ticklish?"

"Yeah…sensitive nerves that make me want to laugh when they're stimulated."

"Indeed…" He stroked over her ribs again and she squirmed, a smile fighting her lips.

"Spock, don't…"

"I was under the impression laughter was a good thing," he said, stroking ever so lightly still.

"Y-yeah, but not when you can't control it…plus, my brother used to tickle me forever, till I almost couldn't breath."

"I see, so in moderation it is best."

"Yeah, basically-" her breath hitched when his fingers skimmed up higher, his thumb nudging lightly at her breast. It had only ever been her own hands to touch then, besides Bones when he did a physical (and looking away the whole time, swearing up and down in blue how wrong this was). Spock's hands were much warmer, their pads still tingling as they skimmed over her. Jim was glad she hadn't put a bra back on, moaning as he slowly wrapped his hand around the mound of flesh and palmed it.

"Fascinating…the mammary gland, composed of fat and soft tissue…meant for nursing young…housing several sensitive nerve endings which can elicit pleasure when stimulated…"

Jim chuckled, arching slightly into his hand. "Yeah, I know, it's weird…anything else?"

"…It is extremely soft…and cool to the touch. All of your skin is very cool to the touch…"

She looked up at him, gulping at his darkened expression she didn't recognize. "Is that…alright?"

"Indeed. It is odd…while I do not like the cold, I find the coolness of your skin most…pleasant."

Jim smiled. "Well, when you're very warm, sometimes something cool can feel very good."

"That is logical." She chuckled, but it turned to a moan again as he squeezed gently. "I believe further analysis is necessary," he said, trailing his hand down to the edge of her shirt. "If that is acceptable?"

Jim smirked and sat up. "You have to ask?"

"I believe it is only polite to ask." He pulled the shirt up over her head slowly and she lay back down as he did. His eyes took in her navel, the plane of her stomach, the edge of her rib cage and finally the soft mounds as they came into view naked and free. Jim blushed even more at his scrutiny and her nipples began to peak in arousal.

"Curious…"

"That tends to happen to human women, and men, when they get cold or aroused…"

"…"

"It's the second one," she chuckled, reaching up to run her finger tips over the shell of his ear. Spock's face and ears turned green at the caress and Jim smirked before pinching the tips. The Vulcan gasped, eyes shutting. In retaliation he squeezed her breast again and brushed her nipple with his thumb, making Jim gasp then moan. Intrigued, he continued to thumb the nub of flesh as he leaned down for another kiss. Jim moaned more, continuing to play with his ears.

Spock's fingers toyed with her flesh, stroking and squeezing before pinching the nipple between his fingers and making Jim give a small yelp into the kiss. He pulled back immediately, looking down at his human. "Did I harm you?"

"N-No…felt good, just…surprised," she swallowed, obviously more aroused now. "Your fingers tingle…and when you pinch, it's like…it's a kind of pleasurable shock goes between them…I can honestly say it's a new one on me."

Spock felt a touch of satisfaction at that admission and tried it again; the satisfaction increasing at Jim's echoing moan and the slight twist her body gave into him. He continued to experiment, reaching up to toy with the other breast when he felt he had neglected it long enough.

The Captain's hand reached up and pushed at his own uniform top. "It's not fair that I'm the only one showing more skin than usual," she said breathlessly.

"You have a valid point." Sitting back, he pulled his shirt over his head, then his black undershirt after that. Jim looked over the pale, faintly green skin that was exposed with darkened eyes. She was dimly surprised to find Spock had layer of black hairs across his chest, tapering down to beyond the edge of his pants. Somehow she'd always pictured him hairless, to go with the tidy presence he exuded, but she smiled and reached up to run her fingers through the fuzz. She could swear she felt the Vulcan give a vibrating purr when she did, though she couldn't hear it.

"You do not disappoint, Mr. Spock," she smiled.

"I am…pleased you find my form satisfactory."

"More than satisfactory, Spock." She moved her own fingers over his nipples, a darker green than the rest of his skin, and smiled at the slight hitch in his breath. "You feel that? That's only part of how good what you're doing feels."

"Indeed…"

"Yep. Which means I gotta work extra hard to give as good as I get from you."

"There is no need-" Another hitch cut him off as she traced her nail over the more sensitive area of his skin.

"You were saying?" Jim sat up before he could retort, kissing his neck and licking over it, making Spock alternately tense and relax as he tried to get used to the caresses of her lips, tongue and busy hands over his body. His skin was salty, the new-woman realized, and faintly coppery, but there was an underlying flavor that was all Spock. Trailing down, her tongue flattened some of the hairs as she swiped it over one nipple, feeling the muscles in his back jump though he still remained still in her arms through his control.

"Jim…" he whispered harshly.

She smirked and did it again. "Fair is fair."

"I could…not agree more." The Captain gave a small squeak as he lifted her up again, a flash of annoyance at him before moaning and gasping as a hot Vulcan mouth descended on her breast.

"Fuck! Spock…" she moaned, arching back and gripping his shoulders to keep steady. Her first officer was thorough, and she had a feeling he was picking up from his contact with her just what she wanted from the way he needed no cues as he mouthed sensitive peaks. She didn't even notice when she was lying down on the bed again as she panted under him, hugging his head to her chest. She did notices however when one of his hands trailed down and tentatively rested below her navel, just above the region of her body begging for attention. She moaned, twisting under him. "Spock…don't stop…"

He pulled back, noting her moan of frustration. He took in her flushed and panting state, her body tinged pink and subtle red in some places, little dark circles growing where he sucked and bit markings, trailing from her neck to her chest, and committed the image to memory.

She twisted against him, giving a mewling sort of sound and blushing in the embarrassment of it. "Dammit, Spock, what's the hold up? You said you'd relieve the frustration, not build it to the point I feel like-" Spock kissed her to cut her off, feeling faint amusement. He shifted his hand till his fingers pressed against her through her hospital issued pants (no underwear in case she had changed back) enough to apply pressure to the desired areas. Jim moaned into the kiss, her legs spreading more as the Vulcan fingers began grinding into her pleasure spot. Her hips bucked against them, moving into them and making her breath come in heavy pants and gasps.

"Spock…god, Spock…"

"What do you want, Jim?"

She shivered at the question before reaching down and guiding his hand under the scrub pants, swallowing at the heat against her skin. "Th-there…like that…p-please," she said the last quietly, trying not to beg or sound too needy, but she knew that was probably futile with his telepathy. Long, tingly fingers began to caress her fully and she moaned loudly, thankful for the fact rooms were soundproof on this ship. The inquisitive Vulcan hand moved up and down the slit, feeling the wetness. Spock buried his head next her neck and breathed in deep, as if trying to alternately let go of his control and retain it as much as possible.

Jim shifted her hips slightly and without warning one of the long fingers slipped inside. She gave a soft breathless, guttural moan. "Y-yes…please, Spock…" He took a deep breath, shuddering at the feel of her. Slowly he began to work his finger around her, making her moan and even whimper. Seeing his captain like this, prone beneath him and moving into his caresses wantonly, gave Spock a sense of control and utter gratitude he'd never felt before.

"M-more…" Jim gasped, hips moving into his hand. Spock paused a moment and then pulled his hand out. Jim looked up, moaning in frustration and confusion. Then she felt her pants being tugged and she lifted her hips, letting him pull them off. This time she did hear a deep, growling purr come from him and she smiled. "I take it you like?"

"Indeed…" he reached to her again and slipped two fingers in, making her gasp. He continued watching as she squirmed on his fingers wantonly. He could feel her inside with his fingers, pleasurable shocks going through his own system at the feeling, his own arousal hard and straining against his uniform pants. He'd truly let himself go by allowing this, but he couldn't bring himself to care. It was just the two of them, in the sanctity of Jim's room, and he knew to be with James T. Kirk he had to make sacrifices the same as he…she would. And he was willing to do this.

Reaching his other hand up and played with her breast again. Jim arched her back with a moan, riding his fingers in tangent with his movement in and out of her, fingers digging into his shoulders. His thumb ground into her clit and she cried out, writhing and whimpering and babbling nonsense. Then she came with nothing but a loud in drawn breath and her body shuddered. Her walls tightened around his fingers, messaging them until he gave a low guttural moan in her ear, blanketing her with his body as he panted.

Jim shivered at his heat seeped into her. "Damn…that was…"

"Yes…quite…" he slipped his fingers back out and she groaned at the loss.

"Y…what about you?"

"I require no reciprocation…"

She looked up and frowned. "You didn't get hard? At all? Well that's nice…"

Spock blushed slightly. "No, you misunderstand…I…no longer require reciprocation."

"…You came? From…" She laughed suddenly and he frowned down at her. "I-I'm sorry, I don't mean to laugh…hey, don't look so sour." She beamed up at him and reached up to frame his face, leaning up to kiss him. "I'm…happy. And proud that I could do that to you. I wanted to make you feel as good as you made me feel. And damn, with just your fingers?" She grinned lasciviously. "I think we won't have to worry about our sex life considering you can do that to me with just fingers."

He blushed again but then looked amused. "I concur…"

* * *

"I'm glad to see you are alright, Captain Kirk," Rangere said two days later when the finished negotiations and they were about to leave. "I had heard you were recovering, I was afraid you'd been grievously injured defending me."

Jim smiled, wearing her usual uniform of gold shirt and pants. "I was already…under a mild condition. I'm fine now though, really."

"I'm glad to hear that. And I must ask again, are you certain…?"

"No, Rangere. Not gonna happen, I'm happy in the relationship I'm in. You'll learn one day, playing the field too much isn't good. It gets old, lonely, and the more women you get the lonelier you are. Find someone and try a steady relationship. You'll be surprised how good it can be."

Rangere blinked, thin chuckled. "You sound like you know what it's like to be a man."

Jim regarded him a moment before smirking and leaning in to whisper, making her voice dark and husky and almost like her old voice. "That's cause I used to be one." She tried not to laugh at his expression, which resembled more fish than cat now, and turned to quickly walk back to Spock and the others.

"What did you tell him, if I may inquire, Captain?" Spock said as he looked back at Rangere coolly.

"Something that I hope will mean he'll back off now."

Spock's face didn't twitch but she saw the amusement and approval in his eyes. "In that case, we had best return to the ship. We have paperwork to finish, Captain."

Jim groaned but followed him to where they would be beamed up. "Yeah yeah…"

"And then perhaps we can play a game of chess."

She smiled more. "That sounds good." She almost jumped when Spock's hand reached down and pressed their fingers together, but then grinned. "Oh, that chess…I agree fully, Mr. Spock."

"I had thought you might, Captain."


End file.
